I had a weird dream last night. I felt that God was speaking to me through it. I can't remember where I was, but I was with a few friends and a kid named Bobby. I had never seen Bobby nor had I known him in the past. He was a very rough-around-the-edges type of kid...he listened to a lot of heavy metal music and engaged in a lot of worldly activities. I struck up a conversation with Bobby and we talked about his habits. I decided to try to witness to him, but the conversation didn't go far. I was disappointed, but I felt I still made a marginal impact on him.
Then the scene shifted to Lottie. I was with Bill, Dan, and the other bio majors that I typically eat lunch with on Wednesdays. It was odd that Scott was the one that I struck up a conversation with. I believe that he is a strong Christian and he has given me no other reason to believe otherwise ("Thus, by their fruits you will recognize them" Matthew 7:20). But in my dream, Scott was not a Christian. He was still relatively quiet and he still maintained aspects of his personality, but he was just not a Christian. So again I struck up a conversation about God and why he isn't a Christian. He responded with something like, "Well, it's just not for me. I can rely on myself and I don't need God. I guess I just lie at one end of the spectrum." Then we started talking about what it actually means to be a Christian...mainly the servant aspect. When we started talking about this, I accidentally knocked over Dan's drink. When I did this, I acted hastily to clean the mess up. But then I paused and looked at Scott and said, "You say you lie at one end of the spectrum. Let me show you what the other end of the spectrum looks like." I promptly got up and went to get Dan another drink and brought it back to him. I'm sure in real life, this wouldn't mean too much. But when I did this in my dream, I could see that Scott was convicted. I was happy not for what I did, but for the fact that now Scott seemed to want to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.
I'm not sure why I dreamed the things I dreamed, but I felt that God was speaking to me through them. We can all be a part of something bigger if we look for opportunities and listen for God. God speaks whenever He chooses and wherever He chooses. This time, He decided to speak to me in a somewhat nonsensical dream. We can all afford to learn a lesson every once in awhile. Today, my lesson is to look for opportunities to share God. He calls us to action every day. It's our choice to follow. I know...finals are here, schoolwork is always around, and studying will never go away. But God is here too. Are you prepared to tell the God of Creation that your work is bigger than Him? Yes, God wants us to work hard at the tasks at hand, but we can't forget about the ultimate mission to which he has called us as Christians.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Reflections on Destiny
I'm not looking for feedback, but if you feel led to comment then please feel free to do so. This is just what has been on my heart lately.
It's strange how you learn the most about yourself when you've hit rock bottom. That's how I felt today. As I sat in my Database Concepts class, this thought popped into my head about destiny. We had Professor Nejmeh come into class to tell us about the next class after this one, Database Applications (which I'll be taking in the spring). He told us about the World Vision project that occurred last year and just what a great experience it was, and how it truly helped those in need. It seems that in the spring, we'll be undertaking another great project similar to the one that occurred last year. He mentioned my roommate Phil various times, and the simple quote that appears as Phil's Skype status, "This is how you change the world." I never knew what Phil meant by that and I had never bothered to ask, but it's incredibly cool knowing that through this project in Africa, they really DID change the world. Then a very simple but profound quote popped into my head, which was very appropriate for the way I've been acting the past few weeks. It was simply,
"Am I destined for greater things?"
Recently I've been angry. Angry at what? I don't even know. I've just been generally unhappy and unsatisfied with almost everything. I wasn't necessarily angry at God or angry at anyone in particular...I've just been angry. And it's been a vicious cycle. Since I don't know what I've been angry about, it makes me angrier because I feel helpless to rectify the issue. It's been a cycle that has seemed to capitalize today. I came back from my 8:00 class extremely frustrated because my professor who NEVER assigns us homework (besides the papers...one due last week and one due next week) gave us homework due next week...the same time as the paper. I was especially annoyed because I had planned out my entire week of work based on the fact that my girlfriend who's been in Australia for the past 4 months is coming back on Saturday, so I needed to have all of my homework done before the weekend when I go up to visit her. So I came back to the room about ready to break the world in half, and I went to my next class figuring that with my luck, I'd get more homework. But this was the class where Professor Nejmeh told us about the World Vision project and when this quote popped into my head.
