Reflections and challenges on this Eve #2

I wrote a similar post last year, so I decided to hopefully start a tradition of a post every Christmas Eve! It also helps that there's a specific theme I wanted to write about. So welcome back, and thanks to all who read!

I went to my co-worker's church this past Sunday to watch him preach, which was really cool to see him in an environment outside of work. They lit the final advent candle, and he preached on the concept of joy, which is what the last advent candle stands for. He reminded us of that...I know I forget what it stands for year after year haha. Everyone seems to be in the "Christmas spirit" and giving freely and cheerfully, so on the surface it seems like it shouldn't be so hard to be joyful. Or is it?

There was one statement that Adam (my co-worker) made that really stuck out to me during his sermon: "Joy is a decision". I wasn't sure how I felt about that at first. I mean, we have eternal life in Christ, shouldn't that be enough to make us joyful all the time? And more often than not, why doesn't it?

But I thought about this, and I thought of the notoriously short passage of 1 Thessalonians 5:17 - "Rejoice evermore", or for the NIV folks, "Be joyful always." Here, Paul phrases this as a command and a challenge. Rejoice. Be joyful. Not "you're going to be joyful all the time." So joy DOES end up being a decision. Let me tell you a little more about how joy is a decision. Right now it's hard to even concentrate writing this because my upstairs neighbors sound like their dog is about to come through the ceiling, as per usual. Plus, the female neighbor upstairs yells at anything and everything, but mostly her dog and fiancee. So right now my snap reaction isn't to knock on their door and give them a holly-jolly greeting, we'll just say that.

But the bigger thing happened about 2 weeks ago when I lost my wallet. Don't know how or where I lost it, but it still hasn't turned up and probably never will. Not that one time is better than another for losing your wallet, but this was very inopportune. Bills were due, Christmas shopping had to be done, I was almost out of gas, and I was sitting in the parking lot of Karns wanting to buy fruit for the game I was leading at church, which was in 1 1/2 hours at this point. To add to that, I live alone...my wallet is my only means to pay for things. Granted, I had plenty of people willing to help me out, but I was a little flustered. How many of you would've lost your minds at this point? Knowing me and my tendencies, I probably should have. But thank God for bringing me as far as He has, because I stepped back from everything (after operating in frenzy mode for the next hour trying to get the game ready for AWANA), and I had a decision to make. And I made my decision...I was going to be joyful. I knew that God was going to take care of me one way or another. Even if I didn't have friends to offer me money and I somehow died from losing my wallet (I know, drastic), God still would've taken care of me. He would've just brought me to Heaven! Cool, now I NEVER need a wallet!

And this is the joy we all need to have. Not saying I'm a perfect example...far from it. But in this situation I made a decision to be joyful because God has already given me the promise of Heaven. That's all I need, and it's more than enough! "Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory." - 1 Peter 1:8. "And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour" - Luke 1:47. Pick pretty much any of the Psalms...joy is all through them. Even the infamous Psalm 51, all about David's sin with Bathsheba. Yes, he cries out, "For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me" - 51:3. But read on, "Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice" - 51:8. Keep going..."Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." - 51:12. Then he ends with verses 16-19, all of which basically say "God, have your way. Do your will." I can see David already having a sense of joy that while he cries out, he KNOWS God is going to approve of his cry and bless him for it. Listen to what James says...1:2 (emp. added) "My brethren, count it all JOY when ye fall into divers temptations," Why? 1:3 - Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." Patience. The ability to handle more with superior grace and understanding. Like I've been feeling God helping me with. And here's one more little aside, something else that caught my eye. True joy only comes from God. We can't get it ourselves and we can't find it in anything else. Here's what I mean..."Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased." - Psalm 4:7. That's the fancy King James way of saying, alcohol ain't gonna getcha no joy! I know plenty of people who love to get drunk to forget about life's problems. Sure, it may make you happy for a time, if you even remember it. But joy beats happiness every day of the week. You can choose to argue that if you'd like, but taste and see that the Lord is good, then come back and tell me which you prefer.

Well, it's 2 hours before Christmas gets here. I know in my own life, quite a bit has happened that could easily tear down my joy if I let it. Joy IS a decision. Remember Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection. Celebrate the fact that God Incarnate came to earth to save our helpless little sinful souls from a quick journey to Hell. So next time you see your family arguing over the dinner table, next time someone cuts you off driving, next time someone almost nails you with their cart in the grocery store, make a decision. The decision DOES affect you and any involved parties. When December 25th comes, choose joy. When December 26th comes, keep choosing joy. Watch your world and the world around you change slowly but ever so surely. Choose joy from the only place you can: the cross of Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas everyone. Celebrate! OUR LORD IS BORN!!!!!!!

"He gave them over..."

I'm having a great morning so far today. I'm currently in a hotel lobby in South Carolina while my road trip buddy is still asleep in the room. I woke up, had a great (and free) breakfast, read Romans 1, and now grabbed my computer because God gave me this really cool thought...even though I'm only running on 3 1/2 hours of sleep. And it's never a bad time to blog :)

The reason that I'm really excited about this particular post is because it's not really about any events in my own life. I can relate to something, I'm sure. But this post is more about the nature of God, which is what our whole life's story is really about anyway. So as I was going through Romans 1, I came across verse 24, "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another" (emphasis added). It didn't hit me at first, but then I came across verse 28, ""Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done" (emphasis added). Hmmm..."he gave them over". What does that say about God's nature?

We obviously live in a fallen world. Life can treat us badly, and often unfairly (which is kind of false because we don't deserve fairness anyway). But even though we live in this fallen world, we have hope because we know that God is a good God and is a God of love and mercy. But there's the ever-popular quandry...why does God allow suffering in this world? Why does God allow people to go to hell? How can God be a God of love and at the same time be a God of wrath and justice? You see, these verses showed me something about God today.

When I read these verses, I thought a lot about the many unsaved people that I know and encounter. I would venture to say that a lot of people I know believe there's a God, but just never really studied Him or just don't believe He's powerful enough to do all of the things the Bible says He can do. Many of the same people find the Bible errant or contradictory, and would likely present verses like these as arguments. Granted, I'm naturally a skeptic too, and that's why I want to explore this. But I don't see this as a contradiction at all, and here's why. Yes, God is a God of love, peace, wrath, and justice...this is all His nature. We are his loved children (Beloved, now are we the sons of God - 1 John 3:2...among many other verses), we are holy in God's sight (In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight - Colossians 1:22). But that's what we are...we are children, and that will always be our place. We are not the Father. We are not perfect, we are only perfected through the work of Christ (ref. my previous blog post). So that is our place in this whole picture...we are under God fully. He is eternal, we're only here for an extremely short period of time in the realm of eternal.

There are places all over the Bible where God "gave them over", "them" meaning anyone...those that followed him and those that didn't and don't. "But God turned away and gave them over to the worship of the heavenly bodies. This agrees with what is written in the book of the prophets: "'Did you bring me sacrifices and offerings forty years in the desert, O house of Israel?'" - Acts 7:42. "So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices." - Psalm 81:12. Why? Why does a loving God do this? Now think about this...what do you think would happen to us if we abandoned God? That our lives would go WELL? Yeah I don't think so. In most of these instances where God gives people over to evil, they begin to worship false idols. God loves us so much that He gets angry with us when this happens ("For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" - Exodus 34:14). That would be like me calling another married couple "mom and dad" just because I don't want to follow my own parents direction. They love me...I'm their son, and they would be upset if I were to do that. But we do it all the time when we put anything in the place where God should be. So even though God is still a loving God, he disciplines us by "giving us over" to sin.

And many people think this is unfair of God or just wrong of him to do. But is it really? I've said it before, God has made us with a free will, and He wants us to FREELY choose Him, not because He makes us come to Him. God is perfect and unapproachable ("And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live." - Exodus 33:20), but He still loves us so much and He desires us that he presents us the opportunity through Christ to come to Him ("Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16). This is God's love, and it's free. We think God is unfair. Yeah right. Why do we think we deserve something good from God? The only thing we deserve from abandoning an all-perfect and all-loving God is a one-way trip to hell. The reason God gives us over to our sinful desires is to give us an opportunity to come freely to Him. Not because He wants us to suffer, but because He knows who He is, and He knows the joy that only He can provide to us. But we have to seek it, we can't just expect it from God after we abandoned His love. Plain and simple, bad things happen when we don't keep God in our lives.

Sometimes I hear unsaved people jokingly scoff by saying, "Where is your God NOW?" I know where my God is all the time. And everyone would too if they chose to seek rather than scoff. God doesn't punish us unjustly...He gives us over to sinful desires and struggles so that we learn just how desperately we need Him. When we live in a comfortable house and have had most things provided for you (like I've had most of my life), it's easy to think that we're just fine without God. And it may seem like we're doing okay right now. But it's not the case...we desperately need God now, and we DEFINITELY desperately need God later. So when you face struggles and old sins, don't blame. Don't whine. Don't scoff. But seek God...because that's what He wants. How fortunate we are that God brings us down to size so that we can be PERFECT through Him.

