Finding blessings through trials

My apologizes, I didn't expect this to be this long...but I would really appreciate those who see this to read it...there's definitely a good application at the end of it.

Trials. Struggles. Let's face it, they suck and we don't like having to deal with them, but because of our broken world we're forced to endure them until God calls us home. But if we look at it correctly and deal with them correctly, we have a great potential to see God more clearly than we would in easier times. By His grace, I had that opportunity today.

The last few days have definitely been rather up and down. Wednesday I saw a job posted online that I actually applied for previously, but since it was reposted I applied again. Thursday I gave the company a call to, more or less, force the issue. The lady I talked to asked me to come in for an interview at 9:00am the next morning. Friday I went in for the interview and went home shortly after, and about 3 hours later I got a call with the official job offer. Cool! So of course...I'm happy at this point, as I'm sure anyone would be.

Friday night rolls around...my parents had been working outside all day. We went out to dinner, and the whole time my mom kept complaining about how bad her finger hurt. It was swollen, and it just looked like she jammed it or something. Plus, my mom has a comically low pain tolerance, so I was just saying "Mom, you're FINE! Just stick some ice on it and deal with it." So we get back, and at about 10:00 my parents come in my room and tell me they're going to the hospital to have her finger looked it. Wow...ok. Still didn't think too much of it. I get another call around midnight telling me that they're keeping my mom at the hospital because they're worried it could be a bacterial infection and they're worried that it could possibly be serious. Wait....what? It's just a finger! My heart sank...I didn't want my mom to be at the hospital and I didn't want anything to be wrong, and I was obviously helpless to do anything about it. I went to bed fairly bummed out.

Saturday...yay snow!!!! Except not really. While facebook statuses explode about the snow, all I could think of was "Great...my mom's still in the hospital and now I'm probably not going to get to visit her." Plus, I just wanted to have a lazy day at home and watch a movie or something, but all I could think about was my mom. Well, my dad was planning on going to visit her anyway, and my first temptation was just to stay at home because I didn't feel like going out. Wow...how selfish am I. But God got to me...I knew my mom would be happy to see me and I knew it would be right to make a sacrifice on her behalf (since she's made basically a whole life's worth of sacrifices for me), so I went along. My mom's doing better even though her finger's still the size of a corn dog, but we think it was something that could've turned serious if we didn't catch it in an early stage. So I'm definitely thankful for that.

"Using trials as blessings"...I haven't really gotten to my point yet, but i'm working on it. :) The trial I'm speaking of isn't my mom's finger, although it's part of it. I haven't really told anyone about my mom being in the hospital right now because, as bad as this sounds, I don't really want to hear "I'll pray for her!" My first thought is, what exactly are you going to pray for? For her to get better and recover quickly? Well...what if God decides to answer that with "Sorry, not this time." What then? It's just a thing of mine...I typically don't like praying for such temporal things because ironically I almost feel a disconnect from God when I pray something like that. "Dear God, I want so-and-so to feel better. Make it happen? Thanks, cya next time." No, that's what I wanted. I wanted to know what God was doing. I knew God was trying to send me a message...I wanted to know what it was. And I also knew it wouldn't just be given to me...I had to go find it.

We finally got home from the hospital at around 4:30 today, and I did something rather radical and completely illogical. "Dad, I'm going out for a bike ride." He looked at me like I sprouted 5 heads. He just laughed and said have fun...I didn't want to tell him exactly what I was doing, this was between me and God. So I set out. There's a nice 3-mile loop that starts and ends at my house, and 1 mile into it there's a field and a pavilion where I often go to pray, so I fought my way through the cold and the snow to the pavilion. The air was a little thinner and I was fasting while I did this...I only had a small slice of pizza and was hungry, but I waited to eat in an effort to connect with God more effectively.

My mom and I haven't had the best relationship over the years. We think very differently and get impatient with each other from time to time. For a long time I just used this as an excuse to not do anything about it, dismissing it to "it's just the way it is." Honor thy father has always been easy for me...the second part of the commandment was always very difficult for me. So as weird as it sounds, I couldn't understand why this issue was bothering me so much. I mean yes, I love my mom, but I think I felt like I loved her because I had to, which I see now is the wrong way to think and live. So down at the pavilion, no one's around and I'm free to speak out loud. So I start to ask God what the heck He was doing...why was this bothering me so much...why did You call me out here? I waited briefly, and then a message hit me like a brick:

"Are you man enough to save your relationship with your mother?"

Save. Not fix. Not try harder. SAVE. Wow...am I really in that much danger? I don't want that...I've always wanted a better relationship with my mom but I just wanted it to happen, I never really worked for it. So I answered:

"Yes God, I am."

"Prove it."

