"He gave them over..."

I'm having a great morning so far today. I'm currently in a hotel lobby in South Carolina while my road trip buddy is still asleep in the room. I woke up, had a great (and free) breakfast, read Romans 1, and now grabbed my computer because God gave me this really cool thought...even though I'm only running on 3 1/2 hours of sleep. And it's never a bad time to blog :)

The reason that I'm really excited about this particular post is because it's not really about any events in my own life. I can relate to something, I'm sure. But this post is more about the nature of God, which is what our whole life's story is really about anyway. So as I was going through Romans 1, I came across verse 24, "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another" (emphasis added). It didn't hit me at first, but then I came across verse 28, ""Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done" (emphasis added). Hmmm..."he gave them over". What does that say about God's nature?

We obviously live in a fallen world. Life can treat us badly, and often unfairly (which is kind of false because we don't deserve fairness anyway). But even though we live in this fallen world, we have hope because we know that God is a good God and is a God of love and mercy. But there's the ever-popular quandry...why does God allow suffering in this world? Why does God allow people to go to hell? How can God be a God of love and at the same time be a God of wrath and justice? You see, these verses showed me something about God today.

When I read these verses, I thought a lot about the many unsaved people that I know and encounter. I would venture to say that a lot of people I know believe there's a God, but just never really studied Him or just don't believe He's powerful enough to do all of the things the Bible says He can do. Many of the same people find the Bible errant or contradictory, and would likely present verses like these as arguments. Granted, I'm naturally a skeptic too, and that's why I want to explore this. But I don't see this as a contradiction at all, and here's why. Yes, God is a God of love, peace, wrath, and justice...this is all His nature. We are his loved children (Beloved, now are we the sons of God - 1 John 3:2...among many other verses), we are holy in God's sight (In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight - Colossians 1:22). But that's what we are...we are children, and that will always be our place. We are not the Father. We are not perfect, we are only perfected through the work of Christ (ref. my previous blog post). So that is our place in this whole picture...we are under God fully. He is eternal, we're only here for an extremely short period of time in the realm of eternal.

There are places all over the Bible where God "gave them over", "them" meaning anyone...those that followed him and those that didn't and don't. "But God turned away and gave them over to the worship of the heavenly bodies. This agrees with what is written in the book of the prophets: "'Did you bring me sacrifices and offerings forty years in the desert, O house of Israel?'" - Acts 7:42. "So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices." - Psalm 81:12. Why? Why does a loving God do this? Now think about this...what do you think would happen to us if we abandoned God? That our lives would go WELL? Yeah I don't think so. In most of these instances where God gives people over to evil, they begin to worship false idols. God loves us so much that He gets angry with us when this happens ("For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" - Exodus 34:14). That would be like me calling another married couple "mom and dad" just because I don't want to follow my own parents direction. They love me...I'm their son, and they would be upset if I were to do that. But we do it all the time when we put anything in the place where God should be. So even though God is still a loving God, he disciplines us by "giving us over" to sin.

And many people think this is unfair of God or just wrong of him to do. But is it really? I've said it before, God has made us with a free will, and He wants us to FREELY choose Him, not because He makes us come to Him. God is perfect and unapproachable ("And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live." - Exodus 33:20), but He still loves us so much and He desires us that he presents us the opportunity through Christ to come to Him ("Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16). This is God's love, and it's free. We think God is unfair. Yeah right. Why do we think we deserve something good from God? The only thing we deserve from abandoning an all-perfect and all-loving God is a one-way trip to hell. The reason God gives us over to our sinful desires is to give us an opportunity to come freely to Him. Not because He wants us to suffer, but because He knows who He is, and He knows the joy that only He can provide to us. But we have to seek it, we can't just expect it from God after we abandoned His love. Plain and simple, bad things happen when we don't keep God in our lives.

Sometimes I hear unsaved people jokingly scoff by saying, "Where is your God NOW?" I know where my God is all the time. And everyone would too if they chose to seek rather than scoff. God doesn't punish us unjustly...He gives us over to sinful desires and struggles so that we learn just how desperately we need Him. When we live in a comfortable house and have had most things provided for you (like I've had most of my life), it's easy to think that we're just fine without God. And it may seem like we're doing okay right now. But it's not the case...we desperately need God now, and we DEFINITELY desperately need God later. So when you face struggles and old sins, don't blame. Don't whine. Don't scoff. But seek God...because that's what He wants. How fortunate we are that God brings us down to size so that we can be PERFECT through Him.

Father, sometimes I don't understand your ways. I complain when I go through trials. I wonder why I end up in the same old places I've been before. But your Word is truth, and you've allowed me the ability to read you've said rather than mindlessly having it spoon-fed to me. Through everything endure, in the fight to carry on, help me to stand and face the rain because your Word says it will make me stronger. Thank you for allowing me freely into your presence, even though I don't deserve it. And may these words be yours for your own glory, and may these words reach the hearts of others reading. It's your story Father...not mine. Amen.

Perfection: far and near

Once again, it's been way too long since I blogged. And since I have the next 6 days off of work, what better time than the present! Thank you to all who read...it really means more to me than you'll ever know.