Father, sometimes I don't understand your ways. I complain when I go through trials. I wonder why I end up in the same old places I've been before. But your Word is truth, and you've allowed me the ability to read you've said rather than mindlessly having it spoon-fed to me. Through everything endure, in the fight to carry on, help me to stand and face the rain because your Word says it will make me stronger. Thank you for allowing me freely into your presence, even though I don't deserve it. And may these words be yours for your own glory, and may these words reach the hearts of others reading. It's your story Father...not mine. Amen.

Perfection: far and near

Once again, it's been way too long since I blogged. And since I have the next 6 days off of work, what better time than the present! Thank you to all who read...it really means more to me than you'll ever know.

Tonight after volleyball, I stayed much later than I normally do to do something I haven't done in a very long time. Back when I still lived in Halifax, I used to take bike rides to the local elementary school, because it was the only place in that desolate town that I could find a basketball hoop lol. I used to go there, sit on the swing set and pray, and focus my mind by practicing my free throws. It wasn't a true foul shot, since the rim was only about 6 feet tall, but it sufficed. So tonight I took a breather from life. I continued taking shots long after everyone had left, and while I was shooting I got a really awesome parallel from God.

Free throws are an interesting beast in basketball. It's somewhat similar to pitching in baseball, in a way. Pretty much everyone, more or less, knows how to throw a ball. I know with athletic people like myself, we practice throwing to the point where it becomes comfortable and natural to us. Whenever you watch baseball players, their throws are smooth, seamless, and seemingly effortless. But when you watch a pitcher, they don't just throw a ball. Pitchers take some of the craziest motions just to get the ball to the plate, myself included. Same goes with free throws. Again most people, more or less, know how to shoot a basketball. But watch that same player when he/she gets to the free throw line. They may take about 15-20 seconds just to shoot the ball, after a series of spinning the ball off the ground, spinning it in their hand, dribbling very precisely a certain number of times, shooting fast/slow, and so on. They get all the time in the world to focus on their one shot where no one is guarding them. Even though they're shooting a 15-foot shot, it's one of the easiest shots in basketball. Or, logically, one would think.

So since it's so easy to shoot free throws, especially if you've practiced them for a long time and are good at them, it can be understandable to get frustrated after missing one. Everything becomes methodical about the shot. Myself, I have a VERY specific technique shooting free throws. I spin the ball off the ground once, dribble twice, spin the ball in both hands, bend at the knees, then look up at the rim as I'm becoming upright, and take my shot, ending on my tiptoes and taking 1 or 2 steps back, and as all of this is going on I also inhale and exhale 3 times, for no other reason than it's just my comfort area and that's what I do. It's very machine-like, and I don't divert from it. Yet occasionally, I miss the mark. Just a bit to the left, just a bit deep or short, or it just doesn't get that lucky bounce.

Well, tonight something happened. I was shooting while people were still there, and was shooting very well...it seemed like everything was falling. Then took a short break to talk to the last person there before she left, then got back to shooting. But when I got back to shooting, something was off. One miss. Then another. Three in a row. Uh oh. And these weren't "just barely" misses...I was missing pretty badly. It was then I did something I'm not used to. Typically I get frustrated if something goes wrong and I let it get ahold of my better judgment. But this time I took a step back. I breathed deeply. I closed my eyes, prayed, and focused. Next shot, another miss. No, I won't get frustrated...just breathe, focus, clear the mind. Next shot rattled in. Then another. And then another. Shortly I was swishing my shots. Ahh...back to normal.

In the middle of my misses, a verse popped into my head. No idea where it came from, so it must have come from God because it really helped me. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." - Psalm 43:5, NIV. I think I saw this on someone's Facebook status (kudos for posting, whoever you are, it helped me). But since I don't have the full verse memorized, the only part that popped in my head was "Why are you downcast, O my soul?" But what a blessing this was to hear this verse. My soul has been VERY downcast lately. I had the blessing of talking with Bill last night, and shared with him all the things that I've been struggling with. I feel empty, like I haven't been fulfilling God's calling for me and that I've strayed from the righteous path. But I took this verse like the question that it is: why are you downcast, O my soul? Why? Well...I don't know. I don't really have any reason to be. So then the command: Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My shot was veering to the left and right of the hoop, even airballing. I stepped back and prayed and focused, and my shot became true.

And it was right after this that the main thought of this post hit me. Perfection. I'm certainly not perfect, far from it. But the thought that hit me was, "I don't have to be perfect, God is already perfect FOR me!" You see the parallel...no matter if I missed my shot or made it, God is still perfect despite my distance from perfection. Sometimes in life we stray to the left or the right. We know the mark we want to achieve, but something we aren't always the straightest arrow shot from the quiver. We veer, we stray, we fall, we mess up. Doesn't matter...God's still perfect. But you see, there's a tricky verse that Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:48. Uh oh. BE perfect? Well, the standard has been set for us. The context of this verse is the entirety of Matthew 5. Jesus lists all of the commands that we should be following, and doesn't give us an excuse to not follow them. So then following all of these things, this will make us perfect? "But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away" - Isaiah 64:6. Oops, so all of our good deeds are worth nothing then, so how do we become perfect? "The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" - Matthew 25:40.

How do we become perfect? The only way possible is to commune with the only one who IS already perfect, God. I can't tell you the peace I felt tonight when it was just me and God in the gym, practicing my free throws. I was with the Father and He was with me. The only way we stray from the righteous path is simply a lack of communion with God. We define sin as that action which separates us from God. Sinlessness is perfection, therefore the only way to be perfect is to deliberately and desperately commune with Perfection Himself, God. When we are separated from Him, we are in sin. Everyone needs alone time with God...this is why it's so stressed upon and so important, because we're not going to get true communion with God otherwise (dear future me, I'm talking to YOU. Take note.) Why are you downcast, O my soul? I've separated myself from God. I have yet to meet a person that is TRULY happy while staying separate from God. We live in a world full of broken promises and shattered lives. Don't tell me for one second that you're happy without God (now I'm talking to others). Dare to truly analyze your heart, and only then try to tell me that you're happy without God...but I still won't believe it. I'm an absolute disaster area without God in my life. I am so far from perfect, but I am near to the One who IS perfect, which makes me perfect. Complete. Whole. I'm not talking about morals in this thing. I'm talking about being as we once were. God used to walk around in the garden with us! THAT is perfection, being as we were MEANT to be! God creates us sinless, with a free will, in full communion with Him. Then Adam sinned, and now we are force to be separated from Him until we accept Jesus as savior. I know some people don't like the term "saved" because they don't think they need to be rescued. Well fine, then think of it as, God's just that freaking awesome. So don't get "saved", get "God's just that freaking awesome", and you'll come to realize the sin you're in and the perfection and completeness that you can only find in God. God doesn't expect us to not sin, because we're not God. I know I mess up...and every time I do I have to battle back to get on the right path again. But the only way to do that is to surrender my efforts to God and begin to commune with Him. God fills me up every time..."O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." - Psalm 34:8. Don't think for one second that your life is good without God. As the verse says, taste and see just how good God is. He's not just a hard-nosed fun-sucking rule-driver...He's my Father, and your's too. Go to Him...He's waiting with a complete life you've never imagined before.

Tonight my shot became true. At the end of my shooting session, I took a few shots with my eyes closed. Missed the first 2, swished the next 2. Even blind, God still guided my shot. Even blind, God still guides my future. I will most likely stray again, but God is always waiting with open arms to complete me. What a great God we have.

"While I live will I praise the LORD: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being." - Psalm 146:2

The Importance of Love

Isn't it funny (and awesome) when prayer is answered almost immediately? That happened to me today. Thank you brother Bill :)

Tonight I thought about having the right perspective about things, and finding out what's important in life and WHY it's important. Some background first...I've been in a little rut lately. Only halfheartedly seeking God, halfheartedly reading the Bible and praying, and still somehow expected that God would fill me up the rest of the way. That's not how it works, at least that's not what I've found. So I talked with my best friend Bill today and we both prayed over this, among other things. And after we hung up I felt a little better, but still wasn't really hopeful or feeling like things were different. So I went back home to Halifax to visit my parents and aunt, and I found the refresher I needed.

The drive to Halifax is always beautiful. It's just a totally different atmosphere...even from other countryside environments, it still feels different. The locals call it God's Country, for very good reason...it just seems that God's peace is all around. And every time I cross that beautiful mountain, 88.5 is immediately tuned on my radio, and K-LOVE is blaring its God-music through my car. So I finally got home, and it's somewhat chaotic. My aunt had her tonsils removed and is staying with my parents until she heals up, and her 2 dachshunds are staying there as well, so they have to keep Diesel separate from them. So while she rests upstairs, I got to lift downstairs while my parents were cleaning up the storage room. Yeah I know, not extremely chaotic...but it was just a little different, it seemed like everyone was moving around and being busy.