Call it hairbrained, call it what you want, judge me if you want, I don't care. This is a message I got from God and I believe it. But even after that, I got a little bit more:

"Go the back way back to your house. Keep pedaling the whole time. Drop gear if you must, but don't stop pedaling."

Typically when I ride my bike, I go to that pavilion and go back home the way I came. The back way is a much harder path...it's a nice coast downhill for about the first mile, but then as I turn onto my road it goes into another downhill, and up an extremely steep hill for about 1/8 of a mile. I live near mountains, my friend...this isn't your typical Mechanicsburg hill, these are Halifax hills. And although I'm an athlete, endurance is NOT my thing. But it all became clear...God was telling me to prove myself. Prove I was willing to work. Prove I was willing to fight for it. Prove it.

There's actually an incline coming out of the pavilion, so I had to battle that first and that took a lot of my energy, but then I got to coast through the downhill. Then as I got to my road, I said a prayer and started. I only dropped one gear to get through the pavilion uphill, and almost to my own surprise, I watched as my fingers increased my bike to top gear going into the death hill. I kept pedaling through the pain...my feet and hands were numb, and I was literally yelling with every pedal I took.

"Prove it."

I got about 3/4 of the way up the hill in top gear. I tried pedaling one more time, and my quads gave out on me and I collapsed off to the side of the road. I had no choice but to walk the rest of the way, with my knees giving out with every step I took. Feeling like I failed for not making it the whole way, I heard from God again: "You didn't stop pedaling. Well done." That was cool.

"Chris, are you closing this note out any time in the near future?" :) Yes, I'm almost there.

God is so mysterious that we don't recognize what He's doing most of the time. If my mom hadn't gone to the hospital, I wouldn't be writing this note. I wouldn't have gone on my psycho bike ride. I wouldn't have seen God better. I found it really interesting how the path of my bike ride was actually indicative of my last few days. The first part of my bike ride was fairly easy...tiring, but definitely easy. Much like the first few days since Wednesday, found a job online, got an interview, got the job. Then as I left the pavilion on my ride, I knew a trial was coming: the hill. It was a challenge I knew I had to face and not back down from. My mom being in the hospital is like this hill. I knew our relationship wasn't the best, but it was revealed to me how much I actually DO care about my mom and how different my life would be without her. And as simple of an injury as this is, it shows me that her years are winding down, and I'm not going to have much time left with her. So I can't just expect things to get better, I have to work at it and fight for it, much like I did against that hill. God showed me a blueprint of what I need to do, and I need to do it. My mom's also a bit of a workaholic, so she gets a little time off through being in the hospital. God managed to kill two birds with one stone through swelling up my mom's ring finger. Wow.

Why does James say that we should consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds? Trials are...trials. They suck! But James says that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I know I'm guilty of this, but I think we often quote this passage (James 1:2-4) and we leave out verse 4. I always think that I'm a man of very strong faith, so I shouldn't be facing so many trials. But perseverance has to finish it's work so that it's mature and complete, and I'm not there yet. I know the question is asked so often why God allows suffering to happen in the world if He's such a good God. Would our faith be mature and complete otherwise? Experience is probably the best teacher that we have on earth...God gives us trials and asks us to learn from them. And the trials are going to be hard, but James 1:12 says "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." And this isn't a crown that we're gonna see in this life, but the next. And THAT'S what it's about. Our final and greatest blessing is waiting for us after we leave this place and go home. But I believe that we have to do our part while we're here. God asked us to do work here no matter how hard, and He promises us a pretty amazing reward when we're done. We live in a broken world...that's just the way it is. But God's building us a new home that is nothing short of perfect, and that's what we're living for and straining for. Trials here are going to be hard, but they're necessary. They give us an opportunity to love the One that deserves all of our attention anyway. I know I wouldn't give Him my full attention if things were good all the time, and I sincerely doubt that YOU would either. God sees our plan in full view and He's always working for the best in our lives. So if He decides to use a trial, look for the lesson behind it. Take pride and comfort in the fact that God is making us stronger (But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. - Job 23:10). Look for the opportunity to know God at a deeper level, because God's not going to magically drop it in our lap. We're not going to find God sitting on our comfortable furniture...we're going to find Him in a bike ride through a snowstorm.

Passion

Seriously God...can't You give me these thoughts a little earlier in the day? It's 2:45 AM and I'm just now beginning this. Haha...oh well, here goes.

