My apologizes, I didn't expect this to be this long...but I would really appreciate those who see this to read it...there's definitely a good application at the end of it.
Trials. Struggles. Let's face it, they suck and we don't like having to deal with them, but because of our broken world we're forced to endure them until God calls us home. But if we look at it correctly and deal with them correctly, we have a great potential to see God more clearly than we would in easier times. By His grace, I had that opportunity today.
The last few days have definitely been rather up and down. Wednesday I saw a job posted online that I actually applied for previously, but since it was reposted I applied again. Thursday I gave the company a call to, more or less, force the issue. The lady I talked to asked me to come in for an interview at 9:00am the next morning. Friday I went in for the interview and went home shortly after, and about 3 hours later I got a call with the official job offer. Cool! So of course...I'm happy at this point, as I'm sure anyone would be.
Friday night rolls around...my parents had been working outside all day. We went out to dinner, and the whole time my mom kept complaining about how bad her finger hurt. It was swollen, and it just looked like she jammed it or something. Plus, my mom has a comically low pain tolerance, so I was just saying "Mom, you're FINE! Just stick some ice on it and deal with it." So we get back, and at about 10:00 my parents come in my room and tell me they're going to the hospital to have her finger looked it. Wow...ok. Still didn't think too much of it. I get another call around midnight telling me that they're keeping my mom at the hospital because they're worried it could be a bacterial infection and they're worried that it could possibly be serious. Wait....what? It's just a finger! My heart sank...I didn't want my mom to be at the hospital and I didn't want anything to be wrong, and I was obviously helpless to do anything about it. I went to bed fairly bummed out.
Saturday...yay snow!!!! Except not really. While facebook statuses explode about the snow, all I could think of was "Great...my mom's still in the hospital and now I'm probably not going to get to visit her." Plus, I just wanted to have a lazy day at home and watch a movie or something, but all I could think about was my mom. Well, my dad was planning on going to visit her anyway, and my first temptation was just to stay at home because I didn't feel like going out. Wow...how selfish am I. But God got to me...I knew my mom would be happy to see me and I knew it would be right to make a sacrifice on her behalf (since she's made basically a whole life's worth of sacrifices for me), so I went along. My mom's doing better even though her finger's still the size of a corn dog, but we think it was something that could've turned serious if we didn't catch it in an early stage. So I'm definitely thankful for that.
"Using trials as blessings"...I haven't really gotten to my point yet, but i'm working on it. :) The trial I'm speaking of isn't my mom's finger, although it's part of it. I haven't really told anyone about my mom being in the hospital right now because, as bad as this sounds, I don't really want to hear "I'll pray for her!" My first thought is, what exactly are you going to pray for? For her to get better and recover quickly? Well...what if God decides to answer that with "Sorry, not this time." What then? It's just a thing of mine...I typically don't like praying for such temporal things because ironically I almost feel a disconnect from God when I pray something like that. "Dear God, I want so-and-so to feel better. Make it happen? Thanks, cya next time." No, that's what I wanted. I wanted to know what God was doing. I knew God was trying to send me a message...I wanted to know what it was. And I also knew it wouldn't just be given to me...I had to go find it.
We finally got home from the hospital at around 4:30 today, and I did something rather radical and completely illogical. "Dad, I'm going out for a bike ride." He looked at me like I sprouted 5 heads. He just laughed and said have fun...I didn't want to tell him exactly what I was doing, this was between me and God. So I set out. There's a nice 3-mile loop that starts and ends at my house, and 1 mile into it there's a field and a pavilion where I often go to pray, so I fought my way through the cold and the snow to the pavilion. The air was a little thinner and I was fasting while I did this...I only had a small slice of pizza and was hungry, but I waited to eat in an effort to connect with God more effectively.
My mom and I haven't had the best relationship over the years. We think very differently and get impatient with each other from time to time. For a long time I just used this as an excuse to not do anything about it, dismissing it to "it's just the way it is." Honor thy father has always been easy for me...the second part of the commandment was always very difficult for me. So as weird as it sounds, I couldn't understand why this issue was bothering me so much. I mean yes, I love my mom, but I think I felt like I loved her because I had to, which I see now is the wrong way to think and live. So down at the pavilion, no one's around and I'm free to speak out loud. So I start to ask God what the heck He was doing...why was this bothering me so much...why did You call me out here? I waited briefly, and then a message hit me like a brick:
"Are you man enough to save your relationship with your mother?"