Well, just before I left we started looking through old pictures from when times were simpler, at least in my own little world. Past Christmas times, birthdays, family vacations with my cousins, oh what great times that seem to be left in repressed memories. Well, it got me thinking. At the time, these were pretty much the only people I knew, and I had fun with them. Even though my cousins were all girls and always wanted me to be the dad when they played house (and even though I always ran to my treehouse when they did, haha), I still had fun with them and I miss those times. Now the youngest of my cousins is in college, and my younger cousin and older cousin are both mothers of 2 and 3 kids respectively. Man, how things change! But these relationships are, still, very important to me.

In the past few years, as we all get older and attitudes change, perspectives change as well. I didn't really know how to deal with the change, so I kept trying to live in older times while everyone continued to grow up around me and I became slightly bitter toward my families. Holidays were more of a burden for me than a joy. But then I looked at these pictures. I remembered how ridiculously blond my hair was, how awesome my cousin Ashley was (and still is), how my cousin Carla was like a sister to me, and how much we laughed when my cousin Emily called my mom "Uncle Deb". :) I started to remember just how much my cousins were there for me and how much I was there for them too. Dare I say...perspective changed? I used to consider family a burden...I don't know how I let that change from being the joy it once was.

So that was a longer background than I anticipated, and I've said in the past that my posts are like mind vomit...I don't really know how it's gonna come out, it just comes out. So if anyone is still reading this far in, seriously, I'm touched! But I want to get more to my point. All of this combined to be the answer of my prayer today, and I got to drive back with a new perspective under the most beautiful nightly cloud cover I've ever seen. The new perspective I got tonight was on the importance of family, but also on the importance of my God. And this made me question what is important to me and how important is it to me. And as I said before, the reason I've been down is because I've only been halfheartedly serving God. I let stuff at work get to me and left a nice little path for Satan to mess with me. Well, all of this stuff combined led me to one conclusion. One word. It's a word that's been tossed around in every contemporary church like tomatoes in a food fight.

Love. Heck, we could all use a bit more love. See, my natural tendency is to see the bad in people before I see the good. And this leads down a road to destruction at breakneck speed. But when we put on glasses of love and care toward each other, we see the world at a different perspective...we begin to see the good in people, and attribute the bad to the influence of Satan. We're not defined by bad things that we do (That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts - Ephesians 4:22), and we're not even defined by good things that we do (But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away - Isaiah 64:6). We're defined as God's prize, His glory (For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them - Ephesians 2:10). And this isn't conditional...we were always this way (Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations - Jeremiah 1:5). EVERYONE is a creation of God's handiwork, and none of us have any right to degrade another. It's true we're all in a spiritual warzone, but a lesson for me is to be careful how to fight it. "I'm in a fight, not physical. I'm in a war, but not of this world." - Counting on God by Phillips, Craig & Dean. Our war is not against our fellow man, but with the evil one (For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. - Ephesians 6:12). And toward our fellow man, we show love.

But love's hard! Heck yes it is...especially when we don't receive it back. I mentioned before of how different the worlds are between Mechanicsburg and Halifax. Living in Mechanicsburg, I became a little more hard-hearted, to my regret. As I was driving in Halifax tonight, a car driving in the other lane kept flashing their high beams at me. I don't typically get road rage, but I was a little annoyed. Then a second person in a row did it, and I got stupidly defensive. "Seriously?! What the heck! Am I doing something wrong???" Then the realization came upon me, and sure enough, there was a deer standing alongside of the road ready to run out in front of somebody. Those people weren't upset at me, they were just lovingly trying to warn me of some danger (sounds like a gospel message, no? I'll save that for another post :) ). I can't say for sure if Mechanicsburg people would be so kind. But that's the beauty of it, and that's why I'm placed where I'm at right now. I'm God's man for the job! "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16. Yeah it's harder to love people over here than it is in Halifax, but that's why I'm here. There's plenty more people here that need God's love, and I still need it just as much as everyone else. I can't claim that it's important to me and then not live it. So let me pose that same question. How important is love to you? How important is God to you? How important are people to you? Hopefully you can answer "very" to all of those questions. Life's too short to hate. Just love. It hurts, but it's worth it. One man about 2000 years ago took three nails and about 40 lashes because of love. It hurt, but he said we were worth it. And I believe him.

Armor Up

Alright...this is going to need a decent amount of preface. I'm not writing this to blast anyone or throw anyone under the bus. I'm not writing this to embarrass or humiliate. And I feel comfortable writing this because it's all over the news in my area and on public domain, just like my blog, so I won't mention names or anything...if you really care, look it up yourselves. But I'm writing this because something is seriously wrong. I'm writing this because livid is an understatement to describe my attitude right now, and not directed toward anyone in particular, but I'm enraged at the devil. And I've prayed long and hard before this. I don't want these words to offend, and I don't want them to simply be an emotional outburst. I want these words to be those which God gives to me, and I feel He would want me to put in here. I want these words to be hope, encouragement, and a charge to my Christian brothers and sisters. Thank you for understanding all of this before I dive in...

So, enough suspense. Today I found out that a teacher at my high school has been fired due to allegations that he's been involved in a sexual abuse scandal with a student. Again, if you want names then do your own research, I'm not here to humiliate. This is a tragic blow to many people in my community, and deeply affects many of my friends. There's no cushion for the blow, no sugar to make it any sweeter. Allegations that a male teacher messed around with a male student, consensual or not, who really cares. It's easy to say "die, pervert!" when it's someone you don't know. I know this man. Big family, all went and were involved in my high school. This shouldn't happen to a man in this situation...something is WRONG here.

Well, I'm only going to get sleep tonight by the Lord's grace, because this enrages me. And strangely, I'm not angry at the teacher. I'm not angry at the student. I'm not even angry about the act itself. There is one person that's behind all of this. We know him as Lucifer. Satan. The devil. And I'm absolutely furious at him, as we all should be. I know a lot of us are looking for answers in this, and frankly I'm surprised that I'm not being led to angrily seek answers to all of this. We can be angry with God, wondering why did this happen...why him...why this school...why??? Folks, God is not responsible for choices that we make. I believe that while God is the divine orchestrator, we are given free will to make choices, because I believe that God is pleased more when we freely choose to worship Him. We always throw "God's Will" around like a ragdoll so much that it's barely defined anymore. We can say that a person is "in God's Will" or "outside of God's Will"...this implies choice, does it not? Unless God deliberately creates a being to be outside of His Will, which isn't compatible with his omnibenevolent nature. We're big boys and girls, and we make decisions that either bring glory to God, or don't bring Him glory. This incident is just another such decision.

James 2:10 - "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." A little boy at AWANA read me this verse tonight as he was reciting his Scripture memorization. This verse caught my attention in the context of this situation, and it's perhaps the reason that "the act" itself doesn't enrage me like it used to. See, I used to be quite the homophobe. Homosexuality still disgusts me, but that's my deal. And don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not FOR the act that went on, God forbid! But listen to my point...we've all heard the term "hate the sin, love the sinner". This is essential right now. To my high school friends and faculty that may be reading, has your perception of this man changed now that this is out in the light? DON'T LET IT!!!!! The school made the right move by firing him from his position, but the school and church cannot turn their backs to him. Go back to my "about me" page, and read about how pornography had me trapped for 7 years...that's almost longer than I can even remember. We are not DEFINED by actions we take, we are defined by how God SAYS we're defined. I'm not defined by 1/3 of my life wasted to that demon, nor is a man defined by sexual actions taken improperly. Again, it's easier to cry "PERVERT!" when it's not someone you know...fact is, everyone has a situation and a story. Who are we to judge? "Yeah, well you don't know he's truly a Christian or not!!" Yeah, I guess I don't, only God knows the heart (The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? - Jeremiah 17:9). I just know what James 2:10 says, and I know how we are all desperately in need to be led daily to the cross, where Jesus poured himself out. Remove the plank in your own eye before trying to help out the speck in the other's eye. To quote Mark Lowry, "How about I hate my sin, you hate your sin, and let's just love each other!"

