I'm not looking for feedback, but if you feel led to comment then please feel free to do so. This is just what has been on my heart lately.
It's strange how you learn the most about yourself when you've hit rock bottom. That's how I felt today. As I sat in my Database Concepts class, this thought popped into my head about destiny. We had Professor Nejmeh come into class to tell us about the next class after this one, Database Applications (which I'll be taking in the spring). He told us about the World Vision project that occurred last year and just what a great experience it was, and how it truly helped those in need. It seems that in the spring, we'll be undertaking another great project similar to the one that occurred last year. He mentioned my roommate Phil various times, and the simple quote that appears as Phil's Skype status, "This is how you change the world." I never knew what Phil meant by that and I had never bothered to ask, but it's incredibly cool knowing that through this project in Africa, they really DID change the world. Then a very simple but profound quote popped into my head, which was very appropriate for the way I've been acting the past few weeks. It was simply,
"Am I destined for greater things?"
Recently I've been angry. Angry at what? I don't even know. I've just been generally unhappy and unsatisfied with almost everything. I wasn't necessarily angry at God or angry at anyone in particular...I've just been angry. And it's been a vicious cycle. Since I don't know what I've been angry about, it makes me angrier because I feel helpless to rectify the issue. It's been a cycle that has seemed to capitalize today. I came back from my 8:00 class extremely frustrated because my professor who NEVER assigns us homework (besides the papers...one due last week and one due next week) gave us homework due next week...the same time as the paper. I was especially annoyed because I had planned out my entire week of work based on the fact that my girlfriend who's been in Australia for the past 4 months is coming back on Saturday, so I needed to have all of my homework done before the weekend when I go up to visit her. So I came back to the room about ready to break the world in half, and I went to my next class figuring that with my luck, I'd get more homework. But this was the class where Professor Nejmeh told us about the World Vision project and when this quote popped into my head.
Like I said, you learn the most about yourself when you hit rock bottom. Here, I felt myself about ready to hit that rock. In the midst of it all, I could feel my selfishness and my self-pity exuding from me, as if it was saying "Woe is me, things didn't go my way and now I have to re-plan some things. And, God forbid, I might actually have to do a little WORK." That was about the time that I felt God saying, "Alright, shut up. It's my turn to speak." You don't think He's that harsh? Remember when Peter denied Jesus three times when the rooster crowed? Then Peter looked at the bloodied face of Jesus, still with enough power to shoot a disappointed look towards Peter. Call it tough love. Peter learned his lesson. What I need many times is tough love. When it comes from God, I definitely listen.
I'm a fairly average student. I have a scholarship where I need to keep a 3.0 total GPA for the year. Right now I have a 2.8, which is fine if I get a 3.2 in the spring. But my classes are relatively easy this semester, and they're going to get much harder next semester. But this question keeps popping into my head and it's stirring a stronger will in me...the will to achieve. I mentioned my roommate Phil and how he had a hand in the World Vision project. He's been a great mentor to me whether he realizes it or not. He just seems to have it all together, even though I'm sure he'd be the first to admit that he doesn't. But he works hard and it's encouraging, even more so because it's in the field that I want to be in when I graduate from college. It's been a real blessing to live with him this year, because his work has shown me that all it takes is a little self-application. Because "This is how you change the world".
So what does God have destined for me? Am I going to grow up and be a super-programmer for a prestigious company? Maybe. Will I grow older and be a bum on the street, begging for a few pennies and huddled in a box waiting until the day I die? Also maybe. But I know what God has gifted me with. He has gifted me with an inquisitive mind that can figure things out. He's gifted me with the ability to work with computers and understand what makes them work. He's gifted me with the ability to communicate with others and be an encouragement. He's gifted me with blessings that I take for granted every day. Who am I to complain about an unwanted assignment when others aren't even complaining about the food that they might NOT receive the next day? God has blessed me with the opportunity to go to Messiah College, where I will receive a great education, and where I may have even met the girl with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. And yet I go from class to class, grumbling that I may actually have to apply myself to what God wants me to learn. No...no more. No more of this mindless complaining. No more of the selfishness. No more of the "Woe is me". So my girlfriend is in Australia...she's only there for 4 more days! Some men are sent off to war with the premonition that they won't even see their girlfriend again! WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN?!?!? Not anymore. God didn't create me to tell Him that He messed up with me. He didn't create me to have me tell Him how my life should roll. He created me to worship Him alone, that He might be pleased with the way I live my life.
So, "am I destined for greater things?" The answer is yes. I can't let myself fall into my old mindset anymore. I've been blessed beyond belief, and it's evident all around me. Now I have to use what I've been blessed for God and for others. I want to change the world too.