Passion. This is all I can really think of when I start listening to my favorite band, Pillar. Their songs are filled with such Godly passion, it's hard to resist their message...not that one would really want to. Many of their songs also seem to speak to Satan, as if they're trying to challenge him. Questionable, yes. But I love it...aren't we called to defeat the enemy with God at our side? Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about:

Reckless Youth:
We are the fearless ones / We are the loaded guns / With nothing left to lose / We are the reckless youth

Frontline:
Everybody with your fists raised high / Let me hear your battle cry tonight / Stand beside or step aside / We're on the front line

Throwdown:
I will settle for no less / Than the best I've got to give / Only the strong survive / When they try to take you down /
Toe to toe, pound for pound / It's time to step up, it's time to throw down

You Are Not The End:
You can try to break me down and then / Like a phoenix I will rise again / I always do / I ALWAYS DO! /
I won't let you win / You are not the end of me (You are not the end!) / I won't let you win / I won't let you bring me to my knees

Seriously...this stuff gives me chills. These guys are passionate about the war that's still going on between Heaven and Hell, and is occurring here on earth. Go ahead and disagree with me if you'd like, but this war is very real. If you don't believe me or are tempted to undermine this, remember it was James that said, "You believe there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder." And I don't think Jesus just handed out mental pills to all the "demon-possessed" people he encountered...no, Jesus screamed at demons to leave a person's body. Demons are very real...the Bible says so. The minute we undermine this fact is the minute we lose this war.

My day today was odd, to say the least. It all started at home when our power went out due to a big storm. Not a big deal...I was leaving shortly anyway. My health insurance is expiring in a few days and I have to renew it. After calling Highmark a few times I got no answer, so I went to Highmark to talk to them directly. The shop was closed and won't reopen until tomorrow. Fail. From there I went to a job fair and stayed there for a grand total of 45 seconds after I found out I had to go through an hour and a half long process just to talk to the hiring manager. Again, fail. Later in the evening, I was planning to stay the night in Maryland with Zac, but he got rather ill and we had to postpone our plans. Wow. I just kept taking hit after hit and it seemed like NOTHING was going right! On paper, it really looks like I had a crappy day. But honestly, it was far from it. In fact, I just kept laughing about how my day went.

Well ok...so passion. Crappy day. Spiritual war. How does this all tie together? See, I'm sure that I could have easily been torn down today had I given in to Satan's will. News flash...Satan hates God. The whole reason we have crappy days is because Satan wants to see us fall away from God. Well then, you ask, since God's so all-powerful and loving, why doesn't He just defeat Satan once and for all so Satan won't pull us away? Think about the scenario if God did that...would we honestly be in full return and service to God? Exodus 34:14, "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." Yeah, God's loving. But He's jealous too. He loves us so much that He wants our full attention, not just a simple "hey thanks for beating Satan. Cya next time." I think that God allows crappy days to happen so that we're faced with a choice, where we either give in to it or we submit our full passion and attention to God out of our own free will. I'm thankful that in this case, I kept my eyes on God the entire time and it turned out to somehow be a pretty good day.

On the way home from Messiah tonight I turned on these Pillar songs to keep me awake, but the words spoke to me and my passion. For a long time, I've struggled with the concept of passion and actually considered it a vice of mine. I tended to get passionate over something, but then wouldn't be willing to put work into it to make it come to fruition, and the passion would fizzle. So for awhile I tried to drop my passion. But one of my awesome brothers in Christ wrote a note to me, which I'll always save. One of the lines reads, "I remember in study once you told me that your passions have a tendency to burn out leaving you stuck. But I have seen your passion for the Lord drive you to great things." I was honored and flattered for that, and of course it got me thinking. This war that's going on...the Christian life, Heaven and Hell, God and Satan...we're soldiers in this thing. We as Christians made a declaration that we're going to live our lives for God, but that involves actually beating Satan in our lives. And that's not easy to do...certainly not with a mediocre ho-hum attitude. God created us to love Him and glorify Him, and that's not done nonchalantly. This is a passionate battle we're in. We're called to worship passionately and fight passionately.

I feel as though a big problem is that we think too much. Seriously. We base a lot of our lives on logic and knowledge, in order that we can maintain a stable life for ourselves. I don't really see anything wrong with that. In fact, I've always argued that God is a logical God...heck, He created logic. But I think about it more now, and I thank my brother Bill for this...but when in the Bible does God really use logic? Consider Gideon's army of 300 in Judges 7. I'm sure most of us already know, but they won that battle. Remember how many people they beat? Judges 8:10, "Now Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor with a force of about fifteen thousand men, all that were left of the armies of the eastern peoples; a hundred and twenty thousand swordsmen had fallen." 120,000. Not exactly logical, but Gideon was passionate and trusted God through it all. Midian fell to an army that was 0.24% of their size. Also, consider Jesus asking Peter to walk out on the water in Matthew 14. All of a sudden we see Jesus just chillin out, walking on water. Yeah, no big deal (lol). And of course Peter, the crazy passion-driven disciple says "hey I wanna come too!!!!!" So Jesus just says to do it. Peter's passion drove him to do something possible only through God. Then his logic kicked in. Matthew 14:30, "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”" Basically Peter just said "this doesn't make sense..." and just like that, he sank.