Well, I said I wasn't looking for answers, but that's only a half-truth. There's only one answer I want...I want to know what's going to be done about this. And I don't mean from a legal standpoint. As I said previously...something is WRONG. Satan has played a mean hand, and has infiltrated my old stomping grounds, which I still consider a home away from home...and I'm straight up pissed off about it. Devastatingly, this isn't the first instance that I've heard about suspicious activity at my school since I graduated. From the outside looking in, it almost seems like my school is falling apart. Enrollment down, probably will decrease further after this, approximately 8 new high school english teachers since when I graduated 6 years ago. WHAT is going on?!?! Is this all just a freak coincidence? We can't take the risk of just letting this blow over again...something must change. Satan played a heavy hand and dealt a big blow to the school. I'm infuriated that he would invade on a godly institution and negatively impact so many lives. Right now, everyone reading this needs to pray. If for no other reason, then because I'm requesting it (Pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. - James 5:16). But more than this, something needs to be done. Still quoting from my favorite book of the Bible: "If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone." - James 2:15-17. What good is prayer if we don't let it affect our hearts? Sometimes action needs to be taken. Perhaps the school needs that. "Now Christopher (full first name, since I'm sure most of my family will read this and speak with a slight scolding tone in their voice), you're being too radical. You need to be careful that you're not taken ill-advised action." And of course, we all should make wise decisions. I think my friend Scott said it well tonight, that we can't wedge ourselves into situations where we don't belong. And that's absolutely right. But AM I being too radical? Perhaps it's time to get a little loud. There is a problem, and we desperately need God to restore us. So maybe my blog can be a platform for encouraging those who ARE in the position to act. Perhaps revival is needed. Only God really knows what is needed, but we need help. The world is watching every move that we make, and shaking their heads at all Christians every time this happens. And I'm not going to sit around and watch as the entire world turns against us. Yes, there will always be those who resist God's glory, but we still owe it to them to bring them before the cross and pray on their behalf. And when the going gets tough, "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." - Isaiah 40:29. Right now, we're pretty faint, confused, frustrated, angry. Christians, ARMOR UP!!!! The war is real, and we're all in it. It IS life or death, and it DOES matter...we need to fight like it. Satan pushed us...I say we push back and refocus on our Christ.

As I said, I prayed long and hard before this note, hoping that it would be an encouragement and a challenge to us all. A lot of this I consider most of this post to be my opinion, and I could very well be wrong with my views. However, don't let that stop you from being convicted on the right path on which we should walk in this situation. God has seen everything that has gone on, and He is standing alongside of us through everything. And for those not tied in with my high school, this is for you too. Take this to mean something for your own life, and be convicted by it. Don't let my opinions influence you...but rather let the Holy Spirit convict you into action.

Psalm 31:7 - I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, Because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul.

Winning life's battles

So here's something that popped into in head tonight: winning. As I've said and as almost everyone knows about me, I'm pretty hyper-competitive, and I like to win. Ok, gross understatement...I despise losing. I'm competitive with pretty much everything I do, whether it's sports or video games or board games. Even air hockey. Seriously, challenge me at air hockey, I DARE you...you'll lose (Nate Nichols, don't say a WORD, haha). But when I think about these, none of it really "matters" if I win or lose. Sure, you can play for a trophy or money, or even just glory. But in a sense, none of this really matters, per se. What are the battles that are actually worth winning? Well...

I'll be honest, I'm never really sure where to start with some of these notes. Most of them are pretty spontaneous, and this one's no different. But, I'll start with an excerpt from our Sunday School lesson today. We've been doing a series on Jesus' parables for the past, like...forever. And today we studied the parable of the lost sheep, found in Luke 15:1-7. The parable is that a shepherd has 100 sheep, and one of them goes astray. The shepherd leaves the 99 to go find the one that went missing. Upon finding it, he rejoices and slings the little guy over his shoulder and brings it back to the rest of the flock. Jesus used this parable in defense of his ministry, when being accused of dining with "undesirable folk" by the religious Pharisees of the day. Jesus responds in verse 7 by saying, "I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance." In other words, God's already happy that there are 99 saved people, but MAN does he rejoice over just ONE new person that comes to know Him!!!

Now this is a battle worth fighting. And everything we do should tie into this in some way. Well, I have another battle to mention, and one that is almost always on the forefront of my mind. And granted, I'm writing this from strictly a male perspective, so ladies bear with me through it. But I'm talking about the battle for a woman's heart. I've never truly experienced it, but it must be the greatest feeling in the world to win that battle. One of my favorite quotes from my favorite book (Wild at Heart) is "Nothing worth having comes without some sort of fight" - Bruce Cockburn. I believe the heart of a woman is a treasure, and should be treated as one would treat the hope diamond, with gentleness and care. And it should be guarded with strength and a sense of security. Think about it...ask a lady what they value in a man or husband. I can pretty much guarantee most women would say that one of their values is safety. When they're with their husband/boyfriend, they feel safe. And I believe that's how it should me. Quoting Demi Moore in A Few Good Men when asked why she respected Marines, "Because they stand on a wall. And they say 'Nothin's gonna hurt you tonight. Not on my watch'". If only this could be the motto of all men...nothing's gonna hurt you tonight, not on my watch.

But what happens when the woman's heart is won? Is that...it? No more battling, no more struggle? Yep, slapped a ring on her finger, things should be easy now...now be a good girl and make me a sammich. Oh, to break the jaw of the man that says that. A woman's heart deserves to be won every day, there's no quitting! I see husbands all the time that just seem so passive and careless in regards to their lady...whatever happened to us? So when the "love" fades, then what? One thing that I really hate is divorce, and I know God hates it more. God hates it because *gasp* He's been through it! Israel is his bride...how many times did Israel leave His care to go worship a piece of wood shaped like a goat? And how many times do WE leave His care to go do the same thing? Oops. But divorce is forbidden. Think about it..."for this reason, a man will leave his mother and father, and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." One flesh. Not literal, obviously, but they are now one unit. It's ridiculous to think that one flesh can become two fleshes again, it just doesn't work. No, if you're married and things are bad, you work at it. Love isn't a feeling, it's a job, and some have it harder than others. But when a relationship is on the rocks, and the husband and wife battle together to work through it, ah what a beautiful sight it is.

And like I said before, I never know where to start with these posts and I never know where they're going to go. So bringing it back, there's the battle of the woman's heart, and the battle of bringing others to Christ...now how do we win? Well, this whole thing all came after I read a quote from Desire by John Eldredge. "The time has come for us to quite playing chess with God over our lives. We cannot win, but we can delay the victory, dragging on the pain of grasping and the poison of possessing. You see, there are two kinds of losses in life. The first is shared by all mankind - the losses that come to us. Call them what you will - accidents, fate, acts of God. The point is that we have no control over them. We do not determine when, where, what, or even how. There is no predictin these losses; they happen to us. We choose only how we respond. The second kind is known only to the pilgrim. The are losses that we choose. A chosen loss if different from repentance, when we give up something that was never ours to have. With a chosen loss, we place on the altar something very dear to us, something innocent, whose only danger is in its goodness, that we might come to love it too much. It is the act of consecration, where little by little or all at once, we give over our lives to the only One who can truly keep them." So wait...losing? Yep, surrender. That's how these battles are won. How are others won to Christ? Well, not in our power. We're not the ones who do the saving, since we need just as much to be saved. The Holy Spirit is the only thing that convicts others to come to God. I have plenty of people I'm thinking of right now that I would love to see in a better place in their lives. The best I can do is tell them what I believe and live a God-honoring life...I can't save them. So to Christians, keep planting seeds, let God do the harvesting.

And the battle for a woman's heart...I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't one I had my eyes on. And I am certainly taking a shot of my own advice through this note. But there's only one way to win a battle like that. Pastor Crews said it best this morning when talking about marriages, that God's blueprint of marriage isn't one party submitting to the other, but when the husband and wife go hand-in-hand together in submission to God. I know God knows the desires of my heart, but there's another encouraging section from Desire: "True surrender is not an easy out, calling it quits early in the game. This kind of surrender comes only after the night of wrestling. It comes only after we open our hearts to care deeply. Then we choose to surrender, or give over, our deepest desires to God. And with them we give over our hearts, our deepest selves. The freedom and beauty and rest that follow are among the greatest of all surprises." Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. - Matthew 11:29.

I didn't want this to turn into a story of my own battle, but this is the main point I'm trying to make. The main battle on my mind is that of the lady's heart, but everyone else has different of life's battles that they're trying to win. Surrendering to God is the only way to win. He's more capable of handling all of our problems. Read through pretty much any of the Psalms, they're chock full of praises of God's love and strength. "But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth." - Psalm 86:15. "For thou art great, and doest wondrous things: thou art God alone." - verse 10 of that same chapter. And I've heard it said that people don't want to pray because they feel some sense of guilt with coming to God with petty problems. Well, in Hebrews 4:15-16, the writer says "For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." God wants us to surrender ALL, because He can handle it and WANTS to handle it! The rest that follows is pretty amazing. Tonight I'll be praying for those in all sorts of battles, as I'll be praying for my own. But we have to take our own action too. Friends, surrender to God. I've done it before, and it hurts. But the things I regret are the things I continue to try to hold on to, rather than surrendering. Pray to God, and from one desperate sinner to another, surrender that which is most valuable to you to God.

Reflections on turning 24

Wow...time is flying way too fast. I mean seriously, just yesterday I was a freshman in college. The day before that I was in high school. Now I'm working full-time, have my own place, and my "youth" has passed me. I'm now 24, and I'm a full-fledged adult. Wow.