Tonight after volleyball, I stayed much later than I normally do to do something I haven't done in a very long time. Back when I still lived in Halifax, I used to take bike rides to the local elementary school, because it was the only place in that desolate town that I could find a basketball hoop lol. I used to go there, sit on the swing set and pray, and focus my mind by practicing my free throws. It wasn't a true foul shot, since the rim was only about 6 feet tall, but it sufficed. So tonight I took a breather from life. I continued taking shots long after everyone had left, and while I was shooting I got a really awesome parallel from God.

Free throws are an interesting beast in basketball. It's somewhat similar to pitching in baseball, in a way. Pretty much everyone, more or less, knows how to throw a ball. I know with athletic people like myself, we practice throwing to the point where it becomes comfortable and natural to us. Whenever you watch baseball players, their throws are smooth, seamless, and seemingly effortless. But when you watch a pitcher, they don't just throw a ball. Pitchers take some of the craziest motions just to get the ball to the plate, myself included. Same goes with free throws. Again most people, more or less, know how to shoot a basketball. But watch that same player when he/she gets to the free throw line. They may take about 15-20 seconds just to shoot the ball, after a series of spinning the ball off the ground, spinning it in their hand, dribbling very precisely a certain number of times, shooting fast/slow, and so on. They get all the time in the world to focus on their one shot where no one is guarding them. Even though they're shooting a 15-foot shot, it's one of the easiest shots in basketball. Or, logically, one would think.

So since it's so easy to shoot free throws, especially if you've practiced them for a long time and are good at them, it can be understandable to get frustrated after missing one. Everything becomes methodical about the shot. Myself, I have a VERY specific technique shooting free throws. I spin the ball off the ground once, dribble twice, spin the ball in both hands, bend at the knees, then look up at the rim as I'm becoming upright, and take my shot, ending on my tiptoes and taking 1 or 2 steps back, and as all of this is going on I also inhale and exhale 3 times, for no other reason than it's just my comfort area and that's what I do. It's very machine-like, and I don't divert from it. Yet occasionally, I miss the mark. Just a bit to the left, just a bit deep or short, or it just doesn't get that lucky bounce.

Well, tonight something happened. I was shooting while people were still there, and was shooting very well...it seemed like everything was falling. Then took a short break to talk to the last person there before she left, then got back to shooting. But when I got back to shooting, something was off. One miss. Then another. Three in a row. Uh oh. And these weren't "just barely" misses...I was missing pretty badly. It was then I did something I'm not used to. Typically I get frustrated if something goes wrong and I let it get ahold of my better judgment. But this time I took a step back. I breathed deeply. I closed my eyes, prayed, and focused. Next shot, another miss. No, I won't get frustrated...just breathe, focus, clear the mind. Next shot rattled in. Then another. And then another. Shortly I was swishing my shots. Ahh...back to normal.

In the middle of my misses, a verse popped into my head. No idea where it came from, so it must have come from God because it really helped me. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 43:5, NIV. I think I saw this on someone's Facebook status (kudos for posting, whoever you are, it helped me). But since I don't have the full verse memorized, the only part that popped in my head was "Why are you downcast, O my soul?" But what a blessing this was to hear this verse. My soul has been VERY downcast lately. I had the blessing of talking with Bill last night, and shared with him all the things that I've been struggling with. I feel empty, like I haven't been fulfilling God's calling for me and that I've strayed from the righteous path. But I took this verse like the question that it is: why are you downcast, O my soul? Why? Well...I don't know. I don't really have any reason to be. So then the command: Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My shot was veering to the left and right of the hoop, even airballing. I stepped back and prayed and focused, and my shot became true.

And it was right after this that the main thought of this post hit me. Perfection. I'm certainly not perfect, far from it. But the thought that hit me was, "I don't have to be perfect, God is already perfect FOR me!" You see the parallel...no matter if I missed my shot or made it, God is still perfect despite my distance from perfection. Sometimes in life we stray to the left or the right. We know the mark we want to achieve, but something we aren't always the straightest arrow shot from the quiver. We veer, we stray, we fall, we mess up. Doesn't matter...God's still perfect. But you see, there's a tricky verse that Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:48. Uh oh. BE perfect? Well, the standard has been set for us. The context of this verse is the entirety of Matthew 5. Jesus lists all of the commands that we should be following, and doesn't give us an excuse to not follow them. So then following all of these things, this will make us perfect? "But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away" - Isaiah 64:6. Oops, so all of our good deeds are worth nothing then, so how do we become perfect? "The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" - Matthew 25:40.