Save. Not fix. Not try harder. SAVE. Wow...am I really in that much danger? I don't want that...I've always wanted a better relationship with my mom but I just wanted it to happen, I never really worked for it. So I answered:
"Yes God, I am."
"Prove it."
Call it hairbrained, call it what you want, judge me if you want, I don't care. This is a message I got from God and I believe it. But even after that, I got a little bit more:
"Go the back way back to your house. Keep pedaling the whole time. Drop gear if you must, but don't stop pedaling."
Typically when I ride my bike, I go to that pavilion and go back home the way I came. The back way is a much harder path...it's a nice coast downhill for about the first mile, but then as I turn onto my road it goes into another downhill, and up an extremely steep hill for about 1/8 of a mile. I live near mountains, my friend...this isn't your typical Mechanicsburg hill, these are Halifax hills. And although I'm an athlete, endurance is NOT my thing. But it all became clear...God was telling me to prove myself. Prove I was willing to work. Prove I was willing to fight for it. Prove it.
There's actually an incline coming out of the pavilion, so I had to battle that first and that took a lot of my energy, but then I got to coast through the downhill. Then as I got to my road, I said a prayer and started. I only dropped one gear to get through the pavilion uphill, and almost to my own surprise, I watched as my fingers increased my bike to top gear going into the death hill. I kept pedaling through the pain...my feet and hands were numb, and I was literally yelling with every pedal I took.
"Prove it."
I got about 3/4 of the way up the hill in top gear. I tried pedaling one more time, and my quads gave out on me and I collapsed off to the side of the road. I had no choice but to walk the rest of the way, with my knees giving out with every step I took. Feeling like I failed for not making it the whole way, I heard from God again: "You didn't stop pedaling. Well done." That was cool.
"Chris, are you closing this note out any time in the near future?" :) Yes, I'm almost there.
God is so mysterious that we don't recognize what He's doing most of the time. If my mom hadn't gone to the hospital, I wouldn't be writing this note. I wouldn't have gone on my psycho bike ride. I wouldn't have seen God better. I found it really interesting how the path of my bike ride was actually indicative of my last few days. The first part of my bike ride was fairly easy...tiring, but definitely easy. Much like the first few days since Wednesday, found a job online, got an interview, got the job. Then as I left the pavilion on my ride, I knew a trial was coming: the hill. It was a challenge I knew I had to face and not back down from. My mom being in the hospital is like this hill. I knew our relationship wasn't the best, but it was revealed to me how much I actually DO care about my mom and how different my life would be without her. And as simple of an injury as this is, it shows me that her years are winding down, and I'm not going to have much time left with her. So I can't just expect things to get better, I have to work at it and fight for it, much like I did against that hill. God showed me a blueprint of what I need to do, and I need to do it. My mom's also a bit of a workaholic, so she gets a little time off through being in the hospital. God managed to kill two birds with one stone through swelling up my mom's ring finger. Wow.
Why does James say that we should consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds? Trials are...trials. They suck! But James says that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I know I'm guilty of this, but I think we often quote this passage (James 1:2-4) and we leave out verse 4. I always think that I'm a man of very strong faith, so I shouldn't be facing so many trials. But perseverance has to finish it's work so that it's mature and complete, and I'm not there yet. I know the question is asked so often why God allows suffering to happen in the world if He's such a good God. Would our faith be mature and complete otherwise? Experience is probably the best teacher that we have on earth...God gives us trials and asks us to learn from them. And the trials are going to be hard, but James 1:12 says "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." And this isn't a crown that we're gonna see in this life, but the next. And THAT'S what it's about. Our final and greatest blessing is waiting for us after we leave this place and go home. But I believe that we have to do our part while we're here. God asked us to do work here no matter how hard, and He promises us a pretty amazing reward when we're done. We live in a broken world...that's just the way it is. But God's building us a new home that is nothing short of perfect, and that's what we're living for and straining for. Trials here are going to be hard, but they're necessary. They give us an opportunity to love the One that deserves all of our attention anyway. I know I wouldn't give Him my full attention if things were good all the time, and I sincerely doubt that YOU would either. God sees our plan in full view and He's always working for the best in our lives. So if He decides to use a trial, look for the lesson behind it. Take pride and comfort in the fact that God is making us stronger (But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. - Job 23:10). Look for the opportunity to know God at a deeper level, because God's not going to magically drop it in our lap. We're not going to find God sitting on our comfortable furniture...we're going to find Him in a bike ride through a snowstorm.