I just want to take this time to reflect on the past year(s), and equip myself for the year ahead. At this time last year, I got my first experience of the corporate environment...and I couldn't wait to get out of it. What a horrible experience. But I know God led me there, and then God led me somewhere else. But at this point, I was in major transition. I just graduated from college and was trying to figure out what the heck I wanted to do with my life. I missed my college friends and environment, and I felt alone and trapped living in Halifax, far away from pretty much anything. But, I had the opportunity to read and relax, and was able to find God in cool ways through my bike rides through the countryside. And then in November, I began working for my current job, into which I'm now almost 9 months. Then in March, after much prayer God finally led me to my own place in Mechanicsburg and my new church family just outside my door. God led me here for 4 reasons I found: to learn about myself, develop my relationship with God, realize contentment with singleness, and improve my relationship with my mom. And to some degrees, I've achieved some of these. Distance between my mom and I has allowed us to talk more civilly, and I'm MOSTLY content with singleness but I have those days (tonight being one of them) where loneliness sets in and I just wish I had someone to be with.

So the two other things were to learn about myself and develop my relationship with God. Learn about myself...well, what do I mean by that? I mean, you'd think with me being an only child that I'd know by now, given all the time I spent with myself. But see, through growing up and even in college, I was often defined by my friends. Depending on what group of friends I was around I would act differently, say different things, and stuff like that. Because of this, I always felt kind of unnatural, always wondering who I REALLY am. And my identity was established by God through the calling of the White Knight, but I never had the opportunity to explore this in greater depth. Ever since I moved over here I've been busy with work and other activities that I never took a whole lot of time to myself. And that leads into my relationship with God, which hasn't improved like I envisioned. I still find myself on a lot of highs and lows, which gets frustrating after awhile. My busy schedule has led me to place events and activities with friends above time with God. I've been disobeying the command in Psalm 46, "Be still and know that I am God." And it's not even that I've been wasting too much time...I don't have a tv connection in my apartment and my Wii hasn't been hooked up since I moved in. So in this next year, it's vital that I keep growing naturally, but truly exercise my faith by learning as much about my Savior as I possibly can.

And to go along with that, this is what I envision for age 24. I want this to be a year marked by hard work. Not work that eventually kills me in the long run, but hard work that will improve my overall life quality and help me realize my goals. Physically speaking, there are a lot of things that I want to accomplish. I'm SO thankful for my buddy Kyle...he brought me along to Planet Fitness, and he's helping me live a physically healthy lifestyle. I've gotten SO much stronger in just 3 1/2 months, to the point where I'm seeing a definite change in my body structure than just a few months before. But I have a list of goals I want to accomplish physically, spiritually, and in other areas.

1) I want to finish a warrior dash (or multiple). They're the 5K runs through the mud. I would have looked into them this past summer, but I haven't been training for that kind of conditioning. I would love to hold those medals on me and say "Yes...I did that." And they look insanely fun too.
2) I want to excel beyond my past skill in baseball. Recently I've felt a calling to return to the ballfield, but in a different venue: baseball ministry. I still don't know how this will take form, but this is also something I have to figure out (see goal #3). But I want to return to my past form and continue excelling beyond that. I want to be content with the knowledge that I could hold my own in the minor leagues (and who knows, maybe try out someday) :)
3) Take a UPI missions trip. UPI is Unlimited Potential Inc., and they do short-term missions trips to different countries to do baseball clinics and stuff like that. This seems like a really neat opportunity, and I think I would get a great deal of insight from taking one of these trips. So if the Lord allows, I will take one of these trips next year and find out more about my dream of baseball ministry.
4) Schedule God-time. This may be the most important thing of all. In order to do anything with ministry, I need to have God by my side and I need to be seeking His counsel every day. And I can't do that if I don't spend time with Him. Today in Sunday School we learned about praying continually, which means being in constant contact with God. We don't have to spend an hour at a time on our knees talking out loud, but God needs to invade every part of our lives, to the point where serving isn't even a thought but a reaction. I just saw a friend's facebook status, saying he talked about theology with a homeless man for a half hour. Know what I did tonight? I saw a lady on my way home that needed a ride somewhere...not sure what her story was, but she needed a ride. And I blew right by her. I often relate my personality to that of Peter in the gospels...well, tonight I felt like him. I felt like Peter in that moment when Jesus' bloody face looked at him after the disowning when the rooster crowed. And just like Peter did, I sat in my car at my apartment and wept bitterly.

It's so easy to put on a Christian t-shirt (which I was wearing tonight) and listen to Christian music (which I was listening to on my right home), and try to live without God's heart. It's far too easy to do that. We don't get judged, we don't get hurt by others, and we're just another face in the crowd that goes about his/her business. THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS LIFE IS ABOUT! This life is about full service, full surrender, total praise to our King. And I've tried many times to serve God on my own will and power. It just doesn't work that way...we need GOD in order to serve God! So while I want to work hard at tasks I have in front of me, I want my directive to be set. I can't even look in the mirror at myself right now because of my shame from tonight. I prayed "God, I can't believe you could love me. I don't even deserve to breathe. I just don't get how you love me." And I don't know if I'll ever truly understand. But y'know what? It doesn't matter if I understand it or not...all I have to do is believe it. And it's easy to believe it, because it's sitting right in the most quoted verse in history: "FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT..." That's the proof...God loves us, end of story. I can't understand how I just disregarded His daughter along the side of the road, and yet He loves me and has already forgiven me. It's baffling. But, He still loves...the Bible said so. And so this is the most important part of this coming year and years after. I want to work hard at my relationship with God. It's pathetic to think that he was tortured for me, and I can't even give Him a few minutes a day. I know I often wait on God to say something to me, but I think we call the Bible "God's Word" and forget that He's talking to us whenever we read it. So I've got quite a year ahead of me. Plenty to learn, plenty of room to grow. And God be with me...here I go.


And as a bonus, listen to this song. Whether it has anything to do with this note or not, it doesn't matter...just listen to the song and let it convict you as much as it is me right now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ec7ofMOqVM

Ruts

I think this is a really good time for me to write...spontaneity is always the best thing when it comes to writing.

So...lately things haven't been great. Lately as in the past 2 or 3 weeks, but climaxing the past 3 days. My life has been insanely busy as usual, but I found myself making a dangerous mistake...I let my busyness get in the way of my spiritual life. Satan took full advantage...all of a sudden I noticed I wasn't praying fervently, I wasn't in the Word, I was getting increasingly frustrated with work, and things just kept stacking up. So I deliberately took a night away from everything just to reflect on what's been going on.

Yesterday I had an interesting thought pop in my head...I felt as though I was trying to serve God without being close to God. I guess I would "go through the motions" to an extent, but internally I was suffering. I just wasn't letting God have control of my life, and I tried to take over again. Well, I've had plenty of experience of what happens when I try to direct my own life. I mess up quite a bit. I let my temper take over and may God forgive what comes out of my mouth.

So this is me trying to figure out where to go when these ruts happen, because they happen more than I'd like. And granted, I'm blessed with many people who love and care about me, but being an only child and living alone, this is something between me and God alone (I'm just choosing to publish it on my blog :) ). Well allow me to share some thoughts I'm having.

1) Being blessed with athleticism and physicality, I like to relate my spiritual life to physical activity. There are 2 things I can relate to: baseball and weightlifting, so I'll start with baseball. A rut in baseball would be if a batter was slumping, meaning that he's not getting base hits in a long series of at-bats. And of course, I've gone through them, and anyone who's played baseball has gone through them. Sometimes slumps can happen just out of coincidence...nothing really changes, but the ball just isn't finding it's way to the ground. But more often than not, slumps can happen because of just an EXTREMELY small change in mechanics, basically undetectable. This is why I video myself every time I hit the batting cages, so that I can see exactly how I'm swinging and what I need to do to hit the ball better. But this nearly undetectable change can be the difference between a home run and a strikeout. See the parallel?

2) Same goes with weightlifting. I starting lifting with a buddy a little more than 3 months ago, and I've noticed a considerable change in my strength. However, there's a little thing known as "plateauing", when suddenly you aren't seeing considerable increases in strength and weightlifting amounts. This is easily grounds for discouragement. So what do you do? Well, step back and analyze what's going on. For me, I like to stay in a routine if I'm comfortable with it, and that's why plateauing happens. Muscles become accustomed to moving the same way, so you don't get considerable gains after awhile. It's necessary to edit your routine and do something new in order to shock your muscles so that they can continue to grow. So, small edits to a routine...hmmm....

Back to the rut I've been going through. Today is that day where I just have to take a small step back and analyze what's been going on, figure out how to make a change, and move forward. Well, it's like I mentioned before, I was trying to serve God without being close to God. In the Christian life, alone time with God should be the single most important thing that we can do. It's easy to talk about having a relationship with God, but we can't have that relationship if we're not doing anything about it. God's always waiting and always ready for us. "For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" - Exodus 34:14. God loves us...He wants our attention and is always waiting for it. I've heard it said that God isn't going to try to compete with things of this world for our attention. God should expect our attention for no other reason than that He's GOD! Even time with good Christian brothers and sisters is nothing compared to being intimate with God. The thing I need to change in my life is to give my life to God once again, and the only way to do that is to pray and seek daily.

