Wow, it's been awhile since I really dove into thought...too long for my liking. As always, I don't know exactly what I want to say, but I'm going to speak from whatever my heart says. But this is a little different. Sometimes I tend to "sermonize" with my facebook notes and hope people learn from my experiences, but that's not the case this time. This time I'm just speaking directly from my heart...I'm happy for anyone who reads, but I'm not trying to get anyone to learn anything for once. And Satan's already been after me...it's almost 11 and I'm waking up at 5:30 tomorrow and he doesn't want this to be written. But he can't stop this one. So...here goes.
It's no secret that I've struggled with my relationship/martial/whatever-you-want-to-call-it status. No matter how much I have tried to deny it or overcome it, it is what it is: I don't like being single. I wish I had someone to call my own. I wish I had a beautiful, godly woman to whom I can offer my strength and protection. I long for that and I can't get rid of that longing. But I had a strange thought hit me tonight. A very simple, yet incredibly complicated question. "Why?" I would think that most guys can answer why they want a wife...but can they really? So it got me thinking.
Tonight I was listening to Background by Lecrae. There's no point in the song that talks about girlfriends or wives or anything like that. The song has a very simple message, yet I believe it's the simplest messages that are the most profoundly deep. The chorus goes "I could play the background / I could play the background / 'Cause I know sometimes / I get in the way / So won't You take the lead, lead, lead / So won't You take the lead, lead, lead / And I could play the background / And You could take the lead...." And it's that same message, just said in many different ways throughout the song...it's beautiful. But somehow it was this song that spurred my thinking and made me ask this question.
"Why?" That was my question. Another way to ask that question is, "for what reason?" Specifically, I was thinking about this in terms of godly women. For what reason do I want a godly woman? Now, at first glance it should seem fairly obvious, right? Well, godly women are the good girls...ones that will remain faithful, won't get into trouble, will give all of their love, and so on. I think most "good" guys want that. But WHY do I want that? For WHAT reason? Is it truly for the reasons I listed above, to offer my strength and protection? Or perhaps...for more fleshly reasons, ones which I'm not proud to admit? Is it to drink in her beauty, for safety, and to make life easy for me? A godly woman can certainly be that for me, I see it done all the time.
And what about the other side...what do godly women want? Why? For what reason? Godly women want godly men. MOST (and I believe this is what they SHOULD want, from a biblical perspective) want godly men who will lead them in the ways of Christ. One that WILL offer their strength and protection that only comes from the Most High. I've heard this from many girls my age, and every time I hear it, I think "I'm right here". It's puzzled me for a long time. I'm a godly man, wanting desperately to give these things, and you're a godly woman, wanting those things of your man. So...what's missing?
Well, this song gave me a little bit of perspective (actually, a lot of bit of perspective). This story is about God. I hear it many times and believe it...our life is a blink. God is forever...we get 15 seconds of fame, then we're gone. Want proof? History majors or politicians might get this, but think like the common man for a second. Think of arguably, our most famous president, Abraham Lincoln. He lived 50-some years, accomplishing amazing things for our country. So...who was his vice president? The answer is Hannibal Hamlin, who lived for over 80 years. Does anyone even remember him? I certainly don't...I didn't even know he existed. And think of all of the other people who lived during that time...do they have a legacy today? Barely any do. Everyone knows God...He's the most famous dude in the universe. The story can't be about us, we don't even remember the 2nd most powerful man in the U.S. in 1860. Wow...that was a rabbit trail. So since our lives are just a blink, we can't play the lead, it HAS to be God. We have to be instruments in God's story. Everything I do has to be OF God and glorify God.
So with that said, there's something I left out. What do godly women want? Godly women want their relationship with God to be the forefront of their lives. And a true godly man will want the same, and that's when the two are brought together, or IF the two are brought together. I can safely say that I'm not ready to be in a relationship, because of how I answered my question. I want a godly woman that will give me attention. I want her to love me (which she will), but I'm being selfish...it's like I don't even want to share her with God, because then I won't be getting the attention I want. How wrong! I can't possibly lead someone in Christ's name if I try to put that relationship in front of my relationship with God. I will always consider myself a godly man and always will be, don't get me wrong. But today I realized the error in my thinking. I still very much want a relationship for many reasons, but God showed me where I still need work, and I'm able to rest now because of that. So I can't be running around trying to find my future wife like I have been...I need to relax and learn about my relationship with God. And for anyone that does actually read this...I just want you know that this is very hard for me to write. I feel a great sense of shame...I wish I had a lot of things "all together" in my mind, but clearly right now I don't. It hurts for me to say that and admit it, but I know this is God's way of breaking me so that He can mold me into a greater man. So no matter how ashamed and might be and no matter how much it hurts, I'm grateful that God is using these words to break me down. I just need to play the background...disregard what I want and serve what God wants, because the story just isn't about me. As humbling as that is, we serve the greatest God imaginable...and I wouldn't want to play the background to any other story :)
It's no secret that I've struggled with my relationship/martial/whatever-you-want-to-call-it status. No matter how much I have tried to deny it or overcome it, it is what it is: I don't like being single. I wish I had someone to call my own. I wish I had a beautiful, godly woman to whom I can offer my strength and protection. I long for that and I can't get rid of that longing. But I had a strange thought hit me tonight. A very simple, yet incredibly complicated question. "Why?" I would think that most guys can answer why they want a wife...but can they really? So it got me thinking.