Passion is like this. It's often not logical. What sounds more logical, earning a stable income for a family of 4 and settling down in the suburbs somewhere, or giving up everything to go serve orphans in Africa? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying doing something like that is for everyone. But where are we going to find God and see Him more effectively? When we're stable, we have no reason for passion. Everything is "as it should be". In a sense, we don't need God. What's the alternative to God? I talked about mediocrity in a past note of mine, and I described it as "fully embracing Satan's will for your life." That means that every second that we're not pursuing God with our full passion and reckless abandon, we're not fulling our mission. We're not fighting the good fight of faith. Quite an arduous task...scary, even. And this is why I was scared of my own passion for so long...I was tired of failing. I was tired of not fulfilling my mission and screwing up so often. But God knows we're not perfect...he doesn't expect us to win this battle all by ourselves. So what happens when we fall? WE GET BACK UP. We fight again. The best soldiers always get knocked down...the truly heroic get up and continue to fight. And this is what I want to be. I want to pursue God with a fiery passion that won't ever be put out. Satan knocked me back a little bit today. The only thing that happened was that I got up stronger. I got up and I'm ready to keep fighting. And let me tell you...it feels awesome. I certainly hope there are others with me on this. The pursuit of God isn't a logical thing...it's strictly passionate. As scary as it might be, embrace passion and see what it can do. Don't be afraid of God's holy fire; He's right there to make us strong and He's promised us a crown when we're all done. Join me brothers and sisters...let's show the world what true passion for God is all about :)

It's so ridiculous to think you all just hearin' us
If you believe it let it known y'all be feelin' us
Not just the sound but the Trinity in whom we trust
It's already known who in the end will be victorious
And like KJ it's a 12-round knockout
I'll fight to the end and yo I'll be the one to walk out
Step out holdin' up the crown like a title belt
It's one bout the devil wish he never dealt!!!!!!!!

Just To Get By - Pillar

A collection of muddled thoughts

It's funny how most of my meditations that end up as Facebook notes occur at a time when I SHOULD be sound asleep. But again, God's laid something on my heart that I need to get on here...mostly for my own sake.

Wow. So many thoughts are buzzing around my head that I barely even remember what I wanted to write about. I was hanging out at Messiah tonight watching football, and when I left I was in an extremely good mood. So on the ride home, I put in my Lecrae CD and was about to party the whole way home...but the radio came on when I turned the car on. The song that was playing was "Give me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath...a song that's never really spoken to me before like it did tonight. I was no longer in the mood to party.

This first sparked my 45-minute time of meditation (time from Messiah to my house). I started thinking about the life I had been leading, "problems" that I've been having, and how the song relates to it. The song is about seeing everyone around us and responding to them with God's love. "Give me Your eyes for just one second / Give me Your eyes so I can see / everything that I keep missing / Give me Your love for humanity / Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted / the ones that are far beyond my reach / Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten / Give me Your eyes so I can see." My favorite line in that chorus is "give me Your arms for the broken-hearted" for multiple reasons. But the main reason is that it shows action...it shows a person that's DOING something about all of the brokenness around us. It's easy to ask God for love. It's easy to ask God to give us wisdom in dealing with situations. How much harder is it to actually carry out our part?

I put in a different CD. The first song was "Open the Eyes of my Heart". I got goosebumps. I saw just how much I'd forgotten about God and how much He deserves from me. He deserves my worship...all the time and in everything I do. Lately, I've been selfish. I've been lazy. Ever since the flood trapped me in from going anywhere, I just sat around and played video games for hours on end. I didn't worship God. I didn't reach out to those who may have needed me. But here, I worshiped. I worshiped because I realized the sin I was in...I was being selfish with my life.

Next song..."Jesus, Lover of my Soul". The first words of the song blew me away, and I feel like so many people I encounter need to hear this: "It's all about You, Jesus / and all this is for You / for Your glory and your fame / It's not about me / as if You should do things my way / You alone are God / and I surrender to Your ways." Wow. As if You should do things my way. What a lyric that is.

These songs really hit home tonight in a big way. There have been multiple things on my mind lately that have really kept me from living a more fulfilled life in Christ. The biggest one, "man, I wish I had a girlfriend." But I know God isn't ready for me to have that yet. Why do I know that? Because of the life that I've been living recently, and because of what these songs have shown me tonight. I haven't had the arms for the broken-hearted. I've wanted God to do things my way instead of vice-versa, the way it should be.