How do we become perfect? The only way possible is to commune with the only one who IS already perfect, God. I can't tell you the peace I felt tonight when it was just me and God in the gym, practicing my free throws. I was with the Father and He was with me. The only way we stray from the righteous path is simply a lack of communion with God. We define sin as that action which separates us from God. Sinlessness is perfection, therefore the only way to be perfect is to deliberately and desperately commune with Perfection Himself, God. When we are separated from Him, we are in sin. Everyone needs alone time with God...this is why it's so stressed upon and so important, because we're not going to get true communion with God otherwise (dear future me, I'm talking to YOU. Take note.) Why are you downcast, O my soul? I've separated myself from God. I have yet to meet a person that is TRULY happy while staying separate from God. We live in a world full of broken promises and shattered lives. Don't tell me for one second that you're happy without God (now I'm talking to others). Dare to truly analyze your heart, and only then try to tell me that you're happy without God...but I still won't believe it. I'm an absolute disaster area without God in my life. I am so far from perfect, but I am near to the One who IS perfect, which makes me perfect. Complete. Whole. I'm not talking about morals in this thing. I'm talking about being as we once were. God used to walk around in the garden with us! THAT is perfection, being as we were MEANT to be! God creates us sinless, with a free will, in full communion with Him. Then Adam sinned, and now we are force to be separated from Him until we accept Jesus as savior. I know some people don't like the term "saved" because they don't think they need to be rescued. Well fine, then think of it as, God's just that freaking awesome. So don't get "saved", get "God's just that freaking awesome", and you'll come to realize the sin you're in and the perfection and completeness that you can only find in God. God doesn't expect us to not sin, because we're not God. I know I mess up...and every time I do I have to battle back to get on the right path again. But the only way to do that is to surrender my efforts to God and begin to commune with Him. God fills me up every time..."O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." - Psalm 34:8. Don't think for one second that your life is good without God. As the verse says, taste and see just how good God is. He's not just a hard-nosed fun-sucking rule-driver...He's my Father, and your's too. Go to Him...He's waiting with a complete life you've never imagined before.

Tonight my shot became true. At the end of my shooting session, I took a few shots with my eyes closed. Missed the first 2, swished the next 2. Even blind, God still guided my shot. Even blind, God still guides my future. I will most likely stray again, but God is always waiting with open arms to complete me. What a great God we have.

"While I live will I praise the LORD: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being." - Psalm 146:2

The Importance of Love

Isn't it funny (and awesome) when prayer is answered almost immediately? That happened to me today. Thank you brother Bill :)

Tonight I thought about having the right perspective about things, and finding out what's important in life and WHY it's important. Some background first...I've been in a little rut lately. Only halfheartedly seeking God, halfheartedly reading the Bible and praying, and still somehow expected that God would fill me up the rest of the way. That's not how it works, at least that's not what I've found. So I talked with my best friend Bill today and we both prayed over this, among other things. And after we hung up I felt a little better, but still wasn't really hopeful or feeling like things were different. So I went back home to Halifax to visit my parents and aunt, and I found the refresher I needed.

The drive to Halifax is always beautiful. It's just a totally different atmosphere...even from other countryside environments, it still feels different. The locals call it God's Country, for very good reason...it just seems that God's peace is all around. And every time I cross that beautiful mountain, 88.5 is immediately tuned on my radio, and K-LOVE is blaring its God-music through my car. So I finally got home, and it's somewhat chaotic. My aunt had her tonsils removed and is staying with my parents until she heals up, and her 2 dachshunds are staying there as well, so they have to keep Diesel separate from them. So while she rests upstairs, I got to lift downstairs while my parents were cleaning up the storage room. Yeah I know, not extremely chaotic...but it was just a little different, it seemed like everyone was moving around and being busy.

Well, just before I left we started looking through old pictures from when times were simpler, at least in my own little world. Past Christmas times, birthdays, family vacations with my cousins, oh what great times that seem to be left in repressed memories. Well, it got me thinking. At the time, these were pretty much the only people I knew, and I had fun with them. Even though my cousins were all girls and always wanted me to be the dad when they played house (and even though I always ran to my treehouse when they did, haha), I still had fun with them and I miss those times. Now the youngest of my cousins is in college, and my younger cousin and older cousin are both mothers of 2 and 3 kids respectively. Man, how things change! But these relationships are, still, very important to me.

In the past few years, as we all get older and attitudes change, perspectives change as well. I didn't really know how to deal with the change, so I kept trying to live in older times while everyone continued to grow up around me and I became slightly bitter toward my families. Holidays were more of a burden for me than a joy. But then I looked at these pictures. I remembered how ridiculously blond my hair was, how awesome my cousin Ashley was (and still is), how my cousin Carla was like a sister to me, and how much we laughed when my cousin Emily called my mom "Uncle Deb". :) I started to remember just how much my cousins were there for me and how much I was there for them too. Dare I say...perspective changed? I used to consider family a burden...I don't know how I let that change from being the joy it once was.

So that was a longer background than I anticipated, and I've said in the past that my posts are like mind vomit...I don't really know how it's gonna come out, it just comes out. So if anyone is still reading this far in, seriously, I'm touched! But I want to get more to my point. All of this combined to be the answer of my prayer today, and I got to drive back with a new perspective under the most beautiful nightly cloud cover I've ever seen. The new perspective I got tonight was on the importance of family, but also on the importance of my God. And this made me question what is important to me and how important is it to me. And as I said before, the reason I've been down is because I've only been halfheartedly serving God. I let stuff at work get to me and left a nice little path for Satan to mess with me. Well, all of this stuff combined led me to one conclusion. One word. It's a word that's been tossed around in every contemporary church like tomatoes in a food fight.

