I have no idea where this is about to take me...but here goes.
Due to personal ties on Facebook that would offend some people, I unfortunately can't share details of some things that have been on my mind. But recently I've been exploring the concept of "manhood". It's something that I greatly desire to achieve, even though I don't fully know what it is or what it takes to achieve it. All I know is that it takes more than what I've been willing to put in.
I've begun to read through a book called The Disciplined Life. I've never fully read through it, but it's something that needs to be done. Yesterday, the chapter I read was entitled "Discipline the Mark of Maturity." This intrigued me...I always considered myself mature even though I act goofy or silly. I know I act goofy so that I can make other people laugh. It brings me joy to see other people smile and I enjoy bringing a smile to them. But even though I may act what seems to be "immature", I always thought behind the scenes that, yeah, I have my mind about me. Yeah, I'm mature...I got everything under control. Hm...yeah.
In this chapter, there were subtitles where the author outlined specific aspects of maturity: appetite, emotions, moods, speech, priorities, and adjustment to authority. I read through the short 13 pages easily...at the same time, difficult. I was so intrigued at learning that I couldn't put it down, all the while I was disheartened. By the end of the chapter I came to a very sharp and painful realization...I didn't meet any one of these aspects of maturity. That's a frightening realization at age 22. At 18, you're legally considered an adult, ready to meet adult responsibilities. I was a senior in high school then...on top of the world, feeling like I had everything all together. I'm now a senior in college, and I can safely say that I'm terrified of what's coming, especially with this new view of maturity and how it relates to myself. I can safely say that I struggle with every single area of maturity. Every. Single. Area
Appetite. At first we thing of one thing: food. Even this I struggle in. Up until I was about 16, I was an extremely picky eater. Now I eat almost anything put in front of me, and that's a problem. I eat almost anything in front of me...when it's meat. I'm definitely a meatatarian...and let me tell you, from my point of view it takes a disciplined meatatarian to power down a salad. I know it's necessary, but I just don't do it. It's legitimately a challenge for me to eat a salad, and that's sad. But appetite extends far beyond just food, but into the realm of sexual desires. This....is my big one. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember and continue to do so, capitalizing at being addicted to pornography for about 6 years. It's still a battle...one I don't want to fight and one I grow extremely weary of fighting. The disciplined man, however, doesn't face this. Instead of sitting at the computer screen, the disciplined man is on his knees saying "By God's grace, I refuse to do this anymore." Because of that, I haven't fallen in this regard in a few months. Still, I've plenty to learn and grow.
Emotions. Hey, I'm an emotional guy...it is what it is. I definitely wear my emotions on my sleeve, and that can be either good or bad. It's good because I have passion about things and I show it...but it can be bad when my emotions spiral out of control, and no one knows what to think of me. God wants us to be warm towards others...that's an emotion. But when that warmness becomes just giddy impulsiveness as The Disciplined Life says, it becomes adolescent in nature and not mature. On the flip side, an absence of warmness, which I exhibit much more than a God-fearing Christian should, can lead to many destructive things. Again...I need work.
Moods. Ohhhh here we go. Emotions tie into this, but extend far beyond. Moods need to be kept on a tight leash in all situations...that's where strength truly lies. I'm sure many people can attest to the way that I've been acting lately...moody. I feel like no one knows what mood I'm going to be in from one day to the next, or even from one hour to another. Example: today. I was in a relatively good mood as I spent the day with family. Then as the day went on, I became more neutral...then as the last of my family left, I became silent and depressive. That continued until after the Christmas Eve service due to a lot of things I was thinking about...and then I came back and started watching A Christmas Story, and was happy again. This is not the mark of a disciplined and mature man, and I know it. I hear from different people about how I act (mainly family), and I never like what they have to say. The first thought that comes into my mind is, "you know what, screw off. It's my life and I'll live it the way I want to." It would be so easy for me to say that, and it's something I'm very tempted to say time and time again. Some people would be proud of themselves to saying what's on their mind, like I envision people are of me. But unfortunately for me, the Bible says "A fool uttereth all on his mind." By the Bible's definition, I've been a fool as opposed to the disciplined man I need to be. The disciplined man keeps a consistent face, with only a small wavering in moods. Not the kind of unpredictable behavior that I'm used to exhibiting. The disciplined man is not moody, that's pretty much the bottom line. I owe a lot of people an apology...I don't know to who all, but I know some specifically. Particularly my family that reads my facebook statuses. I don't know how, but I've offended you with things that I've said over facebook through my statuses. To that, I apologize, and vow that I'm going to work rigorously on keeping my moods on a short leash, and show strength in my face to all I encounter.