But the great thing I'm learning about going through ruts is that I find that I come out stronger. It makes sense with the parallels also. When you break out of a batting slump, you generally become a much more dangerous hitter than when you were before. When you start to climb out of a plateau in weightlifting, you become MUCH stronger than before. As I'm maturing, I realize that these ruts never last as long as they used to, and I come out of them a stronger man of God than I was previously. Friends, we're promised hard times on this earth. But through these hard times, we can find God in a whole new way and learn about Him and ourselves. My charge to myself and to anyone reading is to embrace the rut that you're in and ask, "What is God trying to teach me through this?" In this case, God is teaching me to come back to Him and to surrender myself to His following. Please pray for me as I'll pray for anyone reading this. And praise God for allowing to go through trials, because we can stand resolutely on the promise of James 1, that we WILL come out stronger.

God's Wildfire

FINALLY!!! I've been waiting for this...another late night with no commitments tomorrow, and God forbid I should go a full month without writing. It's been way too long since I finally sat down to do this. And what better time than the present...wide awake on this late night, and man do I have some things to write about.

It's really ironic that I'm so awake right now. I managed to show quite a bit of energy this week, but this week has been one of the most physically and mentally draining weeks in recent memory. I woke up at 6 AM three times this week to lift before work, then work a mentally-draining 8-5 shift. Give myself 15 minutes to power down a few slices of pizza, and then I helped out with the bus ministry for Vacation Bible School at church at 5:30, and typically didn't get home until about 10:00...at which time was time for bed and doing it all over again. It was so draining and tiring, but I passionately prayed and asked for prayer on Sunday for energy from God to do the work that was in front of me. Not only was I granted this, but I emerged from this week a few things I didn't expect: a renewed life perspective, and the awakening of a dormant wildfire.

I originally volunteered to help out with 2nd-3rd graders because my co-worker was sending her daughter to VBS, and wanted me to be a friendly face for her. So I signed up for this spot, but God steered me in a different direction. I was asked to help with the bus ministry with my friends Joel, Scott, and Jess. The bus goes to an apartment complex that is predominately a black community to pick up kids to bring them to VBS and church on Sundays. It's a rougher "inner-city" crowd in who-knows-what situations...I'm not judging, this is just the way it is. One of the main goals of my presence was to keep the kids in line because, as I learned, they can get extremely rowdy. I ended up taking a part I didn't want to play...the strict-teacher/security guard type person. There were plenty of times the kids just needed to shut their mouths for their own safety on the bus. I had never worked with that kind of crew before, and never even THOUGHT about it in the past. But, this is what I ended up doing.

But God didn't stop here. All of a sudden, I found myself on-stage doing goofy hand motions to the songs that were being sung. Joel and I just made them up because we were bored at the VBS meeting the day before...2 days later, we're on stage doing the same motions and keeping the kids entertained. That was actually more of my comfort zone...I'm used to being a moron :) But such is the nature of all VBSs...you sign up, and you volunteer wherever you can. So I helped (marginally) with snack time, and led one of the (less-popular) games on Friday. But despite all these minor nicks in the armor, God STILL wasn't done! Oh not at all...on Thursday, I felt the Spirit leading me to present a Gospel message to the kids on the bus. Let me recap a few things. First, I've never really worked with kids before. Second, I've actually never presented a Gospel message on my own. Third, these kids are ROWDY! How are they ever going to pay attention??? But sure enough, here I am on this bus, boldly presenting the story of Jesus and the Good News to these kids who may not have heard it before. And I can say boldly without hint of pride because it was all God working through me...He authored that day and my words. And as expected, I had a hard time keeping them quiet and making them stay attentive, but I looked around and saw 2 or 3 that were REALLY paying attention, so I focused my eyes a lot on them and I think the Lord hit them pretty hard when I was done.

But despite my booming voice, the bus was so loud that not everyone who wanted to hear me were able to hear. So the very next day, I was stretched again. Nehemiah, a little boy going into 2nd grade, sits beside me on the bus. And in his precious little voice, asks me, "Can you tell me the story of Jesus again, like you did yesterday?" I could've hugged him until he couldn't breathe anymore. The fact that he asked that showed me that he had been thinking about it ever since I spoke the previous day. He was trying to meditate on Jesus. Then something became evidently clear...something amazing and awe-inspiring...GOD USED ME!!!! I know my sins and my shortcomings (Psalm 51:3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.), but God chose me to speak to this little boy about Himself despite my shortcomings. I don't believe I ever spoke so boldly and clearly as I did to little Nehemiah. And he soaked in every word that came from the mouth of God through me.

Now getting to my main point, what came out of this week was unforgettable and life-altering. Right now I'm still a guy searching for myself, searching for God, and searching for my true calling and vocation on this earth. I work at a help desk right now in a corporate environment. Something I've learned about the corporate environment is that it's one of the most soul-deadening atmospheres on the planet. There are so many guys that come into work that just look dead when they come in and when they leave. Granted, I don't know their stories. But if I were to judge from how they talk and look, it just looks like they're working for a paycheck because they have to, while killing their souls in the process. It pains me to no end to see this. And all the time I work there, I'm at risk of the same thing. But working for the Lord this week, seeing the energy that flowed through me despite sheer exhaustion, seeing little children learn about God through His words spoken through me, I came out of this week with fire.

Now, fire is mentioned a few times in the Bible. One of my favorite verses to quote is Job 23:10, "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." When gold is tested, it means that it has to become moldable to be strengthened. And how is gold tested? 1 Peter 1:7, "That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." Proverbs 17:3, "The fining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold: but they Lord trieth the hearts." Trial by fire...it's a common saying for a reason. We are made strong through being stretched, James 1:2-3 "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." And we need these fires to make us stronger.

But fire has this nasty tendency of fizzling out. Candles, campfires, even oil candles, they all burn out unless you refuel them somehow. But you know what doesn't always need more fuel? A wildfire! Wildfires are tragic happenings in the world, destroying property and taking lives. However, maybe we need a wildfire in our lives. Personally I know I'm a passionate guy and I can get very frustrated if I feel a fire dying. This week I got a rekindling, but I want it to turn into an all-out wildfire. Even at 4 AM (current time), it's easy to say that I'll go to bed now and finish this tomorrow. But such is the nature of the wildfire...I stay up until this is finished because the Spirit is still burning in me. This can really apply to all aspects of life though. Talking incessantly about my future lady as much as I do, she's going to want a man that is absolutely on fire for the Lord. And I can't be on fire for the Lord just so I can get my wife, but I must be on fire for the Lord ALWAYS, and let the wife come when God brings her in. But I've been so blessed in this past week. God started a wildfire in me and I want to keep fueling it. So it's time to put myself on the frontline. Time to embrace my spiritual gift of leadership in whatever venue I should find myself in. Time to BOLDLY proclaim the story of Jesus. I'm just following the warrior's path to wherever God leads, and right now I'm led to this church. I'm excited after talking with friends tonight because I KNOW something big is going to happen at this church, and I'm going to be a big part of it. I don't know what it's going to be or who it will affect, but God is going to continue to use me in gargantuan ways. So it's time to get out of my comfort zone and make a scene for the Lord, as my man Tedashii says. I struggle with many things...pride, lust, anger, to name a few. But this is God's wildfire, and it's not in me for no reason, and He's going to use me despite AND because of my shortcomings. "Can you tell me the story of Jesus again, like you did yesterday?"

THIS IS WHAT IT'S ABOUT!!!!!! Open up to Christ and dare yourself to be opened up to the wildfire buried in YOU :)

Honor

I somehow knew a blog post would happen after watching Gladiator (for the first time the whole way through? REALLY, past me??? Fail!). Thanks to all who read...please let God speak to you as I try to allow Him to speak through me.

I like to think that I'm a man of principles. A man of strong character and faith. Whether that's true yet or not...well, God's still at work. About 3-4 weeks ago, I bought a sword to hang in my apartment. I wanted something that I could display proudly in my living room, something that reminds me of my warrior spirit. It's now become my second-favorite decoration...my favorite is and will always be an old, decrepit Yankees shirt that my dad wore for an extremely long time...nothing replaces that. But anyway, what's really cool about the sword I bought is that there are three of my favorite words carved into the hilt: courage, honneur, justice. I've studied courage quite a bit and have a solid foundation on that. I am extremely passionate about justice and try to live by that as much as possible. But honor. Y'know, I've never studied it deeply and what I believe about it. What is even cooler is the spelling of the word, and the location on the hilt. Ye Olde English, honneur, located dead center on the hilt, as if it were the key word. So...what of it? (p.s. my writing is very ADD...you'll have to forgive that lol)

As I already said, I'm fresh off of watching Gladiator. As with any movie, I look for spiritual parallels that I can take away from it. The part that really caught my attention was the second time he came face-to-face with the emperor, Commodus. The first was his famous monologue, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, blablabla". But the second is after Maximus fights his way through the staged battle after mauling a tiger and a rather gigantic human being. Now you see, there's a difference between Commodus and Maximus...Commodus is a sniveling, spineless coward, Maximus is an honorable warrior. And at this point the gloves are off. Maximus knows that Commodus is trying to kill him. So here's the exchange that caught my eye:

Commodus: What am I going to do with you? You simply won't... die. Are we so different, you and I? You take life when you have to... as I do.
Maximus: I have only one more life to take. Then it is done.
Commodus: Then take it now.
[Maximus pauses, then turns around and walks away]
Commodus: They tell me your son...
[Maximus stops]
Commodus: ...squealed like a girl when they nailed him to the cross. And your wife... moaned like a whore when they ravaged her again and again... and again.
Maximus: The time for honoring yourself will soon be at an end.
[Bows head]
Maximus: Highness.