Love. Heck, we could all use a bit more love. See, my natural tendency is to see the bad in people before I see the good. And this leads down a road to destruction at breakneck speed. But when we put on glasses of love and care toward each other, we see the world at a different perspective...we begin to see the good in people, and attribute the bad to the influence of Satan. We're not defined by bad things that we do (That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts - Ephesians 4:22), and we're not even defined by good things that we do (But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away - Isaiah 64:6). We're defined as God's prize, His glory (For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them - Ephesians 2:10). And this isn't conditional...we were always this way (Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations - Jeremiah 1:5). EVERYONE is a creation of God's handiwork, and none of us have any right to degrade another. It's true we're all in a spiritual warzone, but a lesson for me is to be careful how to fight it. "I'm in a fight, not physical. I'm in a war, but not of this world." - Counting on God by Phillips, Craig & Dean. Our war is not against our fellow man, but with the evil one (For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. - Ephesians 6:12). And toward our fellow man, we show love.

But love's hard! Heck yes it is...especially when we don't receive it back. I mentioned before of how different the worlds are between Mechanicsburg and Halifax. Living in Mechanicsburg, I became a little more hard-hearted, to my regret. As I was driving in Halifax tonight, a car driving in the other lane kept flashing their high beams at me. I don't typically get road rage, but I was a little annoyed. Then a second person in a row did it, and I got stupidly defensive. "Seriously?! What the heck! Am I doing something wrong???" Then the realization came upon me, and sure enough, there was a deer standing alongside of the road ready to run out in front of somebody. Those people weren't upset at me, they were just lovingly trying to warn me of some danger (sounds like a gospel message, no? I'll save that for another post :) ). I can't say for sure if Mechanicsburg people would be so kind. But that's the beauty of it, and that's why I'm placed where I'm at right now. I'm God's man for the job! "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16. Yeah it's harder to love people over here than it is in Halifax, but that's why I'm here. There's plenty more people here that need God's love, and I still need it just as much as everyone else. I can't claim that it's important to me and then not live it. So let me pose that same question. How important is love to you? How important is God to you? How important are people to you? Hopefully you can answer "very" to all of those questions. Life's too short to hate. Just love. It hurts, but it's worth it. One man about 2000 years ago took three nails and about 40 lashes because of love. It hurt, but he said we were worth it. And I believe him.

Armor Up

Alright...this is going to need a decent amount of preface. I'm not writing this to blast anyone or throw anyone under the bus. I'm not writing this to embarrass or humiliate. And I feel comfortable writing this because it's all over the news in my area and on public domain, just like my blog, so I won't mention names or anything...if you really care, look it up yourselves. But I'm writing this because something is seriously wrong. I'm writing this because livid is an understatement to describe my attitude right now, and not directed toward anyone in particular, but I'm enraged at the devil. And I've prayed long and hard before this. I don't want these words to offend, and I don't want them to simply be an emotional outburst. I want these words to be those which God gives to me, and I feel He would want me to put in here. I want these words to be hope, encouragement, and a charge to my Christian brothers and sisters. Thank you for understanding all of this before I dive in...

So, enough suspense. Today I found out that a teacher at my high school has been fired due to allegations that he's been involved in a sexual abuse scandal with a student. Again, if you want names then do your own research, I'm not here to humiliate. This is a tragic blow to many people in my community, and deeply affects many of my friends. There's no cushion for the blow, no sugar to make it any sweeter. Allegations that a male teacher messed around with a male student, consensual or not, who really cares. It's easy to say "die, pervert!" when it's someone you don't know. I know this man. Big family, all went and were involved in my high school. This shouldn't happen to a man in this situation...something is WRONG here.

Well, I'm only going to get sleep tonight by the Lord's grace, because this enrages me. And strangely, I'm not angry at the teacher. I'm not angry at the student. I'm not even angry about the act itself. There is one person that's behind all of this. We know him as Lucifer. Satan. The devil. And I'm absolutely furious at him, as we all should be. I know a lot of us are looking for answers in this, and frankly I'm surprised that I'm not being led to angrily seek answers to all of this. We can be angry with God, wondering why did this happen...why him...why this school...why??? Folks, God is not responsible for choices that we make. I believe that while God is the divine orchestrator, we are given free will to make choices, because I believe that God is pleased more when we freely choose to worship Him. We always throw "God's Will" around like a ragdoll so much that it's barely defined anymore. We can say that a person is "in God's Will" or "outside of God's Will"...this implies choice, does it not? Unless God deliberately creates a being to be outside of His Will, which isn't compatible with his omnibenevolent nature. We're big boys and girls, and we make decisions that either bring glory to God, or don't bring Him glory. This incident is just another such decision.