I meditated for awhile on the Ten Commandments. And you know something? Love your spouse ISN'T one of them. I considered the greatest Commandments as Jesus said them (love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself). Love your spouse is technically included in the second part, but it's not expressly stated. So where am I going with this? I go back to the biggest complaint that I had. See, I enjoy being in a relationship. I'm a high-energy guy, and I enjoy showing love toward a significant other. But with my past relationships I never put God first, even though I may have thought I did at the time. And I know that I have to run to God first and allow someone to come by my side as an extension of my worship to God. I recently fell under the temptation that if I grow close to God, then I'll be ready for a girlfriend. This is the wrong mindset because a girlfriend is my end goal, not God.

Y'know, I look back at what I wrote already and I think "I wish this was a little deeper...I just feel like I'm rambling about nothing at this point." Maybe that's true, maybe not. But before I started writing, I specifically prayed that what I wrote could be used to advance God's Kingdom in some way. I don't know how that's going to happen yet, but there's still a lesson that I can personally take out of this. It's weird to think that we forget the first Commandment...I mean, it's #1, right? "Thou shalt have no other gods before me". Pretty clear cut. Here's something to ask myself...would a girlfriend be a god before God to me? Interesting thought...but for anyone reading this, how can you apply that Commandment? The songs I listened to tonight remind me of how majestic God is and how much He deserves FROM us, and not things we deserve to have from Him. Why do we complain so much about what we don't have? Why do we get annoyed at God for things that we consider bad in our lives? We ask God so many questions about our trivial and petty problems, that we forget about the grand mission in front of us...to live fervently for God and to spread His glory through the earth.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Job. Compared to us, Job had every right to complain about everything...he lived a holy life and was blameless before the Lord (Job 1:8). And complain he did, but he never shunned God for any of it. But after all of the chapters of dialogue, God finally speaks directly to Job with words that I would NOT want to hear from God. Job 38:2-3, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me." Whooooaaaaaa. Imagine how little Job felt right there. I'd be terrified...God just sounds pissed off! But you know what? God has every right to be. Job shouldn't be complaining about everything because God is God, and that's that. Ecclesiates 5:2, "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."

How quick we are to complain. How quick I am to whine about my petty problems. But God is in heaven. Ha, we think we suffer with our problems. God loved us so much that He send His perfect Son to die for everything we screwed up with, so that we don't have to ETERNALLY suffer. God loves us, even though at some point it may seem like our lives "suck". We as followers of God have a mission and a duty, and that's to pursue God with our whole heart. What an honor to even be allowed to pursue such a holy being. We can never truly know God to His fullest extent or we'll die (Exodus 33:19-20), but we lean on His promises and the FACT that He loves us and is ready to catch our little issues. But I want to stop complaining about little things and fulfill the mission in front of me. I want to live selflessly. I want to reach out to the broken-hearted and truly love others before myself. I want to pursue God with my full heart and not waver from that. And He'll bless me with a beautiful wife when the time is right (if He so chooses). Until then, and even after I have a wife, God comes first.

By the way, what happened to Job after God questioned him? Read Job 42. Specifically verse 12. Thanks to whoever reads this note...I pray that God is shown through me and what was written here :)

Living eternally

This one was long overdue...but this is something that I need to hear right now for my own sake, because I've been living in sin. I want to start this with a few verses out of Matthew that I looked up.

4:19-20 - "'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed him."

8:18-22 - "When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, 'Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.'' Jesus replied, 'Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' Another disciple said to him, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' But Jesus told him, 'Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.'”

10:37-39 - "'Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

19:20-22 - "'All these [Commandments] I have kept,' the young man said. 'What do I still lack?' Jesus answered, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.' When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth."

There's a theme going on here, and one which I've failed to keep lately: follow Jesus. There was a new perspective that I began to take once I began my life in the workplace, and that was how to truly live eternally. There's so much that's involved with that...you have to be completely set in Christ and able to accept everything that comes your way. You even have to be ready to lose everything if that's what it takes, because we're promised treasures in heaven. Another verse from Matthew which I love is 6:19-21 where Jesus is giving the Sermon on the Mount: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Wow. What do we consider our treasure? TV time? Friends? Video games? Maybe for girls it's clothes or shoes? How much of what we invest, whether monetary or otherwise, could be used to advance God's Kingdom? Well friends, I faced a tough reality tonight that led me to do something I never thought I would do.