Trials. Struggles. Let's face it, they suck and we don't like having to deal with them, but because of our broken world we're forced to endure them until God calls us home. But if we look at it correctly and deal with them correctly, we have a great potential to see God more clearly than we would in easier times. By His grace, I had that opportunity today.
The last few days have definitely been rather up and down. Wednesday I saw a job posted online that I actually applied for previously, but since it was reposted I applied again. Thursday I gave the company a call to, more or less, force the issue. The lady I talked to asked me to come in for an interview at 9:00am the next morning. Friday I went in for the interview and went home shortly after, and about 3 hours later I got a call with the official job offer. Cool! So of course...I'm happy at this point, as I'm sure anyone would be.
Friday night rolls around...my parents had been working outside all day. We went out to dinner, and the whole time my mom kept complaining about how bad her finger hurt. It was swollen, and it just looked like she jammed it or something. Plus, my mom has a comically low pain tolerance, so I was just saying "Mom, you're FINE! Just stick some ice on it and deal with it." So we get back, and at about 10:00 my parents come in my room and tell me they're going to the hospital to have her finger looked it. Wow...ok. Still didn't think too much of it. I get another call around midnight telling me that they're keeping my mom at the hospital because they're worried it could be a bacterial infection and they're worried that it could possibly be serious. Wait....what? It's just a finger! My heart sank...I didn't want my mom to be at the hospital and I didn't want anything to be wrong, and I was obviously helpless to do anything about it. I went to bed fairly bummed out.
Saturday...yay snow!!!! Except not really. While facebook statuses explode about the snow, all I could think of was "Great...my mom's still in the hospital and now I'm probably not going to get to visit her." Plus, I just wanted to have a lazy day at home and watch a movie or something, but all I could think about was my mom. Well, my dad was planning on going to visit her anyway, and my first temptation was just to stay at home because I didn't feel like going out. Wow...how selfish am I. But God got to me...I knew my mom would be happy to see me and I knew it would be right to make a sacrifice on her behalf (since she's made basically a whole life's worth of sacrifices for me), so I went along. My mom's doing better even though her finger's still the size of a corn dog, but we think it was something that could've turned serious if we didn't catch it in an early stage. So I'm definitely thankful for that.
"Using trials as blessings"...I haven't really gotten to my point yet, but i'm working on it. :) The trial I'm speaking of isn't my mom's finger, although it's part of it. I haven't really told anyone about my mom being in the hospital right now because, as bad as this sounds, I don't really want to hear "I'll pray for her!" My first thought is, what exactly are you going to pray for? For her to get better and recover quickly? Well...what if God decides to answer that with "Sorry, not this time." What then? It's just a thing of mine...I typically don't like praying for such temporal things because ironically I almost feel a disconnect from God when I pray something like that. "Dear God, I want so-and-so to feel better. Make it happen? Thanks, cya next time." No, that's what I wanted. I wanted to know what God was doing. I knew God was trying to send me a message...I wanted to know what it was. And I also knew it wouldn't just be given to me...I had to go find it.
We finally got home from the hospital at around 4:30 today, and I did something rather radical and completely illogical. "Dad, I'm going out for a bike ride." He looked at me like I sprouted 5 heads. He just laughed and said have fun...I didn't want to tell him exactly what I was doing, this was between me and God. So I set out. There's a nice 3-mile loop that starts and ends at my house, and 1 mile into it there's a field and a pavilion where I often go to pray, so I fought my way through the cold and the snow to the pavilion. The air was a little thinner and I was fasting while I did this...I only had a small slice of pizza and was hungry, but I waited to eat in an effort to connect with God more effectively.
My mom and I haven't had the best relationship over the years. We think very differently and get impatient with each other from time to time. For a long time I just used this as an excuse to not do anything about it, dismissing it to "it's just the way it is." Honor thy father has always been easy for me...the second part of the commandment was always very difficult for me. So as weird as it sounds, I couldn't understand why this issue was bothering me so much. I mean yes, I love my mom, but I think I felt like I loved her because I had to, which I see now is the wrong way to think and live. So down at the pavilion, no one's around and I'm free to speak out loud. So I start to ask God what the heck He was doing...why was this bothering me so much...why did You call me out here? I waited briefly, and then a message hit me like a brick:
"Are you man enough to save your relationship with your mother?"
