Passion

Seriously God...can't You give me these thoughts a little earlier in the day? It's 2:45 AM and I'm just now beginning this. Haha...oh well, here goes.

Passion. This is all I can really think of when I start listening to my favorite band, Pillar. Their songs are filled with such Godly passion, it's hard to resist their message...not that one would really want to. Many of their songs also seem to speak to Satan, as if they're trying to challenge him. Questionable, yes. But I love it...aren't we called to defeat the enemy with God at our side? Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about:

Reckless Youth:
We are the fearless ones / We are the loaded guns / With nothing left to lose / We are the reckless youth

Frontline:
Everybody with your fists raised high / Let me hear your battle cry tonight / Stand beside or step aside / We're on the front line

Throwdown:
I will settle for no less / Than the best I've got to give / Only the strong survive / When they try to take you down /
Toe to toe, pound for pound / It's time to step up, it's time to throw down

You Are Not The End:
You can try to break me down and then / Like a phoenix I will rise again / I always do / I ALWAYS DO! /
I won't let you win / You are not the end of me (You are not the end!) / I won't let you win / I won't let you bring me to my knees

Seriously...this stuff gives me chills. These guys are passionate about the war that's still going on between Heaven and Hell, and is occurring here on earth. Go ahead and disagree with me if you'd like, but this war is very real. If you don't believe me or are tempted to undermine this, remember it was James that said, "You believe there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder." And I don't think Jesus just handed out mental pills to all the "demon-possessed" people he encountered...no, Jesus screamed at demons to leave a person's body. Demons are very real...the Bible says so. The minute we undermine this fact is the minute we lose this war.

My day today was odd, to say the least. It all started at home when our power went out due to a big storm. Not a big deal...I was leaving shortly anyway. My health insurance is expiring in a few days and I have to renew it. After calling Highmark a few times I got no answer, so I went to Highmark to talk to them directly. The shop was closed and won't reopen until tomorrow. Fail. From there I went to a job fair and stayed there for a grand total of 45 seconds after I found out I had to go through an hour and a half long process just to talk to the hiring manager. Again, fail. Later in the evening, I was planning to stay the night in Maryland with Zac, but he got rather ill and we had to postpone our plans. Wow. I just kept taking hit after hit and it seemed like NOTHING was going right! On paper, it really looks like I had a crappy day. But honestly, it was far from it. In fact, I just kept laughing about how my day went.

Well ok...so passion. Crappy day. Spiritual war. How does this all tie together? See, I'm sure that I could have easily been torn down today had I given in to Satan's will. News flash...Satan hates God. The whole reason we have crappy days is because Satan wants to see us fall away from God. Well then, you ask, since God's so all-powerful and loving, why doesn't He just defeat Satan once and for all so Satan won't pull us away? Think about the scenario if God did that...would we honestly be in full return and service to God? Exodus 34:14, "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." Yeah, God's loving. But He's jealous too. He loves us so much that He wants our full attention, not just a simple "hey thanks for beating Satan. Cya next time." I think that God allows crappy days to happen so that we're faced with a choice, where we either give in to it or we submit our full passion and attention to God out of our own free will. I'm thankful that in this case, I kept my eyes on God the entire time and it turned out to somehow be a pretty good day.

On the way home from Messiah tonight I turned on these Pillar songs to keep me awake, but the words spoke to me and my passion. For a long time, I've struggled with the concept of passion and actually considered it a vice of mine. I tended to get passionate over something, but then wouldn't be willing to put work into it to make it come to fruition, and the passion would fizzle. So for awhile I tried to drop my passion. But one of my awesome brothers in Christ wrote a note to me, which I'll always save. One of the lines reads, "I remember in study once you told me that your passions have a tendency to burn out leaving you stuck. But I have seen your passion for the Lord drive you to great things." I was honored and flattered for that, and of course it got me thinking. This war that's going on...the Christian life, Heaven and Hell, God and Satan...we're soldiers in this thing. We as Christians made a declaration that we're going to live our lives for God, but that involves actually beating Satan in our lives. And that's not easy to do...certainly not with a mediocre ho-hum attitude. God created us to love Him and glorify Him, and that's not done nonchalantly. This is a passionate battle we're in. We're called to worship passionately and fight passionately.