See that? Maximus doesn't trash talk. He doesn't threaten. He states his duty, then prepares to leave. But the loudmouth keeps running his mouth...tries to get him to react. But Maximus doesn't react in the way Commodus is prodding him. Instead he just quietly says a single line and walks off. To me, this move just screamed honor.

When I saw this, it made me think of Jesus's famous teaching of turning the other cheek, "Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also" Matthew 5:38-39. Maximus quite literally ran out of cheeks. First Commodus says, "Alright you poser, let's see how tough you are. Go on, strike me down. C'mon chicken...you know you want to." Maximus doesn't say a word and walks away. So the next line of attack is, "OK fine, Mr. Heroic and Humble, trying to play the honor card. Let's see how you like me talking about your wife and son...who, by the way, I humiliated and murdered in cold blood." Maximus turned one cheek and got struck on the other. Having run out, he doesn't retaliate. He just swiftly says one line and walks away...but not before getting in a little cheap shot of his own by mocking Commodus' royal position :)

It's easy to sing hymns such as "Standing On The Promises", but can we sing that and truly stand on them? Here's a difficult one: "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." - Romans 12:29, referencing Deuteronomy 32:35, "To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste." Let me make an example out of my own life. I have people in my life that absolutely love to take cheap shots at me. People who love to see me react because as I've been told, "Chris, you have the FUNNIEST reactions!" Yeah, lovely. And I'm fine with an occasional mock at me, especially if it makes a laugh for someone. But then it goes too far...it goes into cheap shots about my character and faith, and that's when I begin to feel rage swell up inside of me. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." It's so hard to keep that! "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." - Matthew 18:21-22. It all goes hand-in-hand. To keep going on that, what does the Bible say about people like this? "It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling." - Proverbs 20:3. "A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards." - Proverbs 29:11. Fools. The Bible says that these jabs that are taken at me, they're not even worth my time to respond. So the correct response...well, go back to Matthew 5 and 18.

Now this isn't meant to belittle people or play the whole "sticks and stones" argument. My purpose in writing this is to develop a more honorable lifestyle, one that reflects Christ and the honorable way that HE lived. I just found that the word "honour" is mentioned approximately 178 times in the King James Bible. Something tells me that God thinks it's kinda important. So the question that I get from this is, "Well...what's stopping me?" I tend to think of honor in terms of my own manhood, in learning of how I'm to develop as a man of God. I've always said I want to "wow" my future wife with the way I live, and that comes with being an honorable man of strength. So a song that brought me back to this thought is called Authority by 116 (Christian hip-hop/rap group). The first part of the first verse goes like this: "On the reel, I'm a man / But I guess it's just my gender / When it comes to manhood / Man we leave it to our sisters / What a tragedy, travesty, passive in our actions, living absentee / Stand and wait while asking them to marry me". They're tough words to hear and can be tough to live out. But when focus on honoring God first by living the example of honor Christ set for us, it's not difficult at all. As I said, if I try to live honorably sometimes I get laughed at or put down. But I talked about this in a previous note (Post-Grey), what is our mode of thought and action if we are completely alone, if all of our friends abandon us? Jesus faced that on the cross. Judas betrayed him. Peter disowned him. The rest of them ran away. God the Almighty Father turned His face away from him. Jesus was completely and utterly ALONE. Yet, he died honorably. He knew what he had to do, and as a MAN should, he did it. What a testimony. Simply to be associated with the word "honor", it's worth living so I could have that put on my gravestone. It's worth dying for. If you don't believe me, I'll say it again: 178 times in the King James Bible. God said it, Jesus established it. I have a lot to learn...and a lot more to put into practice. So to answer my question, what's stopping me? There's nothing stopping me. "He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved." - Psalm 62:6. God is preparing me to living humbly and honorably. Praise God for the opportunity to live honorably for His eternal glory.

A godly woman...

Wow, it's been awhile since I really dove into thought...too long for my liking. As always, I don't know exactly what I want to say, but I'm going to speak from whatever my heart says. But this is a little different. Sometimes I tend to "sermonize" with my facebook notes and hope people learn from my experiences, but that's not the case this time. This time I'm just speaking directly from my heart...I'm happy for anyone who reads, but I'm not trying to get anyone to learn anything for once. And Satan's already been after me...it's almost 11 and I'm waking up at 5:30 tomorrow and he doesn't want this to be written. But he can't stop this one. So...here goes.

It's no secret that I've struggled with my relationship/martial/whatever-you-want-to-call-it status. No matter how much I have tried to deny it or overcome it, it is what it is: I don't like being single. I wish I had someone to call my own. I wish I had a beautiful, godly woman to whom I can offer my strength and protection. I long for that and I can't get rid of that longing. But I had a strange thought hit me tonight. A very simple, yet incredibly complicated question. "Why?" I would think that most guys can answer why they want a wife...but can they really? So it got me thinking.

Tonight I was listening to Background by Lecrae. There's no point in the song that talks about girlfriends or wives or anything like that. The song has a very simple message, yet I believe it's the simplest messages that are the most profoundly deep. The chorus goes "I could play the background / I could play the background / 'Cause I know sometimes / I get in the way / So won't You take the lead, lead, lead / So won't You take the lead, lead, lead / And I could play the background / And You could take the lead...." And it's that same message, just said in many different ways throughout the song...it's beautiful. But somehow it was this song that spurred my thinking and made me ask this question.

"Why?" That was my question. Another way to ask that question is, "for what reason?" Specifically, I was thinking about this in terms of godly women. For what reason do I want a godly woman? Now, at first glance it should seem fairly obvious, right? Well, godly women are the good girls...ones that will remain faithful, won't get into trouble, will give all of their love, and so on. I think most "good" guys want that. But WHY do I want that? For WHAT reason? Is it truly for the reasons I listed above, to offer my strength and protection? Or perhaps...for more fleshly reasons, ones which I'm not proud to admit? Is it to drink in her beauty, for safety, and to make life easy for me? A godly woman can certainly be that for me, I see it done all the time.

And what about the other side...what do godly women want? Why? For what reason? Godly women want godly men. MOST (and I believe this is what they SHOULD want, from a biblical perspective) want godly men who will lead them in the ways of Christ. One that WILL offer their strength and protection that only comes from the Most High. I've heard this from many girls my age, and every time I hear it, I think "I'm right here". It's puzzled me for a long time. I'm a godly man, wanting desperately to give these things, and you're a godly woman, wanting those things of your man. So...what's missing?

Well, this song gave me a little bit of perspective (actually, a lot of bit of perspective). This story is about God. I hear it many times and believe it...our life is a blink. God is forever...we get 15 seconds of fame, then we're gone. Want proof? History majors or politicians might get this, but think like the common man for a second. Think of arguably, our most famous president, Abraham Lincoln. He lived 50-some years, accomplishing amazing things for our country. So...who was his vice president? The answer is Hannibal Hamlin, who lived for over 80 years. Does anyone even remember him? I certainly don't...I didn't even know he existed. And think of all of the other people who lived during that time...do they have a legacy today? Barely any do. Everyone knows God...He's the most famous dude in the universe. The story can't be about us, we don't even remember the 2nd most powerful man in the U.S. in 1860. Wow...that was a rabbit trail. So since our lives are just a blink, we can't play the lead, it HAS to be God. We have to be instruments in God's story. Everything I do has to be OF God and glorify God.

So with that said, there's something I left out. What do godly women want? Godly women want their relationship with God to be the forefront of their lives. And a true godly man will want the same, and that's when the two are brought together, or IF the two are brought together. I can safely say that I'm not ready to be in a relationship, because of how I answered my question. I want a godly woman that will give me attention. I want her to love me (which she will), but I'm being selfish...it's like I don't even want to share her with God, because then I won't be getting the attention I want. How wrong! I can't possibly lead someone in Christ's name if I try to put that relationship in front of my relationship with God. I will always consider myself a godly man and always will be, don't get me wrong. But today I realized the error in my thinking. I still very much want a relationship for many reasons, but God showed me where I still need work, and I'm able to rest now because of that. So I can't be running around trying to find my future wife like I have been...I need to relax and learn about my relationship with God. And for anyone that does actually read this...I just want you know that this is very hard for me to write. I feel a great sense of shame...I wish I had a lot of things "all together" in my mind, but clearly right now I don't. It hurts for me to say that and admit it, but I know this is God's way of breaking me so that He can mold me into a greater man. So no matter how ashamed and might be and no matter how much it hurts, I'm grateful that God is using these words to break me down. I just need to play the background...disregard what I want and serve what God wants, because the story just isn't about me. As humbling as that is, we serve the greatest God imaginable...and I wouldn't want to play the background to any other story :)

For Lent this year...