Like I said, you learn the most about yourself when you hit rock bottom. Here, I felt myself about ready to hit that rock. In the midst of it all, I could feel my selfishness and my self-pity exuding from me, as if it was saying "Woe is me, things didn't go my way and now I have to re-plan some things. And, God forbid, I might actually have to do a little WORK." That was about the time that I felt God saying, "Alright, shut up. It's my turn to speak." You don't think He's that harsh? Remember when Peter denied Jesus three times when the rooster crowed? Then Peter looked at the bloodied face of Jesus, still with enough power to shoot a disappointed look towards Peter. Call it tough love. Peter learned his lesson. What I need many times is tough love. When it comes from God, I definitely listen.
I'm a fairly average student. I have a scholarship where I need to keep a 3.0 total GPA for the year. Right now I have a 2.8, which is fine if I get a 3.2 in the spring. But my classes are relatively easy this semester, and they're going to get much harder next semester. But this question keeps popping into my head and it's stirring a stronger will in me...the will to achieve. I mentioned my roommate Phil and how he had a hand in the World Vision project. He's been a great mentor to me whether he realizes it or not. He just seems to have it all together, even though I'm sure he'd be the first to admit that he doesn't. But he works hard and it's encouraging, even more so because it's in the field that I want to be in when I graduate from college. It's been a real blessing to live with him this year, because his work has shown me that all it takes is a little self-application. Because "This is how you change the world".
So what does God have destined for me? Am I going to grow up and be a super-programmer for a prestigious company? Maybe. Will I grow older and be a bum on the street, begging for a few pennies and huddled in a box waiting until the day I die? Also maybe. But I know what God has gifted me with. He has gifted me with an inquisitive mind that can figure things out. He's gifted me with the ability to work with computers and understand what makes them work. He's gifted me with the ability to communicate with others and be an encouragement. He's gifted me with blessings that I take for granted every day. Who am I to complain about an unwanted assignment when others aren't even complaining about the food that they might NOT receive the next day? God has blessed me with the opportunity to go to Messiah College, where I will receive a great education, and where I may have even met the girl with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. And yet I go from class to class, grumbling that I may actually have to apply myself to what God wants me to learn. No...no more. No more of this mindless complaining. No more of the selfishness. No more of the "Woe is me". So my girlfriend is in Australia...she's only there for 4 more days! Some men are sent off to war with the premonition that they won't even see their girlfriend again! WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN?!?!? Not anymore. God didn't create me to tell Him that He messed up with me. He didn't create me to have me tell Him how my life should roll. He created me to worship Him alone, that He might be pleased with the way I live my life.
So, "am I destined for greater things?" The answer is yes. I can't let myself fall into my old mindset anymore. I've been blessed beyond belief, and it's evident all around me. Now I have to use what I've been blessed for God and for others. I want to change the world too.
It's strange how you learn the most about yourself when you've hit rock bottom. That's how I felt today. As I sat in my Database Concepts class, this thought popped into my head about destiny. We had Professor Nejmeh come into class to tell us about the next class after this one, Database Applications (which I'll be taking in the spring). He told us about the World Vision project that occurred last year and just what a great experience it was, and how it truly helped those in need. It seems that in the spring, we'll be undertaking another great project similar to the one that occurred last year. He mentioned my roommate Phil various times, and the simple quote that appears as Phil's Skype status, "This is how you change the world." I never knew what Phil meant by that and I had never bothered to ask, but it's incredibly cool knowing that through this project in Africa, they really DID change the world. Then a very simple but profound quote popped into my head, which was very appropriate for the way I've been acting the past few weeks. It was simply,
"Am I destined for greater things?"
Recently I've been angry. Angry at what? I don't even know. I've just been generally unhappy and unsatisfied with almost everything. I wasn't necessarily angry at God or angry at anyone in particular...I've just been angry. And it's been a vicious cycle. Since I don't know what I've been angry about, it makes me angrier because I feel helpless to rectify the issue. It's been a cycle that has seemed to capitalize today. I came back from my 8:00 class extremely frustrated because my professor who NEVER assigns us homework (besides the papers...one due last week and one due next week) gave us homework due next week...the same time as the paper. I was especially annoyed because I had planned out my entire week of work based on the fact that my girlfriend who's been in Australia for the past 4 months is coming back on Saturday, so I needed to have all of my homework done before the weekend when I go up to visit her. So I came back to the room about ready to break the world in half, and I went to my next class figuring that with my luck, I'd get more homework. But this was the class where Professor Nejmeh told us about the World Vision project and when this quote popped into my head.