Speech. Again, relating to many other things such as emotions and moods. People think mostly of swearing, which is something I mostly have under control. Sometimes I try to justify saying "damn" or "hell", but there's still no excuse for it. My friend once said this to me, and I took it to heart, "Swearing is only for people who have nothing better to say." But I even want to take it a step further than that: "Swearing is only for people who don't possess the intellectual capacity to say something more intelligent." Think about it...who swears? People who get angry, yes. But also people who just look stupid when doing it. When I hear someone dropping the F bomb in every other word, my first thought is wow...what an idiot. I say my original quote not to tear down any individual, but to pose a challenge. Keep speech clean of that junk...no one needs it. I can say all of this in confidence because I've been there, and am still there to a degree. I know I need work. But besides swearing, here's another thought. I probably can't count how many times I've said "That's what she said" this semester. In my opinion, I might as well be swearing. All I'm doing by saying that is causing my brothers and sisters around me to think pervertedly, in the same manner that I probably am. And that's wrong. By keeping my speech clean of that, I can also keep my thoughts and others thoughts clean as well. No one likes a dirty mouth. Not anyone that's deserving of YOUR companionship, anyway.
Those were the main ones I wanted to cover. Priorities and authority are left, but thinking about it can lead you to disciplined answers. But as I said before...I put myself on this scale of 6 points of maturity, and I failed every one. What an eye opener that was. And here I am, writing another facebook note and wondering where to go next. Maturity seems to have eluded me recently, and what a time to think about all of this but on Christmas Eve, where I have the perfect example of the most mature, disciplined, and manliest man in history: Jesus Christ. It seems that even though Jesus was born around this time and receiving most of the presents, I received a present from Him. That present is an outline. An outline of true discipline, and the answer to my "manhood" problem. For the Christian man, whether single or otherwise, I need to have control over my physical appetite and sexual desires. I need to guard my emotions and keep my moods from wavering so drastically. I need to guard my speech and keep a reign on my tongue. No one said that discipline is easy...in fact it's just the opposite. But I want more in life than just my own self-gratification. I want to be pleasing to others, and I want to be pleasing to God. I want to be a respectable figure amongst my friends and family. I want to be a true pillar of strength for those that need me to be. For that, I must work harder than I ever have. I must deny myself daily, carry my cross with my head held high, and walk the path that Jesus walked before me. If you have faith in God and believe that Jesus sacrificed himself that we might have eternal life, we get a free pass to Heaven. But God doesn't want just that for us. God wants the true warriors for His Kingdom...ones that have dedicated their lives to working on earth for His cause. God wants the battle-scarred soldier to enter into Heaven, not softies floating up on clouds. Imagine the joy of getting to Heaven after living a life of intense discipline on earth. Imagine seeing God on the Day of Judgment...and then imagine Him smile at what you've accomplished. "WELL done, my good and faithful servant!" Now imagine you just accepted the Jesus Present, and have your golden ticket to Heaven. Imagine seeing God on the Day of Judgment. Instead of smiling this time, He says, "Well, because you believed in Me, you get to go to Heaven...but you didn't live your life for Me after accepting the gift of salvation. Shame on you." Of course, I could be wrong in some of this, but hopefully you get the idea. I know what I want to hear when I get to Heaven. In order for me to hear God say well done, I know what I need to be. The appetite...the emotions...the moods...the speech...ALL need to be God-honoring and then some. God has given me gifts of encouragement, strength, and speaking to others in this way. I refuse to waste those gifts anymore. As Pillar says, stand beside or step aside, I'm on the front line. Now watch me fly. The time is now.