Save. Not fix. Not try harder. SAVE. Wow...am I really in that much danger? I don't want that...I've always wanted a better relationship with my mom but I just wanted it to happen, I never really worked for it. So I answered:
"Yes God, I am."
"Prove it."
Call it hairbrained, call it what you want, judge me if you want, I don't care. This is a message I got from God and I believe it. But even after that, I got a little bit more:
"Go the back way back to your house. Keep pedaling the whole time. Drop gear if you must, but don't stop pedaling."
Typically when I ride my bike, I go to that pavilion and go back home the way I came. The back way is a much harder path...it's a nice coast downhill for about the first mile, but then as I turn onto my road it goes into another downhill, and up an extremely steep hill for about 1/8 of a mile. I live near mountains, my friend...this isn't your typical Mechanicsburg hill, these are Halifax hills. And although I'm an athlete, endurance is NOT my thing. But it all became clear...God was telling me to prove myself. Prove I was willing to work. Prove I was willing to fight for it. Prove it.
There's actually an incline coming out of the pavilion, so I had to battle that first and that took a lot of my energy, but then I got to coast through the downhill. Then as I got to my road, I said a prayer and started. I only dropped one gear to get through the pavilion uphill, and almost to my own surprise, I watched as my fingers increased my bike to top gear going into the death hill. I kept pedaling through the pain...my feet and hands were numb, and I was literally yelling with every pedal I took.
"Prove it."
I got about 3/4 of the way up the hill in top gear. I tried pedaling one more time, and my quads gave out on me and I collapsed off to the side of the road. I had no choice but to walk the rest of the way, with my knees giving out with every step I took. Feeling like I failed for not making it the whole way, I heard from God again: "You didn't stop pedaling. Well done." That was cool.
"Chris, are you closing this note out any time in the near future?" :) Yes, I'm almost there.
God is so mysterious that we don't recognize what He's doing most of the time. If my mom hadn't gone to the hospital, I wouldn't be writing this note. I wouldn't have gone on my psycho bike ride. I wouldn't have seen God better. I found it really interesting how the path of my bike ride was actually indicative of my last few days. The first part of my bike ride was fairly easy...tiring, but definitely easy. Much like the first few days since Wednesday, found a job online, got an interview, got the job. Then as I left the pavilion on my ride, I knew a trial was coming: the hill. It was a challenge I knew I had to face and not back down from. My mom being in the hospital is like this hill. I knew our relationship wasn't the best, but it was revealed to me how much I actually DO care about my mom and how different my life would be without her. And as simple of an injury as this is, it shows me that her years are winding down, and I'm not going to have much time left with her. So I can't just expect things to get better, I have to work at it and fight for it, much like I did against that hill. God showed me a blueprint of what I need to do, and I need to do it. My mom's also a bit of a workaholic, so she gets a little time off through being in the hospital. God managed to kill two birds with one stone through swelling up my mom's ring finger. Wow.
Why does James say that we should consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds? Trials are...trials. They suck! But James says that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I know I'm guilty of this, but I think we often quote this passage (James 1:2-4) and we leave out verse 4. I always think that I'm a man of very strong faith, so I shouldn't be facing so many trials. But perseverance has to finish it's work so that it's mature and complete, and I'm not there yet. I know the question is asked so often why God allows suffering to happen in the world if He's such a good God. Would our faith be mature and complete otherwise? Experience is probably the best teacher that we have on earth...God gives us trials and asks us to learn from them. And the trials are going to be hard, but James 1:12 says "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." And this isn't a crown that we're gonna see in this life, but the next. And THAT'S what it's about. Our final and greatest blessing is waiting for us after we leave this place and go home. But I believe that we have to do our part while we're here. God asked us to do work here no matter how hard, and He promises us a pretty amazing reward when we're done. We live in a broken world...that's just the way it is. But God's building us a new home that is nothing short of perfect, and that's what we're living for and straining for. Trials here are going to be hard, but they're necessary. They give us an opportunity to love the One that deserves all of our attention anyway. I know I wouldn't give Him my full attention if things were good all the time, and I sincerely doubt that YOU would either. God sees our plan in full view and He's always working for the best in our lives. So if He decides to use a trial, look for the lesson behind it. Take pride and comfort in the fact that God is making us stronger (But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. - Job 23:10). Look for the opportunity to know God at a deeper level, because God's not going to magically drop it in our lap. We're not going to find God sitting on our comfortable furniture...we're going to find Him in a bike ride through a snowstorm.
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