I feel as though a big problem is that we think too much. Seriously. We base a lot of our lives on logic and knowledge, in order that we can maintain a stable life for ourselves. I don't really see anything wrong with that. In fact, I've always argued that God is a logical God...heck, He created logic. But I think about it more now, and I thank my brother Bill for this...but when in the Bible does God really use logic? Consider Gideon's army of 300 in Judges 7. I'm sure most of us already know, but they won that battle. Remember how many people they beat? Judges 8:10, "Now Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor with a force of about fifteen thousand men, all that were left of the armies of the eastern peoples; a hundred and twenty thousand swordsmen had fallen." 120,000. Not exactly logical, but Gideon was passionate and trusted God through it all. Midian fell to an army that was 0.24% of their size. Also, consider Jesus asking Peter to walk out on the water in Matthew 14. All of a sudden we see Jesus just chillin out, walking on water. Yeah, no big deal (lol). And of course Peter, the crazy passion-driven disciple says "hey I wanna come too!!!!!" So Jesus just says to do it. Peter's passion drove him to do something possible only through God. Then his logic kicked in. Matthew 14:30, "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”" Basically Peter just said "this doesn't make sense..." and just like that, he sank.

Passion is like this. It's often not logical. What sounds more logical, earning a stable income for a family of 4 and settling down in the suburbs somewhere, or giving up everything to go serve orphans in Africa? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying doing something like that is for everyone. But where are we going to find God and see Him more effectively? When we're stable, we have no reason for passion. Everything is "as it should be". In a sense, we don't need God. What's the alternative to God? I talked about mediocrity in a past note of mine, and I described it as "fully embracing Satan's will for your life." That means that every second that we're not pursuing God with our full passion and reckless abandon, we're not fulling our mission. We're not fighting the good fight of faith. Quite an arduous task...scary, even. And this is why I was scared of my own passion for so long...I was tired of failing. I was tired of not fulfilling my mission and screwing up so often. But God knows we're not perfect...he doesn't expect us to win this battle all by ourselves. So what happens when we fall? WE GET BACK UP. We fight again. The best soldiers always get knocked down...the truly heroic get up and continue to fight. And this is what I want to be. I want to pursue God with a fiery passion that won't ever be put out. Satan knocked me back a little bit today. The only thing that happened was that I got up stronger. I got up and I'm ready to keep fighting. And let me tell you...it feels awesome. I certainly hope there are others with me on this. The pursuit of God isn't a logical thing...it's strictly passionate. As scary as it might be, embrace passion and see what it can do. Don't be afraid of God's holy fire; He's right there to make us strong and He's promised us a crown when we're all done. Join me brothers and sisters...let's show the world what true passion for God is all about :)

It's so ridiculous to think you all just hearin' us
If you believe it let it known y'all be feelin' us
Not just the sound but the Trinity in whom we trust
It's already known who in the end will be victorious
And like KJ it's a 12-round knockout
I'll fight to the end and yo I'll be the one to walk out
Step out holdin' up the crown like a title belt
It's one bout the devil wish he never dealt!!!!!!!!

Just To Get By - Pillar

A collection of muddled thoughts

It's funny how most of my meditations that end up as Facebook notes occur at a time when I SHOULD be sound asleep. But again, God's laid something on my heart that I need to get on here...mostly for my own sake.

Wow. So many thoughts are buzzing around my head that I barely even remember what I wanted to write about. I was hanging out at Messiah tonight watching football, and when I left I was in an extremely good mood. So on the ride home, I put in my Lecrae CD and was about to party the whole way home...but the radio came on when I turned the car on. The song that was playing was "Give me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath...a song that's never really spoken to me before like it did tonight. I was no longer in the mood to party.

This first sparked my 45-minute time of meditation (time from Messiah to my house). I started thinking about the life I had been leading, "problems" that I've been having, and how the song relates to it. The song is about seeing everyone around us and responding to them with God's love. "Give me Your eyes for just one second / Give me Your eyes so I can see / everything that I keep missing / Give me Your love for humanity / Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted / the ones that are far beyond my reach / Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten / Give me Your eyes so I can see." My favorite line in that chorus is "give me Your arms for the broken-hearted" for multiple reasons. But the main reason is that it shows action...it shows a person that's DOING something about all of the brokenness around us. It's easy to ask God for love. It's easy to ask God to give us wisdom in dealing with situations. How much harder is it to actually carry out our part?