To me, video games seem relatively harmless. It's generally a good way to unwind after a long day (as long as I don't lose my temper at them...yeah). But is it really the best way to spend my time? Well...it's harmless right? I suppose it might be unless it turns into something more than that. Today, I made a long to-do list for myself, hoping to get a good deal accomplished (one item was to write this note...glad it's happening). But I honestly didn't get a whole lot accomplished, all because I sat in my room and played Madden most of the day. Pathetic. And to make matters worse, I got a call from Phil and realized that it was Monday...Bible study night. Obviously I didn't make it. I traded an opportunity to grow closer to God in a group environment...for Madden??? "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I was completely disgusted with myself...so I did something I never thought I would do. I hung up the phone with Phil and looked at my paused game on tv. I opened the lid to my gamecube, took my Madden cd, and snapped it in half. I could barely believe what I did, but I was happy I did it.

For too long my treasure has been on earth. My investments have been in myself and in pleasing myself, rather than investing in the needs of others and in God's Kingdom. So...how do you go about storing treasures in Heaven? Jesus provides the blueprint to everything we need in the gospels, but it all starts with trusting God with EVERYTHING. I've heard a lot of people ask,"How do I trust in God?" And every time, I feel like it's a foolish question. Well...how do you trust in anyone else? You make yourself vulnerable and say, "It's in your hands now, I trust you." It's the same exact way with God, except God gave us an entire book of promises saying "I won't let you down". But I'll be perfectly honest...it sucks sometimes. Trusting God on this fallen earth simply sucks sometimes. Why? Because God never promised that our life here would be easy. In fact, Matthew 10:22 says "All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." Yeah, Jesus basically promised that life here will suck. But that's why living eternally is so important and why (speaking to myself now) we have to refuse our own pleasures for God's Sake. When we fully put our trust in God and not in friends or games or possessions, we may not enjoy the result, but we can ALWAYS be joyful due to the fact that we earned ourselves some shiny trophies in Heaven.

In their song "Everything", Pillar (my all-time favorite band) asks the simple question "are you willing to give up everything?" So...am I? Cracking a Madden cd in half is only a small step to being the man God wants me to be. The relentless pursuit of God's will is an extremely difficult road for the time being, but we're aliens on this earth and our real home is in a place where we get to worship God freely for all eternity. I can't think of anything more awesome than that. I hope this can be an encouragement to others to truly look at your lives to see if there's anything getting in the way of your view of God. If there is, GET RID OF IT!!!!! And if you think you won't be blessed for it, take a lesson from Job, the ultimate sufferer in Job 42:10 - "After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before." Twice as much.

Matthew 6:33 - "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Join me friends...let's forget about this crap on earth. Let's serve others and devote our lives to fully serving the Kingdom. Let's live eternally.

Avoiding Mediocrity

Isaiah 54:17  - "No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD."

This is one of my new favorite verses. And it's surprising to me that I first heard it not directly from reading Isaiah, but through a song by DMX. The reason I like it so much (besides the incredible amount of truth behind it) is that it really sounds like a manly verse. Let's face it...guys love weapons. When you put the Christian walk in the form of a warzone, it's exciting. So this verse really speaks well to me, which is awesome when I look at the truth behind it and how it relates to this thought I've struggled with recently.

Ever since graduating, I vowed that being in middle-of-nowhere Halifax, I wouldn't lose my focus on God and would intentionally work on increasing the strength of that focus. Well, I succeeded for awhile. Through God's grace, I've sought Him in a whole new way and it feels like my life has truly been flying. And He's rewarded me with an amazing girlfriend. And I knew that my life has been going extremely well for me, so I knew I had to be on my guard and couldn't let it down for a second...otherwise Satan would be sure to take the opportunity. Well, needless to say...I wouldn't be writing this note if I had kept my guard up.

Well...demons from the past die hard, that's for sure. And I found that it even manifests itself in different ways. And it's like I said, if I had kept my guard up then I wouldn't be writing this note. But for the past week, I let my guard down. I started becoming...mediocre. And that honestly scared me, because I know what happens when I become mediocre. I fall into old sins that consume me and often seem impossible to beat.

When mediocre, I fall into tendencies that I don't even realize. As I've mentioned in past notes, I've fought a very long battle with pornography. And for a long time, I've said "hey I've finally beaten it!" And that's true...I've stayed away from that cesspool for a respectable amount of time. But like I've also said, it manifests itself in different ways if I let my guard down. Ways such as...letting my thoughts go to places they shouldn't.

But again through God's grace, He brings me through. I noticed myself becoming mediocre and my thoughts were beginning to stray. I won't go into personal details, but immoral and sexual thoughts started entering my mind. And I got terrified. I started asking myself things like, "How am I supposed to be in a relationship with these thoughts in my mind? Am I strong enough to conquer them, or am I going to end up in the same places I always did?" And this was all because I just let my guard down for a second, and Satan took full advantage. But when you're feeling mediocre for God, the last thing you really want to do is pray...so I made sure that was the first thing I did. And He gave me an answer through a close brother of mine. It was an article that simply reminded me of how I'm supposed to act when in a relationship, and how she is supposed to be looked upon. Praise God for that...He brought me back out of mediocrity.