Like I said, you learn the most about yourself when you hit rock bottom. Here, I felt myself about ready to hit that rock. In the midst of it all, I could feel my selfishness and my self-pity exuding from me, as if it was saying "Woe is me, things didn't go my way and now I have to re-plan some things. And, God forbid, I might actually have to do a little WORK." That was about the time that I felt God saying, "Alright, shut up. It's my turn to speak." You don't think He's that harsh? Remember when Peter denied Jesus three times when the rooster crowed? Then Peter looked at the bloodied face of Jesus, still with enough power to shoot a disappointed look towards Peter. Call it tough love. Peter learned his lesson. What I need many times is tough love. When it comes from God, I definitely listen.
I'm a fairly average student. I have a scholarship where I need to keep a 3.0 total GPA for the year. Right now I have a 2.8, which is fine if I get a 3.2 in the spring. But my classes are relatively easy this semester, and they're going to get much harder next semester. But this question keeps popping into my head and it's stirring a stronger will in me...the will to achieve. I mentioned my roommate Phil and how he had a hand in the World Vision project. He's been a great mentor to me whether he realizes it or not. He just seems to have it all together, even though I'm sure he'd be the first to admit that he doesn't. But he works hard and it's encouraging, even more so because it's in the field that I want to be in when I graduate from college. It's been a real blessing to live with him this year, because his work has shown me that all it takes is a little self-application. Because "This is how you change the world".
So what does God have destined for me? Am I going to grow up and be a super-programmer for a prestigious company? Maybe. Will I grow older and be a bum on the street, begging for a few pennies and huddled in a box waiting until the day I die? Also maybe. But I know what God has gifted me with. He has gifted me with an inquisitive mind that can figure things out. He's gifted me with the ability to work with computers and understand what makes them work. He's gifted me with the ability to communicate with others and be an encouragement. He's gifted me with blessings that I take for granted every day. Who am I to complain about an unwanted assignment when others aren't even complaining about the food that they might NOT receive the next day? God has blessed me with the opportunity to go to Messiah College, where I will receive a great education, and where I may have even met the girl with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. And yet I go from class to class, grumbling that I may actually have to apply myself to what God wants me to learn. No...no more. No more of this mindless complaining. No more of the selfishness. No more of the "Woe is me". So my girlfriend is in Australia...she's only there for 4 more days! Some men are sent off to war with the premonition that they won't even see their girlfriend again! WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN?!?!? Not anymore. God didn't create me to tell Him that He messed up with me. He didn't create me to have me tell Him how my life should roll. He created me to worship Him alone, that He might be pleased with the way I live my life.
So, "am I destined for greater things?" The answer is yes. I can't let myself fall into my old mindset anymore. I've been blessed beyond belief, and it's evident all around me. Now I have to use what I've been blessed for God and for others. I want to change the world too.
Monday, January 26, 2009
World or Soul? You choose.
Well, so much for going to bed at a decent time. I'm just starting this one at 2:12 a.m., and i'm waking up in 6 hours. Oh well, I want this to be written down because I feel like it's almost haunting me.
It's weird how these thoughts come to me when I have a paper to do. Simple 3-pager, but this thought in my mind is just overwhelming right now that I need to get out. It's based off of a verse that is still going up on my "favorite verses" list: Matthew 16:26 "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" It's so weird how this verse came to me through what was arguably the silliest skit that my missions team did in Peru for the past 3 summers, but it's affected me greatly and has caused deep troubling inside of me.
Well, the thought hit me again after the church service today when the guest speaker was preaching on the first 10-12 verses of Matthew 5, a.k.a. the Beatitudes. The speaker clearly outlined how there is a flow to the blessings that Jesus issued to the crowd...I found it rather intriguing. It shows the step-by-step process of what we must do to live like Jesus and to wholeheartedly follow him. First, we must come to the realization that none of our worldly possessions matter...it all belongs to God. The speaker even went as far as to say that our relationships don't even matter for us since everything is God's (which, sitting next to my girlfriend, I felt a little uncomfortable hearing...haha). But upon this realization, we mourn. And Jesus then promises us that those who mourn will be comforted. Not necessarily by what's around us, but the promise of God is there to comfort us. Next comes meekness, which the speaker described not as powerlessness, but as a surrender of power. This involves such incredible humility, which I continue to struggle with every day, and probably will my whole life. Anyway, the passage goes on and climaxes at "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." We need to humble ourselves greatly, so far that we give freely of ourselves to go out and create peace and social order in circles that we establish ourselves in.