James 2:10 - "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." A little boy at AWANA read me this verse tonight as he was reciting his Scripture memorization. This verse caught my attention in the context of this situation, and it's perhaps the reason that "the act" itself doesn't enrage me like it used to. See, I used to be quite the homophobe. Homosexuality still disgusts me, but that's my deal. And don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not FOR the act that went on, God forbid! But listen to my point...we've all heard the term "hate the sin, love the sinner". This is essential right now. To my high school friends and faculty that may be reading, has your perception of this man changed now that this is out in the light? DON'T LET IT!!!!! The school made the right move by firing him from his position, but the school and church cannot turn their backs to him. Go back to my "about me" page, and read about how pornography had me trapped for 7 years...that's almost longer than I can even remember. We are not DEFINED by actions we take, we are defined by how God SAYS we're defined. I'm not defined by 1/3 of my life wasted to that demon, nor is a man defined by sexual actions taken improperly. Again, it's easier to cry "PERVERT!" when it's not someone you know...fact is, everyone has a situation and a story. Who are we to judge? "Yeah, well you don't know he's truly a Christian or not!!" Yeah, I guess I don't, only God knows the heart (The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? - Jeremiah 17:9). I just know what James 2:10 says, and I know how we are all desperately in need to be led daily to the cross, where Jesus poured himself out. Remove the plank in your own eye before trying to help out the speck in the other's eye. To quote Mark Lowry, "How about I hate my sin, you hate your sin, and let's just love each other!"

Well, I said I wasn't looking for answers, but that's only a half-truth. There's only one answer I want...I want to know what's going to be done about this. And I don't mean from a legal standpoint. As I said previously...something is WRONG. Satan has played a mean hand, and has infiltrated my old stomping grounds, which I still consider a home away from home...and I'm straight up pissed off about it. Devastatingly, this isn't the first instance that I've heard about suspicious activity at my school since I graduated. From the outside looking in, it almost seems like my school is falling apart. Enrollment down, probably will decrease further after this, approximately 8 new high school english teachers since when I graduated 6 years ago. WHAT is going on?!?! Is this all just a freak coincidence? We can't take the risk of just letting this blow over again...something must change. Satan played a heavy hand and dealt a big blow to the school. I'm infuriated that he would invade on a godly institution and negatively impact so many lives. Right now, everyone reading this needs to pray. If for no other reason, then because I'm requesting it (Pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. - James 5:16). But more than this, something needs to be done. Still quoting from my favorite book of the Bible: "If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone." - James 2:15-17. What good is prayer if we don't let it affect our hearts? Sometimes action needs to be taken. Perhaps the school needs that. "Now Christopher (full first name, since I'm sure most of my family will read this and speak with a slight scolding tone in their voice), you're being too radical. You need to be careful that you're not taken ill-advised action." And of course, we all should make wise decisions. I think my friend Scott said it well tonight, that we can't wedge ourselves into situations where we don't belong. And that's absolutely right. But AM I being too radical? Perhaps it's time to get a little loud. There is a problem, and we desperately need God to restore us. So maybe my blog can be a platform for encouraging those who ARE in the position to act. Perhaps revival is needed. Only God really knows what is needed, but we need help. The world is watching every move that we make, and shaking their heads at all Christians every time this happens. And I'm not going to sit around and watch as the entire world turns against us. Yes, there will always be those who resist God's glory, but we still owe it to them to bring them before the cross and pray on their behalf. And when the going gets tough, "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." - Isaiah 40:29. Right now, we're pretty faint, confused, frustrated, angry. Christians, ARMOR UP!!!! The war is real, and we're all in it. It IS life or death, and it DOES matter...we need to fight like it. Satan pushed us...I say we push back and refocus on our Christ.

As I said, I prayed long and hard before this note, hoping that it would be an encouragement and a challenge to us all. A lot of this I consider most of this post to be my opinion, and I could very well be wrong with my views. However, don't let that stop you from being convicted on the right path on which we should walk in this situation. God has seen everything that has gone on, and He is standing alongside of us through everything. And for those not tied in with my high school, this is for you too. Take this to mean something for your own life, and be convicted by it. Don't let my opinions influence you...but rather let the Holy Spirit convict you into action.

Psalm 31:7 - I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, Because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul.

Winning life's battles

So here's something that popped into in head tonight: winning. As I've said and as almost everyone knows about me, I'm pretty hyper-competitive, and I like to win. Ok, gross understatement...I despise losing. I'm competitive with pretty much everything I do, whether it's sports or video games or board games. Even air hockey. Seriously, challenge me at air hockey, I DARE you...you'll lose (Nate Nichols, don't say a WORD, haha). But when I think about these, none of it really "matters" if I win or lose. Sure, you can play for a trophy or money, or even just glory. But in a sense, none of this really matters, per se. What are the battles that are actually worth winning? Well...

I'll be honest, I'm never really sure where to start with some of these notes. Most of them are pretty spontaneous, and this one's no different. But, I'll start with an excerpt from our Sunday School lesson today. We've been doing a series on Jesus' parables for the past, like...forever. And today we studied the parable of the lost sheep, found in Luke 15:1-7. The parable is that a shepherd has 100 sheep, and one of them goes astray. The shepherd leaves the 99 to go find the one that went missing. Upon finding it, he rejoices and slings the little guy over his shoulder and brings it back to the rest of the flock. Jesus used this parable in defense of his ministry, when being accused of dining with "undesirable folk" by the religious Pharisees of the day. Jesus responds in verse 7 by saying, "I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance." In other words, God's already happy that there are 99 saved people, but MAN does he rejoice over just ONE new person that comes to know Him!!!