Tonight I was listening to Background by Lecrae. There's no point in the song that talks about girlfriends or wives or anything like that. The song has a very simple message, yet I believe it's the simplest messages that are the most profoundly deep. The chorus goes "I could play the background / I could play the background / 'Cause I know sometimes / I get in the way / So won't You take the lead, lead, lead / So won't You take the lead, lead, lead / And I could play the background / And You could take the lead...." And it's that same message, just said in many different ways throughout the song...it's beautiful. But somehow it was this song that spurred my thinking and made me ask this question.
"Why?" That was my question. Another way to ask that question is, "for what reason?" Specifically, I was thinking about this in terms of godly women. For what reason do I want a godly woman? Now, at first glance it should seem fairly obvious, right? Well, godly women are the good girls...ones that will remain faithful, won't get into trouble, will give all of their love, and so on. I think most "good" guys want that. But WHY do I want that? For WHAT reason? Is it truly for the reasons I listed above, to offer my strength and protection? Or perhaps...for more fleshly reasons, ones which I'm not proud to admit? Is it to drink in her beauty, for safety, and to make life easy for me? A godly woman can certainly be that for me, I see it done all the time.
And what about the other side...what do godly women want? Why? For what reason? Godly women want godly men. MOST (and I believe this is what they SHOULD want, from a biblical perspective) want godly men who will lead them in the ways of Christ. One that WILL offer their strength and protection that only comes from the Most High. I've heard this from many girls my age, and every time I hear it, I think "I'm right here". It's puzzled me for a long time. I'm a godly man, wanting desperately to give these things, and you're a godly woman, wanting those things of your man. So...what's missing?
Well, this song gave me a little bit of perspective (actually, a lot of bit of perspective). This story is about God. I hear it many times and believe it...our life is a blink. God is forever...we get 15 seconds of fame, then we're gone. Want proof? History majors or politicians might get this, but think like the common man for a second. Think of arguably, our most famous president, Abraham Lincoln. He lived 50-some years, accomplishing amazing things for our country. So...who was his vice president? The answer is Hannibal Hamlin, who lived for over 80 years. Does anyone even remember him? I certainly don't...I didn't even know he existed. And think of all of the other people who lived during that time...do they have a legacy today? Barely any do. Everyone knows God...He's the most famous dude in the universe. The story can't be about us, we don't even remember the 2nd most powerful man in the U.S. in 1860. Wow...that was a rabbit trail. So since our lives are just a blink, we can't play the lead, it HAS to be God. We have to be instruments in God's story. Everything I do has to be OF God and glorify God.
So with that said, there's something I left out. What do godly women want? Godly women want their relationship with God to be the forefront of their lives. And a true godly man will want the same, and that's when the two are brought together, or IF the two are brought together. I can safely say that I'm not ready to be in a relationship, because of how I answered my question. I want a godly woman that will give me attention. I want her to love me (which she will), but I'm being selfish...it's like I don't even want to share her with God, because then I won't be getting the attention I want. How wrong! I can't possibly lead someone in Christ's name if I try to put that relationship in front of my relationship with God. I will always consider myself a godly man and always will be, don't get me wrong. But today I realized the error in my thinking. I still very much want a relationship for many reasons, but God showed me where I still need work, and I'm able to rest now because of that. So I can't be running around trying to find my future wife like I have been...I need to relax and learn about my relationship with God. And for anyone that does actually read this...I just want you know that this is very hard for me to write. I feel a great sense of shame...I wish I had a lot of things "all together" in my mind, but clearly right now I don't. It hurts for me to say that and admit it, but I know this is God's way of breaking me so that He can mold me into a greater man. So no matter how ashamed and might be and no matter how much it hurts, I'm grateful that God is using these words to break me down. I just need to play the background...disregard what I want and serve what God wants, because the story just isn't about me. As humbling as that is, we serve the greatest God imaginable...and I wouldn't want to play the background to any other story :)