Ok, well I guess that was a little message inside of another. It's hard not to go into tangents at these hours. But after the service, I got into thinking about following Jesus and what it takes. I know it takes a heck of a lot more than what I've been putting in. I think my attitude recently has been self-seeking and somewhat distant from God. I find that strange, especially because of the high spirits I've been in for the past month. 12/28/08, that's when Mindi and I started dating...she's absolutely wonderful. I told her before that I want to be a better person because of her...I want to give her the very best I can because I feel she deserves it. And she does deserve it. And I thought I've been doing a pretty good job of it too, but I'm still haunted. I'm also reminded of something that Dan told me to be cautious of, and I know I haven't been guarding well against, and that's where my focus is at. Who do I ultimately what to be a better person for? It SHOULD be God...it hasn't been. That's where this whole self-seeking attitude has come from. It's come from misdirection in my life.
I've recently been asking myself what's wrong with me. I've questioned myself as a man, and I wonder where my fire went. Well, my Sunday climaxed with my paper that still needed to be done, and I turned on some music. First just some instrumental stuff, then I let my mind wander and decided to turn on music with words to it. I started to play my favorite TobyMac song, Lose My Soul. The entire song is the same message that Jesus preached in Matthew 16:26, just put in Laymen's terms for the common mind to comprehend. The simple chorus is "I don't wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul." I hear it all the time and I go into thought every time I hear it, but something different happened this time. When I heard the chorus, I felt completely empty inside. I sat back in my chair and just...felt it. It didn't feel good. Pieces of the puzzle came together in Toby's song and I began thinking....again.
What do I deserve? Do I deserve mercy? Do I deserve grace? A savior? A second chance? I deserve none of them. But I received all of them. Why? Because God loves me that much to do it. And what do I decide to do with it all? I decide to toss it into the hellfire and live as if nothing changed. How can I possibly crawl back, kissing God's feet saying "oh crap, sorry God, I screwed up again...forgive me?" But he still says yes! YES I'll forgive you! Now LIVE for me! Act like you actually want to be a better man! Act like the son of God that I want you to be! And I ask myself....why do I always make it so difficult? Heh....I just don't know. I see the blessings all around me, and the blessings that I can't see are eternal. But I still know they're there. I've been living my life in order so that I can gain the world. I've been too busy trying to impress people, show off, and physically accomplish as much as possible without being a peacemaker and aiming for the kingdom of Heaven.
And this is what happens to all of us. Yeah we see the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and we see the evil prosper while the righteous get knocked down. Isn't that the promise though? "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Our reward's not here. It comes later. The evil reap their rewards now while they still can. They won't get to take anything with them except for the long list of all the people they stepped on so they could be at the top. And they get to present that to God at the Judgment. These are the people we need to reach out to. And this is also what we need to guard ourselves against, ESPECIALLY in this prosperous country of America. Reach out to those who are begging for their real purpose in life, even if they don't know it.
As for me, I need to do the same. I still need to find where my real focus goes. I know exactly where it's supposed to be, it's just not there right now. I need to re-ignite my disciplined life that I once lived to be the true man that God wants me to be. I need to be deserving of a girl like Mindi. I don't deserve her, but I sure consider myself lucky to have her. She's more of a blessing to me than she might know. And I want to be the best I can be for her...but it starts vertically. Pray for me in this quest of mine to find my discipline and be back on the same page with God.
"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
I now know, because of when I actually made the exchange. I'm not doing it again.
It's weird how these thoughts come to me when I have a paper to do. Simple 3-pager, but this thought in my mind is just overwhelming right now that I need to get out. It's based off of a verse that is still going up on my "favorite verses" list: Matthew 16:26 "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" It's so weird how this verse came to me through what was arguably the silliest skit that my missions team did in Peru for the past 3 summers, but it's affected me greatly and has caused deep troubling inside of me.