Now this is a battle worth fighting. And everything we do should tie into this in some way. Well, I have another battle to mention, and one that is almost always on the forefront of my mind. And granted, I'm writing this from strictly a male perspective, so ladies bear with me through it. But I'm talking about the battle for a woman's heart. I've never truly experienced it, but it must be the greatest feeling in the world to win that battle. One of my favorite quotes from my favorite book (Wild at Heart) is "Nothing worth having comes without some sort of fight" - Bruce Cockburn. I believe the heart of a woman is a treasure, and should be treated as one would treat the hope diamond, with gentleness and care. And it should be guarded with strength and a sense of security. Think about it...ask a lady what they value in a man or husband. I can pretty much guarantee most women would say that one of their values is safety. When they're with their husband/boyfriend, they feel safe. And I believe that's how it should me. Quoting Demi Moore in A Few Good Men when asked why she respected Marines, "Because they stand on a wall. And they say 'Nothin's gonna hurt you tonight. Not on my watch'". If only this could be the motto of all men...nothing's gonna hurt you tonight, not on my watch.

But what happens when the woman's heart is won? Is that...it? No more battling, no more struggle? Yep, slapped a ring on her finger, things should be easy now...now be a good girl and make me a sammich. Oh, to break the jaw of the man that says that. A woman's heart deserves to be won every day, there's no quitting! I see husbands all the time that just seem so passive and careless in regards to their lady...whatever happened to us? So when the "love" fades, then what? One thing that I really hate is divorce, and I know God hates it more. God hates it because *gasp* He's been through it! Israel is his bride...how many times did Israel leave His care to go worship a piece of wood shaped like a goat? And how many times do WE leave His care to go do the same thing? Oops. But divorce is forbidden. Think about it..."for this reason, a man will leave his mother and father, and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." One flesh. Not literal, obviously, but they are now one unit. It's ridiculous to think that one flesh can become two fleshes again, it just doesn't work. No, if you're married and things are bad, you work at it. Love isn't a feeling, it's a job, and some have it harder than others. But when a relationship is on the rocks, and the husband and wife battle together to work through it, ah what a beautiful sight it is.

And like I said before, I never know where to start with these posts and I never know where they're going to go. So bringing it back, there's the battle of the woman's heart, and the battle of bringing others to Christ...now how do we win? Well, this whole thing all came after I read a quote from Desire by John Eldredge. "The time has come for us to quite playing chess with God over our lives. We cannot win, but we can delay the victory, dragging on the pain of grasping and the poison of possessing. You see, there are two kinds of losses in life. The first is shared by all mankind - the losses that come to us. Call them what you will - accidents, fate, acts of God. The point is that we have no control over them. We do not determine when, where, what, or even how. There is no predictin these losses; they happen to us. We choose only how we respond. The second kind is known only to the pilgrim. The are losses that we choose. A chosen loss if different from repentance, when we give up something that was never ours to have. With a chosen loss, we place on the altar something very dear to us, something innocent, whose only danger is in its goodness, that we might come to love it too much. It is the act of consecration, where little by little or all at once, we give over our lives to the only One who can truly keep them." So wait...losing? Yep, surrender. That's how these battles are won. How are others won to Christ? Well, not in our power. We're not the ones who do the saving, since we need just as much to be saved. The Holy Spirit is the only thing that convicts others to come to God. I have plenty of people I'm thinking of right now that I would love to see in a better place in their lives. The best I can do is tell them what I believe and live a God-honoring life...I can't save them. So to Christians, keep planting seeds, let God do the harvesting.

And the battle for a woman's heart...I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't one I had my eyes on. And I am certainly taking a shot of my own advice through this note. But there's only one way to win a battle like that. Pastor Crews said it best this morning when talking about marriages, that God's blueprint of marriage isn't one party submitting to the other, but when the husband and wife go hand-in-hand together in submission to God. I know God knows the desires of my heart, but there's another encouraging section from Desire: "True surrender is not an easy out, calling it quits early in the game. This kind of surrender comes only after the night of wrestling. It comes only after we open our hearts to care deeply. Then we choose to surrender, or give over, our deepest desires to God. And with them we give over our hearts, our deepest selves. The freedom and beauty and rest that follow are among the greatest of all surprises." Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. - Matthew 11:29.

I didn't want this to turn into a story of my own battle, but this is the main point I'm trying to make. The main battle on my mind is that of the lady's heart, but everyone else has different of life's battles that they're trying to win. Surrendering to God is the only way to win. He's more capable of handling all of our problems. Read through pretty much any of the Psalms, they're chock full of praises of God's love and strength. "But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth." - Psalm 86:15. "For thou art great, and doest wondrous things: thou art God alone." - verse 10 of that same chapter. And I've heard it said that people don't want to pray because they feel some sense of guilt with coming to God with petty problems. Well, in Hebrews 4:15-16, the writer says "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." God wants us to surrender ALL, because He can handle it and WANTS to handle it! The rest that follows is pretty amazing. Tonight I'll be praying for those in all sorts of battles, as I'll be praying for my own. But we have to take our own action too. Friends, surrender to God. I've done it before, and it hurts. But the things I regret are the things I continue to try to hold on to, rather than surrendering. Pray to God, and from one desperate sinner to another, surrender that which is most valuable to you to God.