Merry Christmas to everyone...remember your Savior this day :)
Due to personal ties on Facebook that would offend some people, I unfortunately can't share details of some things that have been on my mind. But recently I've been exploring the concept of "manhood". It's something that I greatly desire to achieve, even though I don't fully know what it is or what it takes to achieve it. All I know is that it takes more than what I've been willing to put in.
I've begun to read through a book called The Disciplined Life. I've never fully read through it, but it's something that needs to be done. Yesterday, the chapter I read was entitled "Discipline the Mark of Maturity." This intrigued me...I always considered myself mature even though I act goofy or silly. I know I act goofy so that I can make other people laugh. It brings me joy to see other people smile and I enjoy bringing a smile to them. But even though I may act what seems to be "immature", I always thought behind the scenes that, yeah, I have my mind about me. Yeah, I'm mature...I got everything under control. Hm...yeah.
In this chapter, there were subtitles where the author outlined specific aspects of maturity: appetite, emotions, moods, speech, priorities, and adjustment to authority. I read through the short 13 pages easily...at the same time, difficult. I was so intrigued at learning that I couldn't put it down, all the while I was disheartened. By the end of the chapter I came to a very sharp and painful realization...I didn't meet any one of these aspects of maturity. That's a frightening realization at age 22. At 18, you're legally considered an adult, ready to meet adult responsibilities. I was a senior in high school then...on top of the world, feeling like I had everything all together. I'm now a senior in college, and I can safely say that I'm terrified of what's coming, especially with this new view of maturity and how it relates to myself. I can safely say that I struggle with every single area of maturity. Every. Single. Area
Appetite. At first we thing of one thing: food. Even this I struggle in. Up until I was about 16, I was an extremely picky eater. Now I eat almost anything put in front of me, and that's a problem. I eat almost anything in front of me...when it's meat. I'm definitely a meatatarian...and let me tell you, from my point of view it takes a disciplined meatatarian to power down a salad. I know it's necessary, but I just don't do it. It's legitimately a challenge for me to eat a salad, and that's sad. But appetite extends far beyond just food, but into the realm of sexual desires. This....is my big one. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember and continue to do so, capitalizing at being addicted to pornography for about 6 years. It's still a battle...one I don't want to fight and one I grow extremely weary of fighting. The disciplined man, however, doesn't face this. Instead of sitting at the computer screen, the disciplined man is on his knees saying "By God's grace, I refuse to do this anymore." Because of that, I haven't fallen in this regard in a few months. Still, I've plenty to learn and grow.
Emotions. Hey, I'm an emotional guy...it is what it is. I definitely wear my emotions on my sleeve, and that can be either good or bad. It's good because I have passion about things and I show it...but it can be bad when my emotions spiral out of control, and no one knows what to think of me. God wants us to be warm towards others...that's an emotion. But when that warmness becomes just giddy impulsiveness as The Disciplined Life says, it becomes adolescent in nature and not mature. On the flip side, an absence of warmness, which I exhibit much more than a God-fearing Christian should, can lead to many destructive things. Again...I need work.
Moods. Ohhhh here we go. Emotions tie into this, but extend far beyond. Moods need to be kept on a tight leash in all situations...that's where strength truly lies. I'm sure many people can attest to the way that I've been acting lately...moody. I feel like no one knows what mood I'm going to be in from one day to the next, or even from one hour to another. Example: today. I was in a relatively good mood as I spent the day with family. Then as the day went on, I became more neutral...then as the last of my family left, I became silent and depressive. That continued until after the Christmas Eve service due to a lot of things I was thinking about...and then I came back and started watching A Christmas Story, and was happy again. This is not the mark of a disciplined and mature man, and I know it. I hear from different people about how I act (mainly family), and I never like what they have to say. The first thought that comes into my mind is, "you know what, screw off. It's my life and I'll live it the way I want to." It would be so easy for me to say that, and it's something I'm very tempted to say time and time again. Some people would be proud of themselves to saying what's on their mind, like I envision people are of me. But unfortunately for me, the Bible says "A fool uttereth all on his mind." By the Bible's definition, I've been a fool as opposed to the disciplined man I need to be. The disciplined man keeps a consistent face, with only a small wavering in moods. Not the kind of unpredictable behavior that I'm used to exhibiting. The disciplined man is not moody, that's pretty much the bottom line. I owe a lot of people an apology...I don't know to who all, but I know some specifically. Particularly my family that reads my facebook statuses. I don't know how, but I've offended you with things that I've said over facebook through my statuses. To that, I apologize, and vow that I'm going to work rigorously on keeping my moods on a short leash, and show strength in my face to all I encounter.