Well, the thought hit me again after the church service today when the guest speaker was preaching on the first 10-12 verses of Matthew 5, a.k.a. the Beatitudes. The speaker clearly outlined how there is a flow to the blessings that Jesus issued to the crowd...I found it rather intriguing. It shows the step-by-step process of what we must do to live like Jesus and to wholeheartedly follow him. First, we must come to the realization that none of our worldly possessions matter...it all belongs to God. The speaker even went as far as to say that our relationships don't even matter for us since everything is God's (which, sitting next to my girlfriend, I felt a little uncomfortable hearing...haha). But upon this realization, we mourn. And Jesus then promises us that those who mourn will be comforted. Not necessarily by what's around us, but the promise of God is there to comfort us. Next comes meekness, which the speaker described not as powerlessness, but as a surrender of power. This involves such incredible humility, which I continue to struggle with every day, and probably will my whole life. Anyway, the passage goes on and climaxes at "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." We need to humble ourselves greatly, so far that we give freely of ourselves to go out and create peace and social order in circles that we establish ourselves in.
Ok, well I guess that was a little message inside of another. It's hard not to go into tangents at these hours. But after the service, I got into thinking about following Jesus and what it takes. I know it takes a heck of a lot more than what I've been putting in. I think my attitude recently has been self-seeking and somewhat distant from God. I find that strange, especially because of the high spirits I've been in for the past month. 12/28/08, that's when Mindi and I started dating...she's absolutely wonderful. I told her before that I want to be a better person because of her...I want to give her the very best I can because I feel she deserves it. And she does deserve it. And I thought I've been doing a pretty good job of it too, but I'm still haunted. I'm also reminded of something that Dan told me to be cautious of, and I know I haven't been guarding well against, and that's where my focus is at. Who do I ultimately what to be a better person for? It SHOULD be God...it hasn't been. That's where this whole self-seeking attitude has come from. It's come from misdirection in my life.
I've recently been asking myself what's wrong with me. I've questioned myself as a man, and I wonder where my fire went. Well, my Sunday climaxed with my paper that still needed to be done, and I turned on some music. First just some instrumental stuff, then I let my mind wander and decided to turn on music with words to it. I started to play my favorite TobyMac song, Lose My Soul. The entire song is the same message that Jesus preached in Matthew 16:26, just put in Laymen's terms for the common mind to comprehend. The simple chorus is "I don't wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul." I hear it all the time and I go into thought every time I hear it, but something different happened this time. When I heard the chorus, I felt completely empty inside. I sat back in my chair and just...felt it. It didn't feel good. Pieces of the puzzle came together in Toby's song and I began thinking....again.
What do I deserve? Do I deserve mercy? Do I deserve grace? A savior? A second chance? I deserve none of them. But I received all of them. Why? Because God loves me that much to do it. And what do I decide to do with it all? I decide to toss it into the hellfire and live as if nothing changed. How can I possibly crawl back, kissing God's feet saying "oh crap, sorry God, I screwed up again...forgive me?" But he still says yes! YES I'll forgive you! Now LIVE for me! Act like you actually want to be a better man! Act like the son of God that I want you to be! And I ask myself....why do I always make it so difficult? Heh....I just don't know. I see the blessings all around me, and the blessings that I can't see are eternal. But I still know they're there. I've been living my life in order so that I can gain the world. I've been too busy trying to impress people, show off, and physically accomplish as much as possible without being a peacemaker and aiming for the kingdom of Heaven.
And this is what happens to all of us. Yeah we see the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and we see the evil prosper while the righteous get knocked down. Isn't that the promise though? "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Our reward's not here. It comes later. The evil reap their rewards now while they still can. They won't get to take anything with them except for the long list of all the people they stepped on so they could be at the top. And they get to present that to God at the Judgment. These are the people we need to reach out to. And this is also what we need to guard ourselves against, ESPECIALLY in this prosperous country of America. Reach out to those who are begging for their real purpose in life, even if they don't know it.
As for me, I need to do the same. I still need to find where my real focus goes. I know exactly where it's supposed to be, it's just not there right now. I need to re-ignite my disciplined life that I once lived to be the true man that God wants me to be. I need to be deserving of a girl like Mindi. I don't deserve her, but I sure consider myself lucky to have her. She's more of a blessing to me than she might know. And I want to be the best I can be for her...but it starts vertically. Pray for me in this quest of mine to find my discipline and be back on the same page with God.
"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
I now know, because of when I actually made the exchange. I'm not doing it again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)