Reflections on turning 24

Wow...time is flying way too fast. I mean seriously, just yesterday I was a freshman in college. The day before that I was in high school. Now I'm working full-time, have my own place, and my "youth" has passed me. I'm now 24, and I'm a full-fledged adult. Wow.

I just want to take this time to reflect on the past year(s), and equip myself for the year ahead. At this time last year, I got my first experience of the corporate environment...and I couldn't wait to get out of it. What a horrible experience. But I know God led me there, and then God led me somewhere else. But at this point, I was in major transition. I just graduated from college and was trying to figure out what the heck I wanted to do with my life. I missed my college friends and environment, and I felt alone and trapped living in Halifax, far away from pretty much anything. But, I had the opportunity to read and relax, and was able to find God in cool ways through my bike rides through the countryside. And then in November, I began working for my current job, into which I'm now almost 9 months. Then in March, after much prayer God finally led me to my own place in Mechanicsburg and my new church family just outside my door. God led me here for 4 reasons I found: to learn about myself, develop my relationship with God, realize contentment with singleness, and improve my relationship with my mom. And to some degrees, I've achieved some of these. Distance between my mom and I has allowed us to talk more civilly, and I'm MOSTLY content with singleness but I have those days (tonight being one of them) where loneliness sets in and I just wish I had someone to be with.

So the two other things were to learn about myself and develop my relationship with God. Learn about myself...well, what do I mean by that? I mean, you'd think with me being an only child that I'd know by now, given all the time I spent with myself. But see, through growing up and even in college, I was often defined by my friends. Depending on what group of friends I was around I would act differently, say different things, and stuff like that. Because of this, I always felt kind of unnatural, always wondering who I REALLY am. And my identity was established by God through the calling of the White Knight, but I never had the opportunity to explore this in greater depth. Ever since I moved over here I've been busy with work and other activities that I never took a whole lot of time to myself. And that leads into my relationship with God, which hasn't improved like I envisioned. I still find myself on a lot of highs and lows, which gets frustrating after awhile. My busy schedule has led me to place events and activities with friends above time with God. I've been disobeying the command in Psalm 46, "Be still and know that I am God." And it's not even that I've been wasting too much time...I don't have a tv connection in my apartment and my Wii hasn't been hooked up since I moved in. So in this next year, it's vital that I keep growing naturally, but truly exercise my faith by learning as much about my Savior as I possibly can.

And to go along with that, this is what I envision for age 24. I want this to be a year marked by hard work. Not work that eventually kills me in the long run, but hard work that will improve my overall life quality and help me realize my goals. Physically speaking, there are a lot of things that I want to accomplish. I'm SO thankful for my buddy Kyle...he brought me along to Planet Fitness, and he's helping me live a physically healthy lifestyle. I've gotten SO much stronger in just 3 1/2 months, to the point where I'm seeing a definite change in my body structure than just a few months before. But I have a list of goals I want to accomplish physically, spiritually, and in other areas.

1) I want to finish a warrior dash (or multiple). They're the 5K runs through the mud. I would have looked into them this past summer, but I haven't been training for that kind of conditioning. I would love to hold those medals on me and say "Yes...I did that." And they look insanely fun too.
2) I want to excel beyond my past skill in baseball. Recently I've felt a calling to return to the ballfield, but in a different venue: baseball ministry. I still don't know how this will take form, but this is also something I have to figure out (see goal #3). But I want to return to my past form and continue excelling beyond that. I want to be content with the knowledge that I could hold my own in the minor leagues (and who knows, maybe try out someday) :)
3) Take a UPI missions trip. UPI is Unlimited Potential Inc., and they do short-term missions trips to different countries to do baseball clinics and stuff like that. This seems like a really neat opportunity, and I think I would get a great deal of insight from taking one of these trips. So if the Lord allows, I will take one of these trips next year and find out more about my dream of baseball ministry.
4) Schedule God-time. This may be the most important thing of all. In order to do anything with ministry, I need to have God by my side and I need to be seeking His counsel every day. And I can't do that if I don't spend time with Him. Today in Sunday School we learned about praying continually, which means being in constant contact with God. We don't have to spend an hour at a time on our knees talking out loud, but God needs to invade every part of our lives, to the point where serving isn't even a thought but a reaction. I just saw a friend's facebook status, saying he talked about theology with a homeless man for a half hour. Know what I did tonight? I saw a lady on my way home that needed a ride somewhere...not sure what her story was, but she needed a ride. And I blew right by her. I often relate my personality to that of Peter in the gospels...well, tonight I felt like him. I felt like Peter in that moment when Jesus' bloody face looked at him after the disowning when the rooster crowed. And just like Peter did, I sat in my car at my apartment and wept bitterly.