I put in a different CD. The first song was "Open the Eyes of my Heart". I got goosebumps. I saw just how much I'd forgotten about God and how much He deserves from me. He deserves my worship...all the time and in everything I do. Lately, I've been selfish. I've been lazy. Ever since the flood trapped me in from going anywhere, I just sat around and played video games for hours on end. I didn't worship God. I didn't reach out to those who may have needed me. But here, I worshiped. I worshiped because I realized the sin I was in...I was being selfish with my life.

Next song..."Jesus, Lover of my Soul". The first words of the song blew me away, and I feel like so many people I encounter need to hear this: "It's all about You, Jesus / and all this is for You / for Your glory and your fame / It's not about me / as if You should do things my way / You alone are God / and I surrender to Your ways." Wow. As if You should do things my way. What a lyric that is.

These songs really hit home tonight in a big way. There have been multiple things on my mind lately that have really kept me from living a more fulfilled life in Christ. The biggest one, "man, I wish I had a girlfriend." But I know God isn't ready for me to have that yet. Why do I know that? Because of the life that I've been living recently, and because of what these songs have shown me tonight. I haven't had the arms for the broken-hearted. I've wanted God to do things my way instead of vice-versa, the way it should be.

I meditated for awhile on the Ten Commandments. And you know something? Love your spouse ISN'T one of them. I considered the greatest Commandments as Jesus said them (love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself). Love your spouse is technically included in the second part, but it's not expressly stated. So where am I going with this? I go back to the biggest complaint that I had. See, I enjoy being in a relationship. I'm a high-energy guy, and I enjoy showing love toward a significant other. But with my past relationships I never put God first, even though I may have thought I did at the time. And I know that I have to run to God first and allow someone to come by my side as an extension of my worship to God. I recently fell under the temptation that if I grow close to God, then I'll be ready for a girlfriend. This is the wrong mindset because a girlfriend is my end goal, not God.

Y'know, I look back at what I wrote already and I think "I wish this was a little deeper...I just feel like I'm rambling about nothing at this point." Maybe that's true, maybe not. But before I started writing, I specifically prayed that what I wrote could be used to advance God's Kingdom in some way. I don't know how that's going to happen yet, but there's still a lesson that I can personally take out of this. It's weird to think that we forget the first Commandment...I mean, it's #1, right? "Thou shalt have no other gods before me". Pretty clear cut. Here's something to ask myself...would a girlfriend be a god before God to me? Interesting thought...but for anyone reading this, how can you apply that Commandment? The songs I listened to tonight remind me of how majestic God is and how much He deserves FROM us, and not things we deserve to have from Him. Why do we complain so much about what we don't have? Why do we get annoyed at God for things that we consider bad in our lives? We ask God so many questions about our trivial and petty problems, that we forget about the grand mission in front of us...to live fervently for God and to spread His glory through the earth.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Job. Compared to us, Job had every right to complain about everything...he lived a holy life and was blameless before the Lord (Job 1:8). And complain he did, but he never shunned God for any of it. But after all of the chapters of dialogue, God finally speaks directly to Job with words that I would NOT want to hear from God. Job 38:2-3, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me." Whooooaaaaaa. Imagine how little Job felt right there. I'd be terrified...God just sounds pissed off! But you know what? God has every right to be. Job shouldn't be complaining about everything because God is God, and that's that. Ecclesiates 5:2, "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."

How quick we are to complain. How quick I am to whine about my petty problems. But God is in heaven. Ha, we think we suffer with our problems. God loved us so much that He send His perfect Son to die for everything we screwed up with, so that we don't have to ETERNALLY suffer. God loves us, even though at some point it may seem like our lives "suck". We as followers of God have a mission and a duty, and that's to pursue God with our whole heart. What an honor to even be allowed to pursue such a holy being. We can never truly know God to His fullest extent or we'll die (Exodus 33:19-20), but we lean on His promises and the FACT that He loves us and is ready to catch our little issues. But I want to stop complaining about little things and fulfill the mission in front of me. I want to live selflessly. I want to reach out to the broken-hearted and truly love others before myself. I want to pursue God with my full heart and not waver from that. And He'll bless me with a beautiful wife when the time is right (if He so chooses). Until then, and even after I have a wife, God comes first.

By the way, what happened to Job after God questioned him? Read Job 42. Specifically verse 12. Thanks to whoever reads this note...I pray that God is shown through me and what was written here :)