Well...I didn't want to get entirely too personal, but this thought of mediocrity has been with me for the past week and I felt led to write a note about it. But this is what happens, and in my opinion, being mediocre is worse than being in outright sin. Let me say that again. Being mediocre is worse than being in outright sin. Think about it in the terms of our world, not just from a Christian worldview but from other worldviews as well. People that don't really "have a religion" aren't really threats to anything. They just go about their happy-go-lucky way and just primarily live for themselves. Satan doesn't really care about those people...they're not a threat to him. But now think about...oh let's say, 95% of the people that go to church? They're even less threatening to Satan. Yeah, they may be "Christian", but how is that really viewed within our own culture AND from other worldviews? Honestly, that's one thing to respect about people who hold to the Muslim faith or just other faiths in general...THEY ACTUALLY LIVE IT. And we say that we're Christians and we're right because the Bible tells us so. Are other people in this world really supposed to respect us? The only way that people might actually respect Christians is not just "oh ya know, letting God shine through us", but actually letting God SHINE through us!!! Matthew 5:14-15 says "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." Mediocrity tries to cover this up. Here's my favorite verse: Proverbs 15:9 "The Lord detests the way of the wicked, but He loves those who pursue righteousness." My favorite word in this verse is "pursue". It doesn't mean that you only do righteous things some of the time, it means that you passionately seek righteousness 100% of the time. Mediocrity is not a part of this at all. And what was that thing that Jesus said about being spit out if you're lukewarm? Oh yeah, that's right.

I know what I am when mediocre. I don't want to be that, and anyone that reads this shouldn't want to be either. I want to be an honorable man of God who will always pursue His Will for me. For God's sake first. Then for my lady's. Then for everyone else in the world. Then for me. And I know Satan will attack me much like he wants to right now...but I just have to keep my guard up. Mediocrity is a vicious devil, my friends. It isn't just a ho-hum life...it's fully embracing Satan's will for your life. But we have a God who lets us rise above that and truly sets us on fire. How awesome!!!! Don't ever forget it. We're all knights for God on the same battlefield. Now let's live.

"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates

Praying to God's Power

Kind of an awkward title, but it sums up what I wanted to write about. This past weekend, I went to the beach in New Jersey with Bill, Barbara, and Charlene. Monday night at around 11 or so, we went out to the beach just to watch the waves and enjoy the outdoors. I was kind of surprised at the power I started to feel when we got there. People know me for being a funny guy, but I'm very meditative and reflective as well...so I decided to take a walk by myself down the beach. It was there that I was able to see God very clearly, even through the night sky.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting on my back porch at home. I'm listening to Christian worship music, it's 76 degrees and sunny, and there's a slight breeze blowing. It's pretty perfect weather, and very easy to see that this is God's day. It's times like this that we're able to see God's beauty. But it's also times like this that we can forget how holy, powerful, and sovereign God really is. I saw that Monday night by the ocean. I'll paint that scene in sharp contast to the scene I'm sitting in right now: I was by myself, standing face to face with waves much taller than me. It was completely dark, but there was still the awesome sight of heat lightning in the distance. Even though it was completely dark, every sense for me was active. I didn't just see God's power through the ocean waves...I could hear it, feel it, and almost even taste it and smell it. It was truly awesome. At first I was just standing in awe at what I was feeling around me, but I couldn't help but take a knee out of sheer reverence. I started singing Agnus Dei, and I could definitely feel God's power around me.

When I was out there, Revelation 1:15 came to my mind "...and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters." When I talked to Bill, he reminded me of a verse in Psalms which I just looked up...29:3 "The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters." And I could definitely relate to that. I could hear God saying "Here I am. I have command over the ocean and the lightning. Bow to me and feel my power." And I did...I bowed and I prayed. I prayed to a God that not only shows us His beautiful creation, but shows us His powerful and even scary creation.

We thank God every day for giving us Jesus, God the Father in human form to whom we can relate. Through Jesus, God showed us what it's like to love and serve. But I feel like we often forget who God the Father really is. We forget Jesus' teaching of prayer, and possibly the most important aspect of it. When Jesus taught us to pray, He said "Our Father who art in Heaven, HALLOWED be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven." Emphasis added on "hallowed". We always remember and preach that God is a personal God and we can all have a relationship with Him. That's true, and it's wonderful that we have that. But we forget that God is also a highly untouchable and infinitely powerful God. When I was praying by the ocean, I could've walked forward about 100 yards to what would've been my death. What would've been my death is something over which God has full dominion. It's a fact we can't afford to forget when we pray. 