It's so easy to put on a Christian t-shirt (which I was wearing tonight) and listen to Christian music (which I was listening to on my right home), and try to live without God's heart. It's far too easy to do that. We don't get judged, we don't get hurt by others, and we're just another face in the crowd that goes about his/her business. THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS LIFE IS ABOUT! This life is about full service, full surrender, total praise to our King. And I've tried many times to serve God on my own will and power. It just doesn't work that way...we need GOD in order to serve God! So while I want to work hard at tasks I have in front of me, I want my directive to be set. I can't even look in the mirror at myself right now because of my shame from tonight. I prayed "God, I can't believe you could love me. I don't even deserve to breathe. I just don't get how you love me." And I don't know if I'll ever truly understand. But y'know what? It doesn't matter if I understand it or not...all I have to do is believe it. And it's easy to believe it, because it's sitting right in the most quoted verse in history: "FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT..." That's the proof...God loves us, end of story. I can't understand how I just disregarded His daughter along the side of the road, and yet He loves me and has already forgiven me. It's baffling. But, He still loves...the Bible said so. And so this is the most important part of this coming year and years after. I want to work hard at my relationship with God. It's pathetic to think that he was tortured for me, and I can't even give Him a few minutes a day. I know I often wait on God to say something to me, but I think we call the Bible "God's Word" and forget that He's talking to us whenever we read it. So I've got quite a year ahead of me. Plenty to learn, plenty of room to grow. And God be with me...here I go.


And as a bonus, listen to this song. Whether it has anything to do with this note or not, it doesn't matter...just listen to the song and let it convict you as much as it is me right now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ec7ofMOqVM

Ruts

I think this is a really good time for me to write...spontaneity is always the best thing when it comes to writing.

So...lately things haven't been great. Lately as in the past 2 or 3 weeks, but climaxing the past 3 days. My life has been insanely busy as usual, but I found myself making a dangerous mistake...I let my busyness get in the way of my spiritual life. Satan took full advantage...all of a sudden I noticed I wasn't praying fervently, I wasn't in the Word, I was getting increasingly frustrated with work, and things just kept stacking up. So I deliberately took a night away from everything just to reflect on what's been going on.

Yesterday I had an interesting thought pop in my head...I felt as though I was trying to serve God without being close to God. I guess I would "go through the motions" to an extent, but internally I was suffering. I just wasn't letting God have control of my life, and I tried to take over again. Well, I've had plenty of experience of what happens when I try to direct my own life. I mess up quite a bit. I let my temper take over and may God forgive what comes out of my mouth.

So this is me trying to figure out where to go when these ruts happen, because they happen more than I'd like. And granted, I'm blessed with many people who love and care about me, but being an only child and living alone, this is something between me and God alone (I'm just choosing to publish it on my blog :) ). Well allow me to share some thoughts I'm having.

1) Being blessed with athleticism and physicality, I like to relate my spiritual life to physical activity. There are 2 things I can relate to: baseball and weightlifting, so I'll start with baseball. A rut in baseball would be if a batter was slumping, meaning that he's not getting base hits in a long series of at-bats. And of course, I've gone through them, and anyone who's played baseball has gone through them. Sometimes slumps can happen just out of coincidence...nothing really changes, but the ball just isn't finding it's way to the ground. But more often than not, slumps can happen because of just an EXTREMELY small change in mechanics, basically undetectable. This is why I video myself every time I hit the batting cages, so that I can see exactly how I'm swinging and what I need to do to hit the ball better. But this nearly undetectable change can be the difference between a home run and a strikeout. See the parallel?

2) Same goes with weightlifting. I starting lifting with a buddy a little more than 3 months ago, and I've noticed a considerable change in my strength. However, there's a little thing known as "plateauing", when suddenly you aren't seeing considerable increases in strength and weightlifting amounts. This is easily grounds for discouragement. So what do you do? Well, step back and analyze what's going on. For me, I like to stay in a routine if I'm comfortable with it, and that's why plateauing happens. Muscles become accustomed to moving the same way, so you don't get considerable gains after awhile. It's necessary to edit your routine and do something new in order to shock your muscles so that they can continue to grow. So, small edits to a routine...hmmm....

Back to the rut I've been going through. Today is that day where I just have to take a small step back and analyze what's been going on, figure out how to make a change, and move forward. Well, it's like I mentioned before, I was trying to serve God without being close to God. In the Christian life, alone time with God should be the single most important thing that we can do. It's easy to talk about having a relationship with God, but we can't have that relationship if we're not doing anything about it. God's always waiting and always ready for us. "For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" - Exodus 34:14. God loves us...He wants our attention and is always waiting for it. I've heard it said that God isn't going to try to compete with things of this world for our attention. God should expect our attention for no other reason than that He's GOD! Even time with good Christian brothers and sisters is nothing compared to being intimate with God. The thing I need to change in my life is to give my life to God once again, and the only way to do that is to pray and seek daily.

But the great thing I'm learning about going through ruts is that I find that I come out stronger. It makes sense with the parallels also. When you break out of a batting slump, you generally become a much more dangerous hitter than when you were before. When you start to climb out of a plateau in weightlifting, you become MUCH stronger than before. As I'm maturing, I realize that these ruts never last as long as they used to, and I come out of them a stronger man of God than I was previously. Friends, we're promised hard times on this earth. But through these hard times, we can find God in a whole new way and learn about Him and ourselves. My charge to myself and to anyone reading is to embrace the rut that you're in and ask, "What is God trying to teach me through this?" In this case, God is teaching me to come back to Him and to surrender myself to His following. Please pray for me as I'll pray for anyone reading this. And praise God for allowing to go through trials, because we can stand resolutely on the promise of James 1, that we WILL come out stronger.