For most people, I know we give up things like Facebook or chocolate or something else that's generally unhealthy. I'm a little different though (like THAT wasn't obvious...), I prefer not to give up tangible things, but rather something intangible. Something I know is unhealthy for the way I live. Last year I said I was going to give up "everything", in an attempt to transfer everything that I am completely over to God. This year I need to narrow it down...and there's one thing that's been bugging me recently, so perhaps this is God challenging me. So I've decided that for Lent this year, I am giving up:

Fear.

It's hard to decipher exactly what this means. We're not called to be completely fearless, that's just reckless stupidity. And isn't the fear of the Lord the beginning of both knowledge AND wisdom, as depicted by two separate Proverbs? So perhaps I'm not completely giving up fear. However, there have been fears that have been holding me back. Fear of rejection. Fear of the future. Fear of being judged. Fear of God's callings. Fears which make me sit idle and be set in my zone of safety. It's easy to just sit back and embrace safety...and something I know I need to let go. 

Like I said, I'm not called to be fearless. But I AM called to be something similar...courageous. And what is courage? My definition of courage is acting on what you know is right, despite fears and rather embracing them. Today I was convicted by the song "Dangerous" by Pillar. The second verse says: "You, hold back your tears / Embrace your fears / And you let it be what motivates you / Don't hold your breath / That burns inside / Or you'll make your pain be self-inflicted / Direct your full attention / Did I forget to mention? / Live life with no restrictions / No one can hold you down!" So it calls us to not entirely discard our fears, but rather to put on courage and face them.

And courage...what a tricky thing to obtain. I was about to google "courage in the Bible", until I had an interesting thought: the faith chapter, Hebrews 11. You can replace the phrase "by faith" in each instance with "by courage". Think about it...it took courage for Abraham to offer his son before God stopped him. It took courage for Moses to cross the Red Sea. It took courage for Rahab to do what she did. And all of these people are remembered in Biblical history. So if I can replace that phrase...is it safe to assume that faith and courage are synonymous? I'd certainly be willing to argue so. So in an absence of courage, we find fear. When we find fear, we also find a lack of faith in things to come. Yet we're still given promises of things yet to come and we're promised that God is true, "For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." - Psalm 33:4.

So maybe for Lent, I'm not necessarily giving up, but I'm gaining. I'm gaining courage to live for God no matter what crap hits the fan and into my face. But I'm letting go of fears that are holding me back from being who God called me to be. The unpassionate life just simply isn't good enough for me. So no matter how scary, no matter where God calls me, I'm going to go. Maybe that means staying at the helpdesk for 10 more years. Maybe it means moving to Africa next year. I don't think the latter is likely, but who knows...if God calls it, I'm going. Soli Deo Gloria...Glory to God alone.

Post-Grey

"Once more into the fray.
Into the last good fight I'll ever know.
Live or die on this day.
Live or die on this day."

I just finished watching The Grey with all of my beloved pack members. I'll try not to give away TOO many spoilers...actually, I take that back. In order to write this note, I have to spoil the movie. So, spoiler alerts ahead.

Anyway, this poem was a theme throughout the movie, and it's one which struck a chord with me. There was a huge plane crash in the beginning of the movie, and only about 7 survived. When it got to the point where there were 5 people left, this is the time where they begin to bond and share more about themselves (revealing that two of them are atheists...one of my personal depressing points of the movie). One by one, they are slowly picked off by the wolves, until only Liam Neeson is left. This is where this poem really kicks in. Liam has a decision to make. He's now all alone in the icy cold wilderness, and it's just him against the wolves. Before he encounters the wolves, he makes a desperate plea to God to show him something real (Liam is one of the atheists). But, no such sign appears. Faced with certain death, Liam just says (language pardon) "fuck it, I'll do it myself." Then all of a sudden, he ends up in the "wolf den", and after paying homage to his comrades he is completely surrounded by wolves ready to tear him limb from limb. Then one large black wolf lets out a roar and the others back off, leave Liam to take on THIS wolf, the Alpha. I was completely engrossed in the movie at this point. Liam could wait to die, but no. He takes a knife, 3 glass bottles, and electrical tape. He breaks the 3 bottles and tapes them and the knife to his hands, and faces the wolf head on. It was really a powerful scene, and one which dove me into deep thought.

I always like finding spiritual parallels in movies (even if Hollywood doesn't want me to :) ). But this is so indicative of the battle in front of us as Christians. The alpha wolf here is Satan. When the alpha roars to call off the other wolves, he's saying, "this one is the best among them. I want him." And what does Liam do? He doesn't just sit around to die, he picks up whatever he can find and he fights with what little strength he has left. So when Satan roars to his demons, saying "ooh, this one thinks he's really working for God...I WANT HIM", what do we do? As Christians, Satan wants the best of us. Who is the best of us? You are. Every one of us is the best among us, because we are all equalled instilled with the Holy Spirit, none greater than the other. 

"Adversity does not build character, it reveals it." And how true that is. Adversity actually does both...we are constantly being built up by learning through our experiences and struggles, but when we are faced with big struggles we are able to see what we're really made of. I thought about myself near the end of the movie. I saw myself as Liam after his last friend dies, and I thought "what would I do?" I know what I would WANT to do: be the hero with infinite strength, ready to charge through any challenges ahead of me no matter how difficult. But what would I REALLY do? Well, probably a lot of praying first of all. But I don't think I could've made it. I have good survival skills, but I think fear and terror would get the best of me in that situation. Then when he encounters the wolf, same question. Similar answer. I definitely would have fought, but I know I wouldn't have lasted long just out of fear and giving up. I thought back to all the times I would crack under pressure. All the times I would ask for the burden, only to find that it's too great for me to handle. I would ask for the fight, only to find myself getting knocked down and not pulling myself back up.

But, I don't settle for this. I wouldn't have been called "The White Knight" by God if it wasn't true. When God gives us a calling, it's not going to be easy to realize the full extent of the calling. God promises a test, "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." - Job 23:10...one of my favorite verses. Gold is only made by testing it with a hammer; by beating it until it's solid. And Satan promises not to make it easy on us either...he's going to come at us with guns ablazing, ESPECIALLY when we have a calling. Consider Tim Tebow, fulling living on the battlefield for God. Consider the backlash that this guy gets. I saw a "comedian" today that was lashing out against Tebow (I use that term just as his professional title...I could make people laugh in my sleep better than this guy could). His quote was "If I was trapped in a room with Bin Laden and Tim Tebow, and I only had a gun with one bullet, I'd shoot Bin Laden...I'm no monster. But if I had 2 bullets, I'd shoot Tim Tebow first." If I heard that said about myself, I'd lose A LOT of heart. That's the ways of Satan trying to pull us down, trying to make us into flabby mediocre meat sacs. But God calls us to strength, no matter what the cost. It's easy to worship God and be all Christian-y in the presence of other Christians. What I want to know is, what if I'm the only one left? Liam was ALONE...with NO ONE around to share his burden. He took his fate as a warrior, and went out fighting. I want to be a man that realizes the strength that's truly hidden in me. At any cost, even my earthly life, my mission is to see that others realize the coming Kingdom of God. Even if my friends betray me, even if they die out, if I'm the only one left...what will I do? And the ever-haunting question, what if I never get married? Will I stop serving God if there isn't someone alongside of me? At work, where I'm the only Christian and continually take cheap shots at my character and faith, will I quit sharing what I believe? Will I conform to their ways just so they accept me? That's a path I'll never go down again.

Like Liam, against all odds, I look Satan in the eye and say "you don't scare me." Because, unlike Liam in the movie, we have a King who fights alongside of us and promises to never leave us, "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." - Deuteronomy 31:6. This is where we take our strength, from our God. This is where we have all hope of living, both here on earth AND after we're done here and are called home. So...what do we have to fear? "I called upon the LORD in distress: the LORD answered me, and set me in a large place. The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?" - Psalm 118:5-6 (also the verse that Hollywood apparently forgot to read when Liam was crying out to God). I know Lecrae got it right...go hard or go home. Check this out:

"Rep every day without worryin about bruisin / I been to China man I seen some real persecution / If you didn't know Christ would ya life look the same / Can they tell you value Jesus by the way to rep his name? / Man what's the point of livin if I'm livin for myself / Lord empty out my life before I put you on the shelf / So for God I go hard, I don't wanna die tonight / But there's too many people livin who ain't heard about my Christ"

Battle cry. The greatest honor a human could ever realize...the full outpouring of their life to a cause greater than themselves. Putting their own head on a guillotine to save the life of another. This is strength. This is honor. So when faced with the same adversity that Liam Neeson faced, I want to act as he did. Realizing the strength of God in me and go hard into it. I think I need to tape some shards of glass to my knuckles and show Satan what I'm made of.

"Once more into the fray.
Into the last good fight I'll ever know.
Live or die on this day.
Live or die on this day."