"Great, so I've been praying incorrectly? How then do I pray?" I don't want to say that the way I pray is better than other ways or that I recognize something that other people don't, but I just want to give an example of how I tend to pray and things I say when I do. I try to follow 1 Thessalonians 5:17 as closely as I can, "pray continually". If I'm in the car or on my own (like I am now), I'll just start praying...sometimes I don't even know what I want to pray about. But I never really need anything specific to pray about, I just talk to Him. That's what God wants..."The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend" - Exodus 33:11. I find that I never need to have something specific to come to God with, but I just come to God. But if I do have something on my heart, I get alone and get on my knees. I am on my knees every morning when I wake up, and every night before I go to bed. It helps me to bring focus to a holy God who deserves my full attention. I also tend to speak out loud so I don't get distracted. When I pray silently, I find that it is extremely easy to start letting my thoughts drift away from prayer. Same thing if I'm praying when I'm laying down in bed...I may even fall asleep without finishing my prayer. I'm not saying that one way or another is wrong, but I think praying out loud on your knees is a much superior way of praying. 

The reason I wrote this and the reason that God laid this on my heart is a reminder for myself and for anyone reading this. God doesn't want us to forget who it is we serve. We serve a loving, gracious, and personal God. But perhaps more importantly than that, we serve a holy, sovereign, powerful, and untouchable God. Even Moses, one of the holiest men in the Bible, was only permitted to see God's "back", otherwise he would have died. God isn't just some powerful guy that gives us things if we ask for them. He's an eternal being that breathed life into us and could take it away in a flash if it was His will. The powerful ocean waves are just the smallest of God's power. I'm very thankful that I serve a God that saved me from an eternity in Hell through His son Jesus, because He loved us so much. But I'm incredibly excited and awestruck that I'm ALLOWED to serve a God who is truly all-powerful. Don't forget who we serve and how we serve. We serve the God of the heavens and earth, and we serve this God on our knees.

A Callout

Lord, here I am again
Don't know where this is gonna go
But I'm speaking from my heart
Because that's all I know.

I come confused and broken
I don't know your plan
So I'm on my knees once more
Because that's all I can.

Intercede, Holy Spirit
For the words I cannot find
Satan attacks my heart
And plays tricks on my mind.

But You've given me Your Word
And promised it won't fail
But I've refused it and tried things on my own
To no avail.

Father, teach me to fight Your battle
Teach me to run Your race
Teach me to see Your children
And run at my own pace.

Still, Lord, I know the rules
You'll shown me what to do
But fear and temptation hold me back
And here, chaos will ensue.

Father, Satan has struck me
And it hurts me so
He makes me remember pains
I've felt so long ago

Your Word says he is a roaring lion
Ready to devour me
I let him have a foothold
And now I send a plea

And you sent an answer
In the form of the flesh
He died on the cross
So that I am made fresh.

Now Lord, the time has come
Help me stand bold
Send me the Ephesian armor
And clothe me in gold

No longer can he trick me
No longer will he last
No longer will I hurt others
For his influence dies fast

You give me words to speak
And advice to give
But how ironic that you've shown me:
It's my own advice I needed to live

Let me be your humble warrior
Let me be William Wallace
No, call me to something more
For this soldier's name is Chris

Put me in my place
Even if it's on the frontline
For with my own power I'm nothing
But through You alone I shine

But what's the battle I'm in?
Surely not a war scene
But no, the battle is in my heart
In places unseen

And God, you reign on high
And still take out some time
To send words to my heart
And pump out this little rhyme

Thank you for my friends
Thank you for my brothers
Thank you for Your promises
And many many others

It's through those You speak
So for You I'll wait
And keep running right along
Along the path that's straight

But I trust in You always
You have the bigger plan
And now and forever I can truly say
God, You're the Man!

All of this to say, my heart has been attacked by Satan recently. I let him get to me and began to stray from the true path. But my friends have been invaluable to be and have been there for me when I've most needed them. It's funny how I've been the one "leading" the Bible studies with my brothers in Christ, but tonight I was the one that was humbled. God has truly put me in my place. God is in charge of my entire life, so I really don't have a choice. I must follow Him wholeheartedly and let nothing get in the way of that. Isaiah says that no weapon that's formed against me will prosper. And this is true as long as my heart is not sitting idle, but is passionately pursuing God's path. So, the battle wages on. There's just a difference between today and yesterday. Yesterday, I was losing. Today, I'm winning. And I'm proud to say that I worship a God that heroically steps between me and the evil one and keeps me where I should be...if I just let Him.