Speech. Again, relating to many other things such as emotions and moods. People think mostly of swearing, which is something I mostly have under control. Sometimes I try to justify saying "damn" or "hell", but there's still no excuse for it. My friend once said this to me, and I took it to heart, "Swearing is only for people who have nothing better to say." But I even want to take it a step further than that: "Swearing is only for people who don't possess the intellectual capacity to say something more intelligent." Think about it...who swears? People who get angry, yes. But also people who just look stupid when doing it. When I hear someone dropping the F bomb in every other word, my first thought is wow...what an idiot. I say my original quote not to tear down any individual, but to pose a challenge. Keep speech clean of that junk...no one needs it. I can say all of this in confidence because I've been there, and am still there to a degree. I know I need work. But besides swearing, here's another thought. I probably can't count how many times I've said "That's what she said" this semester. In my opinion, I might as well be swearing. All I'm doing by saying that is causing my brothers and sisters around me to think pervertedly, in the same manner that I probably am. And that's wrong. By keeping my speech clean of that, I can also keep my thoughts and others thoughts clean as well. No one likes a dirty mouth. Not anyone that's deserving of YOUR companionship, anyway.
Those were the main ones I wanted to cover. Priorities and authority are left, but thinking about it can lead you to disciplined answers. But as I said before...I put myself on this scale of 6 points of maturity, and I failed every one. What an eye opener that was. And here I am, writing another facebook note and wondering where to go next. Maturity seems to have eluded me recently, and what a time to think about all of this but on Christmas Eve, where I have the perfect example of the most mature, disciplined, and manliest man in history: Jesus Christ. It seems that even though Jesus was born around this time and receiving most of the presents, I received a present from Him. That present is an outline. An outline of true discipline, and the answer to my "manhood" problem. For the Christian man, whether single or otherwise, I need to have control over my physical appetite and sexual desires. I need to guard my emotions and keep my moods from wavering so drastically. I need to guard my speech and keep a reign on my tongue. No one said that discipline is easy...in fact it's just the opposite. But I want more in life than just my own self-gratification. I want to be pleasing to others, and I want to be pleasing to God. I want to be a respectable figure amongst my friends and family. I want to be a true pillar of strength for those that need me to be. For that, I must work harder than I ever have. I must deny myself daily, carry my cross with my head held high, and walk the path that Jesus walked before me. If you have faith in God and believe that Jesus sacrificed himself that we might have eternal life, we get a free pass to Heaven. But God doesn't want just that for us. God wants the true warriors for His Kingdom...ones that have dedicated their lives to working on earth for His cause. God wants the battle-scarred soldier to enter into Heaven, not softies floating up on clouds. Imagine the joy of getting to Heaven after living a life of intense discipline on earth. Imagine seeing God on the Day of Judgment...and then imagine Him smile at what you've accomplished. "WELL done, my good and faithful servant!" Now imagine you just accepted the Jesus Present, and have your golden ticket to Heaven. Imagine seeing God on the Day of Judgment. Instead of smiling this time, He says, "Well, because you believed in Me, you get to go to Heaven...but you didn't live your life for Me after accepting the gift of salvation. Shame on you." Of course, I could be wrong in some of this, but hopefully you get the idea. I know what I want to hear when I get to Heaven. In order for me to hear God say well done, I know what I need to be. The appetite...the emotions...the moods...the speech...ALL need to be God-honoring and then some. God has given me gifts of encouragement, strength, and speaking to others in this way. I refuse to waste those gifts anymore. As Pillar says, stand beside or step aside, I'm on the front line. Now watch me fly. The time is now.
Merry Christmas to everyone...remember your Savior this day :)
